When you found out that you had been cheated on what did you do

[TenPenny]

That sums it up nicely.

You either live up to a commitment, or you leave the relationship. In my opinion, cheating on a significant other means that you cannot be trusted to live up to any commitment.

 

[Machjo]

Also, the cheater never expects to get caught, but once he does, he could be damned lucky if the spouse forgives him. But sooner or later, if it hits the fan, not only does he lose the spouse, but his family is likely to find out what happened too. When that happens, not only does he lose his spouse, but even his own brothers, sisters, and parents will take his spouse's side. I've seen it happen and can only imagine how humiliating it must be.

I wouldn't wish such humiliation on anyone, not even an adulterer, but justice will always find you.

 

[lone wolf]

Also, the cheater never expects to get caught, but once he does, he could be damned lucky if the spouse forgives him. But sooner or later, if it hits the fan, not only does he lose the spouse, but his family is likely to find out what happened too. When that happens, not only does he lose his spouse, but even his own brothers, sisters, and parents will take his spouse's side. I've seen it happen and can only imagine how humiliating it must be.

I wouldn't wish such humiliation on anyone, not even an adulterer, but justice will always find you.

Wouldn't you just love to find a way of saying he or she without having to go into plurals or indefinites?

 

[Ron in Regina]

I think this post was intended for this Thread:

Correction, I'm not sure her parents ever found out, but her brothers figured it out. They might not have told her parents to save her face, but still she was not the one they were defending in the divorce. Certainly the parents must have picked up on that, wondering why the brothers were taking sides not with their sister but her spouse.

Either way though, though I'm sure siblings will eventually forgive, it must still be hard to know that they know what he did.

 

[Praxius]

Also, the cheater never expects to get caught, but once he does, he could be damned lucky if the spouse forgives him. But sooner or later, if it hits the fan, not only does he lose the spouse, but his family is likely to find out what happened too. When that happens, not only does he lose his spouse, but even his own brothers, sisters, and parents will take his spouse's side. I've seen it happen and can only imagine how humiliating it must be.

I wouldn't wish such humiliation on anyone, not even an adulterer, but justice will always find you.

Oh I wish it.

Anybody with a brain knows it's wrong to cheat on the person you claim to love or at least in a committed relationship with, and that if you break that level of trust, this is what's most likely going to happen..... if they don't want to be dragged through the wringers, lose their family, their home, their car, their security and respect from those around them..... don't cheat and keep yer damn genitals in your pants.

It's not hard to do.... keep it in your pants or break up the relationship you're currently in. Then you at least shown you have enough respect for your partner and yourself to do the right thing.

All that needs to be said in that situation is the relationship just simply died..... it happens.... but when you decide to screw around while in a committed relationship, it says something totally different.

Sure it can be a tad iffy of a situation if the relationship ended because one of you became more interested in another person.... but there is at least still some respect shown for the other person.

Besides, one of the things I never got was that if hypothetically I was single, and some girl wanted to have sex with me while still being in another relationship, dating or married, she said she loved me and wanted to be in my life, etc. etc.... how could one even believe that tripe?

If she's willing to cheat on her man with me just like that, how am I not supposed to believe she'd pull the same thing on me if we went into a relationship? Plus, if I went along with that little booty call and started a side relationship with her.... that'd give the impression that I thought the same way towards relationships as she does, and thus she shouldn't trust me to be committed either.

Maybe that's all each wants in a situation..... so be it but I never saw any need to play childish cat n' mouse games with other unsuspecting partners and faking to them that you actually give a damn about them and still love them.... all the while you're boning some dirty clam digger on the side.

 

[Goober]

Yeah holy crap, do you want a friggin DNA sample to go with those fries?? :-?

Exactly how does knowing any of the above information matter to him being cheated on? Are you trying to find a way to say him being cheated on is his own fault? (Just taking a guess)

Maybe you think there's justification for someone, maybe even yourself, to be cheated on.... but considering all someone has to do is end the relationship, get a divorce, or be sure their partner is ok with seeing other people.... there is no need to cheat on anybody behind their back except for immature, selfish and petty reasons.

imo, people who cheat are weak & pathetic people. They not only just think about their own "pleasure" and enjoyment regardless of what it may do to the few people in the world who actually care/give a damn about them, but they're too damn scared to face a confrontation of possibly ending a relationship and being honest with their partner. So they try and hide it and cover it up as much as possible, pile on the lies, and think that this is somehow more easier.

Then when they're caught, they put on the water works and sob their asses off, asking for forgiveness or saying "It just happened", attempting to try and excuse away what they did as if it was never their fault.... because once again, they're too damn chicken sh*t to face up to the consequences of their actions and admitting that they're wrong... not that it would matter anyways, because they already screwed themselves.

Perhaps because I think this thread was to spoof you all - Note no answers eh. And i do not think this felow is 47 - that is another but the main reason i asked - I thought this was BS from the start - read the posts he made. Gramar etc.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

What? The Adulterers' Rights Association of Canada? Sure! I'd insist on cameras in the courtroom and have it all televised. The smart ones would stay away, while the real idiots would show up in court for the world to see, defending their right to discrete encounters! Sure I'd lose the case, but imagine the press they'd get with their mug in the papers defending their rights. It would be a greater victory than any they could get.

But like I said, too bad I'm not that cruel.

Don’t kid yourself. If anybody tries to abridge the rights of adulterers guaranteed under the Charter, they will be taken to court in a flash. And not by the adulterers, but by civil rights organizations, by people who feel passionately about civil rights, about Charter rights.

Indeed, people like me, who have never committed adultery, would stand solidly with them. Rights guaranteed under the Charter are sacrosanct, and cannot be taken away from somebody, just because somebody else finds their conduct immoral. Adultery may be immoral, but it is certainly not illegal. Adulterers enjoy fully as many rights as anybody else.

 

[china]

Praxius;

Hey Praxius , Thanks for all the good advices man.

 

[Machjo]

Wouldn't you just love to find a way of saying he or she without having to go into plurals or indefinites?

I usually just use the generic 'he'. I know it's not politically correct, but it steal beats uglier options like 'he/she', '(s)he', the singular 'they', etc.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

Perhaps because I think this thread was to spoof you all - Note no answers eh. And i do not think this felow is 47 - that is another but the main reason i asked - I thought this was BS from the start - read the posts he made. Gramar etc.

If the thread is BS, so what? It still makes a great subject for discussion.

 

[Goober]

If the thread is BS, so what? It still makes a great subject for discussion.

I agree that it can be a good topic for discussion

 

[Free your mind]

hey this is not a b/s thread ive been away for a month hence no reply's ,and to weather you think im 47 or not really doesn't mater does it .?

 

[selin]

Or her best friend - or if the mother is really good looking -

lastly - if she does come back and wants to have sex -
Do everything she loves you to do - take her high in the sky - then just as the peak is approaching - jump up - put your clothes on and say Bye.

PS - Best get checked out by a Doc as well.

wow , what advices ! do you think taking revenge will comfort ? no, it just comforts the inferiors and simple characters- makes the high spirits lower, if one wants to revenge, the better choice is not to give any reaction,though.
to make someone feel negligible is the most effective striking and the way of keeping yourself high-esteemed.

Ps: having sex with a friend or sister of the adulteress for revenge may lead into her having sex with your relatives or friends , too .

When you get the "You're-a-great-guy-but...." speech or the "...but-we-can-still-be-friends" line, it's time to move on. Don't carry a grudge or kick your own ass because there was a reason your paths crossed in the first place.

then , those lines are universal, one more tie among the cultures -generally these lines are said to men. Is it also the same?

 

[VanIsle]

Adultery - once considered a terrible sin. Judges don't seem to frown on it much anymore. The son of a friend recently found his wife had a boyfriend. They have two children. She gets to live in their house with the children (and with her boyfriend) and our friends son has to continue paying the mtg. I don't know yet what else he has to pay. My son's next door neighbour, married over 20 years found out his wife was having an affair with her boss. She moved out of their home (rental) and is now engaged to her "boss". He has lost almost everything he owns including his car. She's been allowed to pretty much take it all. Her "boss" is a well off man. Go figure!
My son's wife cheated for over a year before telling him she no longer wanted to be a wife or a mother! The war for property is on. Everyday she is asking for more and more (except the children). She wants money, freedom and her boyfriend. She spends approx. 9 hours a week with the children. The judge will probably award her what she wants.

 

[Machjo]

Don’t kid yourself. If anybody tries to abridge the rights of adulterers guaranteed under the Charter, they will be taken to court in a flash. And not by the adulterers, but by civil rights organizations, by people who feel passionately about civil rights, about Charter rights.

Indeed, people like me, who have never committed adultery, would stand solidly with them. Rights guaranteed under the Charter are sacrosanct, and cannot be taken away from somebody, just because somebody else finds their conduct immoral. Adultery may be immoral, but it is certainly not illegal. Adulterers enjoy fully as many rights as anybody else.

So do you think it fair to be able to sue an adulterer for damages? And I'm not talking about just the spouse, but also the child and possibly others that might have been affected? In some cases it can have repercussions across a number of relationships in the adulterer's life, including friends, extended family, work relationships, etc.

 

[Sаbine]

When you found out that you had been cheated on what did you do or not do.?

Not sure this is in the right thread but here goes

i just found out this month that Ive been cheated on for past 8 months,we were rarely together and she had that freedom ,she found someone else and lied to me until i kinda knew something was wrong,now she just wants to be friends and this week she dumped him and is off with another guy,and is not talking to me at all it seems i told her i cant do this it kills ,she still says we can be friends


i need time to heal ,i think what do you say,would welcome opinions on Love and the merrygoround that it is

Once a cheater, always a cheater. No matter married or not, the lack of commitment is a serious issue. Forgive if you can, forget if you can, and move on as soon as you can. You'll be better off without that baggage.

 

[Downhome_Woman]

That sums it up nicely.

You either live up to a commitment, or you leave the relationship. In my opinion, cheating on a significant other means that you cannot be trusted to live up to any commitment.

Exactly.

When you found out that you had been cheated on what did you do or not do.?

Not sure this is in the right thread but here goes

i just found out this month that Ive been cheated on for past 8 months,we were rarely together and she had that freedom ,she found someone else and lied to me until i kinda knew something was wrong,now she just wants to be friends and this week she dumped him and is off with another guy,and is not talking to me at all it seems i told her i cant do this it kills ,she still says we can be friends


i need time to heal ,i think what do you say,would welcome opinions on Love and the merrygoround that it is

She wants to be 'friends'? Friends don't treat friends that way. The relationship is over, and I honestly believe that if you remained 'friends' with that person, it would be a toxic friendship indeed.
Deleting her from your life totally might cause you pain, but in the end I truly believe it's the best thing for you to do.

 

[JLM]

I would question whether the word "friend" has any meaning to a chronic cheater, besides maybe "acquaintance".

 

[SirJosephPorter]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. No matter married or not, the lack of commitment is a serious issue. Forgive if you can, forget if you can, and move on as soon as you can. You'll be better off without that baggage.

I disagree with your advice slightly. By all means forgive her (not forgive if you can), that is good for the soul (not that I believe in soul). You forgive her not for her sake (she may or may not deserve it), but for your own sake. That will give you closure, you can put her out of your mind. And then most certainly forget her; make a clean, fresh start.

So my advice is, forgive and forget. But learn something from your experience.

 

[MHz]

I felt like breaking her debit card machine, as it is I ordered another beer instead of following to see which hotel room she was headed for. She was more embarrased than me by that time. lol The only thing worse than a hooker is a good-looking hooker. lol