Geez, you are just plain mean there Countryboy...............:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
A spanked child may be a better adult
- Thread starter JLM
- Start date
Geez, you are just plain mean there Countryboy...............:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
Well, at least I don't have to worry about getting a spanking for it! :lol:
Besides, it says in the Charter - section 2 "Fundamental Freedoms"..."Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms:
b) freedom of thought, belief, opinion, and expression including freedom of the press and other media of communication;"
Spanking between consenting adult is definitely not a form of punishement:lol:
I hadn't considered THAT application of a spanking! Good point...although I would prefer the other consenting adult to be a female...just my personal preference, you understand... :lol:
I disagree in that example CB..
I am not supporting anyone but will you that example as a starting point for my discussion..
Our daughter was ADD / ODD.. Not sure if you are familiar with the terms.. We had a terrible time with her as a child breaking out into fits in stores.. When I was with my ex our daughter would throw herself on the floor and scream. Yet when I was with her alone she was fine and would behave properly..
My Ex would always drag her out of the store by her arms while the daughter dangles like a rag doll.. To me that was as bad as spanking her and our daughter would make as much of a fuss as possible.. It would always amaze me that my Ex never clued in on how our daughter loved the attention.. But our daughter now tells me ( she is 18 ) that in her mind it would really hurt her.. She realizes she was being a brat but loved making Mom look bad.. Besides as she says, she would always get what she wanted..
On the other hand, I would sit there with her on the floor and wait.. And we would talk about why she was sitting there and if she screamed I would tell her consequences would happen and that they would get worse.
Two things out of this would generally happen.. One I would stick by my Consequences.. So if I told our daughter no TV for a week for screaming at the store she knew she could not watch her favourite TV show she would really want to watch.. I would always pick something new she loved to do as a consequence to make sure it would catch her attention.. So if the new thing was playing with a new toy or the Computer then it would be taken away for an appropriate amount of time for the consequence.. Finding the child's gold as they say is the ticket and man does it work.. Second of course is that they would get longer..
I rarely had problems with her after the first encounter ADD / ODD or not..
I never had to restrain her except when Mom was around and then it would kick in on her to do the crazy stuff so Mom would panic and make the fuss to attention could be focused on her..
So today I have the daughter living with me, because she could not handle living at Mom's due to lack rules.. She tells me she requires structure and consequences to function..
My youngest ( 5 years old ) is a charm and I have no problems with him.. However he is starting to show similar signs of throwing fits at Mom's house only.. See a problem here ?
Yup, and it has nothing to do with spanking or not. It has to do with competence as a parent.
You really don't need to spank a child to teach them right or wrong..
The trick is to find their "gold" or what makes them tick. A fine balance of giving or taking away will do a much better job then spanking the child..
Remember that spanking a child, at any age, can be just as bad as beating them in their minds.. You are teaching your kids that abuse is OK..
Being a better parent is work.. Sorry but none of us are born with the talent.. The problem is few of us are willing to accept the fact we may need to be told how to become better parents.. Learning any skill is not a crime..
The trick is to find their "gold" or what makes them tick. A fine balance of giving or taking away will do a much better job then spanking the child..
Remember that spanking a child, at any age, can be just as bad as beating them in their minds.. You are teaching your kids that abuse is OK..
Being a better parent is work.. Sorry but none of us are born with the talent.. The problem is few of us are willing to accept the fact we may need to be told how to become better parents.. Learning any skill is not a crime..
Of course it does.. That's what spanking usually comes down to.. A bad parent will use spanking as a quick means to incompetence.
A good parent finds alternatives..
No one can argue as to how many crimes are reported. No one knows the answer. Doesn't matter what the method of counting crimes is. You know I am a non-believer in stats. They are figures made up to suit what a company/country wants us to believe they are. Show a high crime rate in BC and then who wants to move here and that is exactly what you quoted to someone who was considering moving to BC. I hope that person had the good sense to do further research before making a firm decision not to come to BC because of the crime rate. Crime rates change on a daily basis. I'm sure the stats for BC went through the roof when the East Indian family was murdered in Vernon years ago. While that looked bad on paper, it was a crime of passion in one family (two to be exact if we include the murderer himself). This man was not a threat to anyone else and it's things like that, that make me so against stats.
Because a parent spanks a child does not make them a person out of control of their own emotions. Some people are out of control while others use a smack on the butt or the hand to settle a child down. I've watched mothers who let their kids completely control them. Fathers too. I've watched the odd parent over react. I've seen many angry people in line-ups as people let their children mis-behave in public. There is something extremely disturbing about a screaming child (3 - 10 ys. approx) that a parent is ignoring. There is also something just as disturbing about a screaming parent in the same circumstances who thinks they are showing the public how in control they are (not). The one who thinks they are displaying patience is the one people see as too inept to know what to do with their own child and the screamers are the ones people see as out of control as the child. The parent who says "are we going to have to leave this store because of you?" or "no! You cannot have the movie, so stop screaming now" has a better hold on both themselves and the child and even if the child keeps up a little fussing, someone has made an attempt to do something and you can usually tell which children know they better stop and they better stop right then.
In some cases it's black and blue. Most spankings I got, I deserved. The beatings; not so much. It's a fine line me hearties......arghhhhhhhhh.
irate:
A child who gets a whack in the store often gets one as a quick fix - a necessary one. Children are well aware of the fact that loud screaming often gets them the toy/candy/movie they want. Children have to learn the word no and not everyone has the time for the text book answers you are providing. Not all children respond to those text book answers either.
Not all spanking is the result of an enraged bad parent.
You two live in some world, where you see horror and abuse in everything.
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Francis I guess it depends on your definition of spanking. To some people a spanking is a beating. To others it's a tap on the hands or the butt. Taps are all that are necessary. Anyone who beats a child should be jailed. I agree that talking it out, taking away privileges are great but as you stated, your daughter knew you would carry through with your threat but many children know the incident will be over with the moment they leave the store with the item they wanted in hand.
Consideration for other shoppers is 'not' hitting your kid
so they can be satisfied or thankful you have made the kid
shut it's mouth, so they can be more comfortable.
The situation is between the parent and the child, not for
the benefit of anyone else. Most people have seen children
misbehave, and having to hear and see it isn't a lifethreatening situation for them, it's just life, and
I'm sure if they saw an intelligent parent do what they
need to do, 'without' hitting the kid, they would appreciate
it much more than witnessing 'hitting'. A little tap on
the butt isn't going to stop this behavior,only a hard
smack, that hurts and frightens, and also some well
thought out intelligent parenting 'will', so I would choose
the latter.
Hitting is usually done quickly, spontaniously and in a
quick surge of anger, (the actions of the child have immediately angered the parent,) hence a quick retalliation from the parent, without much thought at all,and I have only met one parent in my
life that did it like the 'old' school principals did it,
by announcing to the child that he/she will get the strap,
or whatever corporal punishment, and it will be done at a
certain time, in a certain place, and done in a business
manner, without anger.
I gave out a few physical smacks on the butt when my first
child was small, but soon learned that I was the one who
looked stupid, hitting my kid, and I learned to do it much
better from then on, without raising my hand, but my words
did the trick, without threats, and I learned that I had
the ability to do it with success.
I agree there are certain situations where the kid must be
immediately 'restrained' for the good of the situation,
overall, and might have to be held for a short time, till
the child settles down, but that does not include hitting,
or squeezing an arm till it bruises, just firm holding, and
I have done that on certain occasions, till I can feel the
child relax, and we can let go, and move forward in a more
calm manner.
Hitting only shows the strength of the bigger adult over a
child.
I know many parents just don't know any other way, so not
sure what to say about them, just too bad I guess, maybe
their kids will figure it out, but kids usually pick up
paranting habits from how they were paranted.
Not sure why SJP is so criticized on this forum because he has the same
opinion as I do, we just don't agree with 'corporal punishment', and it is
only an opposite opinion from those who think 'hitting' a child is OK , just accept it, that's life. That's what a forum invites, opposing opinions as well as agreeable ones, not a biggy at all.
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2 points here, Francis:
1. I used the word "might" in the example with which you disagreed to demonstrate that every situation is different and there are very few "absolutes" when it comes to dealing with children's behaviours. The example was: "Have you considered the possibility that the mother might be demonstrating a degree of consideration for other shoppers by bringing this inappropriate behaviour to the immediate attention of the child?"
2. A parent should deal with their own children's behaviours in the best way they see fit. Sounds like you did that. Good for you!
Well, we're all entitled to our opinions and intrepretations of the term "spanking", and they appear to be all over the map. Thanks for yours.
Wait a second..
Just because I have the ability to deal with issues and not use spanking as a tool only makes me a better person..
Just because I have the ability to deal with issues and not use spanking as a tool only makes me a better person..
