A spanked child may be a better adult
- Thread starter JLM
- Start date
Now you have got it, JLM. You have pinpointed the reason why spanking is popular with some; it is the easy way out. Parent is much bigger, stronger than the child, it doesn’t take any effort to spank the child. It also solves the problem, temporarily. The child stops doing whatever it was doing to cause the spanking, for a while. It also usually makes the parent feel good, he gets the satisfaction that he has done something to solve the situation. But the damage caused can be long lasing in some cases.
Not spanking is more difficult, one has to be creative in coming up with punishment, perhaps one has to take time to talk to their child, try to get through to the child, find out if there is any reason why child is behaving that way that the parent is unaware of. These are all difficult options and take time. That is why some people take the easy way out, they resort to spanking.
Spoken like someone who truly has zero idea what he is talking about.
I think Canadian Tire has clues on sale this week; feel free to go buy one.
It is a good thing I never used spanking? I thought spanking was supposed to be good for the child?
And not all parents who spank have the ability to restrain themselves. Many of them spank their kid when they are angry, a person cannot think properly, logically when he/she is angry.
"The child stops doing whatever it was doing to cause the spanking, for a while." This is where you could be wrong- when I was a kid I stopped what it was I was doing permanently (we weren't stupid in those days) As for the alternate actions you suggest, I've never disputed the benefits of them, and would only advocate spanking after they've been tried.
It is usually anger that causes spanking, JLM. The child who misbehaves in the supermarket and his mother gives him a whack as a result, does not do so because she loves him (maybe she does, but that is a separate issue), she does so because she is angry with him.
Or a father who takes a belt to his son or his daughter does so because he is angry with him/her. Anger and spanking go together many times.
Well once again, that all looks good on paper. And don't get me wrong, much of it is, in theory.
You mentioned, in reference to spanking, "But the damage caused can be long lasing in some cases." On the farm when I was a kid, if a child refused to stay away from something like the intake side of a grain auger (especially a visiting child vs. one resident on the farm), usually a quick smack on the butt would get his/her attention and send a strong signal that something is amiss. Taking the time to have a lengthy discussion could easily result in "kid-burger" ending up in the grain storage bin. That's very serious long term damage.
Another option would be to simply keep the child away from those situations completely. However, it would teach them nothing about safety around farm machinery and limit their overall development by missing out on valuable experiences.
SJP, with all due respect, all that shows is that you don't understand the concept, and it's probably a good thing that you never used spanking.
Whenever I see or hear remarks like these, I wonder if they are a result of a bad upbringing, including a lack of disciplined training in the early years. Appointing oneself judge, jury, and executioner on any subject shows - in addition to arrogance - a complete lack of empathy for other people, in this case, other parents. It's an all too common "rip in the social fabric" of Canada these days.
I wondering what your version of "more harm than good" in reference to spanking really is, in your mind?
You believe spanking is only used in anger, so therefore it is a good thing that you never used it. You show little ability to comprehend anything posted on here, so I certainly don't expect you to comprehend the concept that the world is not digital.
There are more states than 0 and 1.
However, you see everything in the world in extremes, with no ability to see graduations in anythng.
"The child who misbehaves in the supermarket and his mother gives him a whack as a result, does not do so because she loves him (maybe she does, but that is a separate issue), she does so because she is angry with him."
Have you considered the possibility that the mother might be demonstrating a degree of consideration for other shoppers by bringing this inappropriate behaviour to the immediate attention of the child? "She does so because she is angry with him" has no basis in fact - you have no way of knowing that. It's an assumption on your part, and you make that assumption based on your own prejudice against spanking. Can you not see that? No, of course you can't.
I don't think S.J. can see he's on the losing side of an argument- nobody is saying "one must spank a child or that it is the best form of punishment", only that it is one form that can be used in certain instances with some success for some who use it. In a post the other day he used the phrase "never say never".
I was spanked as a kid. I don't think it did any lasting harm to me and in some cases it did teach me the lesson of fearing the consequences of actions I knew were wrong. Its not appropriate for every transgression or situation and like others have said if its over-used it loses its effectiveness.
Some have mentioned that spanking is like a defeat and I can agree with that to a large extent but so does any punishment: it means you failed in teaching the lesson you have tried to impart. I have a 4 month old son whom I hope I never have to punish (but I know its inevitable that he'll do something) and a 12 year old step son who is difficult to deal with because his father demands little to no accountability in his actions, while his mother and I do have higher behavioural standards. I hate punishing the 12 year old and while it is necessary, it does feel like a defeat... yet his actions cannot go unanswered. I can see where corporal punishment has an appeal in that regard. What do you do when you've run out of options in addressing unacceptable actions/behaviour? I don't use it on my stepson or even think it is effective at his age but talking doesn't work when a kid won't listen and removal of priviledges/grounding only goes so far...
Some have mentioned that spanking is like a defeat and I can agree with that to a large extent but so does any punishment: it means you failed in teaching the lesson you have tried to impart. I have a 4 month old son whom I hope I never have to punish (but I know its inevitable that he'll do something) and a 12 year old step son who is difficult to deal with because his father demands little to no accountability in his actions, while his mother and I do have higher behavioural standards. I hate punishing the 12 year old and while it is necessary, it does feel like a defeat... yet his actions cannot go unanswered. I can see where corporal punishment has an appeal in that regard. What do you do when you've run out of options in addressing unacceptable actions/behaviour? I don't use it on my stepson or even think it is effective at his age but talking doesn't work when a kid won't listen and removal of priviledges/grounding only goes so far...
I don't accept your opinion. It has no factual basis.
You said, "None of these things are done when the perpetrator is angry, not in control of his emotions." - but one of my examples was speeding on to a highway...have you never heard of road rage? (Remember, we said, "if carried to an extreme...")
Your opinion that spanking is a result of uncontrolled anger is pretty hard to take seriously in that you have demonstrated a prejudice against it throughout the thread and are unwilling to consider other people's opinions on the subject.
In legal terms, that automatically disqualifies you from jury duty. :-|
Wulfie, as a parent I can relate very well to what you're talking about. However, I think you have to direct your question to SirJP, the unquestionable authority on how to raise a child...he seems to have all the answers so I can hardly wait to hear the advice on 'Porter's Perfect Parenting' that will surely be forthcoming from the oracle. ;-)
Which demonstrates my contention perfectly "those who won't admit they are wrong or adjust their opinions don't learn anything".................:smile::smile::smile::smile:
Let's play that back, with a bit of word substitution, and see how it looks:
"Again, arrogance does not solve anything, it does more harm than good. If all these methods fail, I think it denotes more the lack of social skills, rather than the stubbornness of the adult."
Yep, it makes sense to me.