"The child who misbehaves in the supermarket and his mother gives him a whack as a result, does not do so because she loves him (maybe she does, but that is a separate issue), she does so because she is angry with him."
Have you considered the possibility that the mother might be demonstrating a degree of consideration for other shoppers by bringing this inappropriate behaviour to the immediate attention of the child? "She does so because she is angry with him" has no basis in fact - you have no way of knowing that. It's an assumption on your part, and you make that assumption based on your own prejudice against spanking. Can you not see that? No, of course you can't.
Consideration for other shoppers is 'not' hitting your kid
so they can be satisfied or thankful you have made the kid
shut it's mouth, so they can be more comfortable.
The situation is between the parent and the child, not for
the benefit of anyone else. Most people have seen children
misbehave, and having to hear and see it isn't a lifethreatening situation for them, it's just life, and
I'm sure if they saw an intelligent parent do what they
need to do, 'without' hitting the kid, they would appreciate
it much more than witnessing 'hitting'. A little tap on
the butt isn't going to stop this behavior,only a hard
smack, that hurts and frightens, and also some well
thought out intelligent parenting 'will', so I would choose
the latter.
Hitting is usually done quickly, spontaniously and in a
quick surge of anger, (the actions of the child have immediately angered the parent,) hence a quick retalliation from the parent, without much thought at all,and I have only met one parent in my
life that did it like the 'old' school principals did it,
by announcing to the child that he/she will get the strap,
or whatever corporal punishment, and it will be done at a
certain time, in a certain place, and done in a business
manner, without anger.
I gave out a few physical smacks on the butt when my first
child was small, but soon learned that I was the one who
looked stupid, hitting my kid, and I learned to do it much
better from then on, without raising my hand, but my words
did the trick, without threats, and I learned that I had
the ability to do it with success.
I agree there are certain situations where the kid must be
immediately 'restrained' for the good of the situation,
overall, and might have to be held for a short time, till
the child settles down, but that does not include hitting,
or squeezing an arm till it bruises, just firm holding, and
I have done that on certain occasions, till I can feel the
child relax, and we can let go, and move forward in a more
calm manner.
Hitting only shows the strength of the bigger adult over a
child.
I know many parents just don't know any other way, so not
sure what to say about them, just too bad I guess, maybe
their kids will figure it out, but kids usually pick up
paranting habits from how they were paranted.
Not sure why SJP is so criticized on this forum because he has the same
opinion as I do, we just don't agree with 'corporal punishment', and it is
only an opposite opinion from those who think 'hitting' a child is OK , just accept it, that's life. That's what a forum invites, opposing opinions as well as agreeable ones, not a biggy at all.