A spanked child may be a better adult

[SirJosephPorter]

Dear All

Jakarta - Indonesia , don't know what you guys think of but let me tel I have many colleges here who are from UK , America , Norway and Canada who are working as expacts and I am from India in telecom Industry as Indonesian Telecom Industry is listed in Top ten in the world compare with other parts of the world for telecom market.It multi billion USD

I knew it; I thought you were from India. From what I have read about Indonesia, it is a fascinating blend of Hinduism and Islam. Even though most of the population is Muslim, they revere the ancient Hindu texts such as Ramayana and Mahabharata. There are also plenty of Sanskrit place names, peoples’ names in Indonesia. I think their airline is called Garuda (“eagle’ in Sanskrit).

I think Indonesians themselves say, while their religion is Islam, their culture is Hindu. It is a fascinating merger of Hinduism and Islam, I think unique in the world.

 

[countryboy]

I knew it; I thought you were from India. From what I have read about Indonesia, it is a fascinating blend of Hinduism and Islam. Even though most of the population is Muslim, they revere the ancient Hindu texts such as Ramayana and Mahabharata. There are also plenty of Sanskrit place names, peoples’ names in Indonesia. I think their airline is called Garuda (“eagle’ in Sanskrit).

I think Indonesians themselves say, while their religion is Islam, their culture is Hindu. It is a fascinating merger of Hinduism and Islam, I think unique in the world.

I'm wondering if spanking would be generally accepted there...

 

[SirJosephPorter]

When you have the respect of a child. you have the authority of the message you are
getting up like it or not. There are ways to deal with it without hitting them.
I can't understand people in a flap over the fact that they can't control their child.
The first mistake is waiting until they are older and then trying to control them,
teaching them to reason comes at an early age. Back when they first encounter other
little kids in the playground.

Quite so, damngrumpy, I find that difficult as well. We never had any problem with controlling our son. And this in spite of the fact that he knew he will never be hit, no matter what.

It may be that we did everything just right, or we had a particularly complaint child. I myself think a bit of both. Ever since he was a little boy, he would always listen to us, but try to assert his independence whenever he could, while staying within the rules.

I remember a rather amusing episode. Our son may have been 6 or 7 at that time. Once we had gone for some function in a church. At the beginning the announcer warned little kids about running around and making nuisance of themselves. He told them that they are allowed only in the function hall. Oh, and in the washroom, he added as an afterthought.

Well, the function was particularly boring; I attended it mainly for my wife. After an hour I was ready to go, my wife decided to stay on. I decided to take our son home. I looked for him everywhere in the hall; he was nowhere to be seen. I was wondering where he could be, that was totally unlike him.

Anyway, I had to go to the washroom and guess what? He and two of his friends were chatting in the washroom. So he obeyed the rules, but at the same time, he asserted his independence, he did not want to sit through the boring function.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

I'm wondering if spanking would be generally accepted there...

You mean in India or in Indonesia? My guess would be that it is generally accepted in both the countries. Perhaps Vinod will correct me if I am wrong.

 

[lone wolf]

Big deal. You were in control of your kid. Kids aren't statistics. No two are alike. You really should have had a second - just for the wisdom.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

Looking back I'd have to say the fear of the belt was far worse than the belt. Pain goes away rapidly but those two hours of pure hell waiting for dad to get home really gave you time to think about not ending up in this type of situation again.

In a way you are right, petros, only I would put it somewhat differently. The pain caused by the belt, the physical wounds caused by the belt will heal in time. The mental wounds, the psychological damage would be much more long lasting.

 

[lone wolf]

Were you spanked, Potty?

 

[SirJosephPorter]

I see a wealth of wisdom in your posts that goes far beyond the subject of spanking. I think it casts serious doubt on the necessity of the modern day practice of two parents being away from the home and "farming" out child raising to a stranger who generally doesn't have a clue about raising kids- just another job for money. It would also be very interesting to see "your take" on the thread comparing 1959 to 2009. There are a few parallels I can see between your life and mine.

We farmed out our son to day care JLM, we were both working. It didn’t do him any harm. There is no evidence to suggest that day care harms children in any way. If anything, it may even help them with socializing skills.

 

[YukonJack]

"We farmed out our son to day care JLM, we were both working. It didn’t do him any harm. There is no evidence to suggest that day care harms children in any way. If anything, it may even help them with socializing skills."

One of the greatest regrets of my life is that when we were young, my wife and I put more emphasis on material goods than on our children.

Both were raised the same way. One turned out to be a not so successfull individual, while the other is the best Mother one can imagine.

Who knows what might have happened if one of us had stayed home and be a 24/7 parent?

 

[relic]

Sorry,I'm late and did'nt finish the assignment,anyone mention the stap in school?I got that a lot{I deserverd it}I don't think it had any detrimental effects .
We had new chemical toilets in the school{two room}i caught a starling and put it down the girls toilet and waited in the entry for the fun{I was an evil child}

 

[SirJosephPorter]

"We farmed out our son to day care JLM, we were both working. It didn’t do him any harm. There is no evidence to suggest that day care harms children in any way. If anything, it may even help them with socializing skills."

One of the greatest regrets of my life is that when we were young, my wife and I put more emphasis on material goods than on our children.

Both were raised the same way. One turned out to be a not so successfull individual, while the other is the best Mother one can imagine.

Who knows what might have happened if one of us had stayed home and be a 24/7 parent?

Probably the same thing would have happened, YJ. Same thing with us, our son would not have turned out better if one of us had stayed home (in fact, I don't see how he could be any better).

 

[Risus]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child". I honestly believe that is true.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child". I honestly believe that is true.

That is what the Bible says, Risus. Bible says that he who does not spank or discipline his child, hates his child (or something similar).

Since I have never spanked my son, I assume according to Bible, I must hate my son.

 

[AnnaG]

But the Bible's proponents are children themselves, according to the Bible, so what does that tell us? lol It also says something about the blind leading the blind.

 

[JLM]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child". I honestly believe that is true.

That old saw is a little confusing, it can have two opposite meanings.

 

[Hazmart]

Hey everyone, I know this can be an emotional topic to discuss however, please keep the discussion to the thread topic and cut out the ridiculous name calling!

 

[Cliffy]

Hey everyone, I know this can be an emotional topic to discuss however, please keep the discussion to the thread topic and cut out the ridiculous name calling!

Spank me! I've been naughty.... Please!

 

[damngrumpy]

When I was much younger my wife and I took in emergency foster kids, you know the
ones who had been beaten. I remember one little guy that was beaten because he was hungry and the parents spent the money on booze. I remember one little girl
who was spanked and put outside in January because she was crying. She was six and hungry. It was our job to sometimes get up in the middle of the night, feed and
sometime give them a bath and put them in a safe warm bed. These kids would be
with us for a day or two and a few were with us for months. Some of the older ones
once they knew they would be treated fairly, actually adapted quite well to their new
situation. I was a broadcaster at the time, and became involved in foster parenting.
We actually adopted one little girl who stayed with us for a couple of years.
I guess that is why I decided there would never be spankings in our house and in
addition it made me a better parent.
Here is one of the hardest things I ever did to get through to a kid. She was 11 at
the time. She maintained she didn't have to do a single thing to be part of the
family and I agreed. But for every shared chore she refused to do, she gave up a
privilege. Day one no covers on her bed. no treats the other kids got who did
chores dishes after dinner etc. The lesson was that we all benefit from helping
each other and more hands make less work. She has kids of her own now and we
still remark on it now and then. She gained a sense of family and finished school
and post secondary. No not all did as well but I do hear from some of them now
and then. Never once have I said kids shouldn't have discipline. I don't agree with
spanking because in my opinion it sends the wrong message. Do as I say, and if
I am bigger I can hit you. In many cases children don't listen, they watch what
adults do and mimic behavior, A child who can reason at an early age has a
decided advantage to solving problems because they can think about choices
But every parent has to do what they feel is best. I had seven of them, they are
all doing well. I have 23 grand kids who have a strong sense of family so things
can work out just takes a lot of work that's all.

 

[lone wolf]

That's your choice. I did the emergency shelter thing too and could swap horror stories. Abusive parents should not have kids - plain and simple - yet CAS keeps giving them back. Anyone who doesn't know the difference between spanking and beating is a potential abuser. I still maintain a smack on the butt hurts a hell of a lot less than a Buick when you catch the kid zooming out of the driveway without a stop at the end. Sure you can take the bike away for a while. Chances are the kid will do it where you can't see him when the bike riding privilege is restored.

NOTE for NIT PICKERS: The bike thing is an example.

 

[VanIsle]

That's your choice. I did the emergency shelter thing too and could swap horror stories. Abusive parents should not have kids - plain and simple - yet CAS keeps giving them back. Anyone who doesn't know the difference between spanking and beating is a potential abuser. I still maintain a smack on the butt hurts a hell of a lot less than a Buick when you catch the kid zooming out of the driveway without a stop at the end. Sure you can take the bike away for a while. Chances are the kid will do it where you can't see him when the bike riding privilege is restored.

NOTE for NIT PICKERS: The bike thing is an example.

Agreed. Abusive parents certainly do know the difference. What damngrumpy is giving are extreme examples. There is just such a major difference between a pat on the bum or a tap on the hand for a "no no" then to actually hurt the child. There is never a need to go beyond hurting a child's feelings and making someone sleep on a bed with no blankets to my way of thinking is pretty extreme. The pat and the hurt feelings are over with quickly and may have to be repeated but to me, taking away bedding is just short of saying "no dinner for you tonight". I guess we all have our belief in what is abusive and what is fair.