Rude: Where Are Our Manners

[AnnaG]

So, just a few minutes in, and one of the things that struck me is their statement that 'manners' are too often what people expect others to extend to them. :lol:

Yup. I caught that, too. This is the second time I've seen this. I think it was on last fall, too.
I think it's a bit easier to be nice in a rural area or small town. Familiarity breeds contempt, as the saying goes, so everyone squished into cities kind of get the opposite of cabin fever. Just my hypothesis.

 

[AnnaG]

Manners are for pussy's.

lol Curmudgeon. Well, if you can't use them, you can't expect anyone to use them on you. But, you can't fool me, you're a decent sort.

 

[AnnaG]

Driving is another one of the many instances where we have a huge capacity to make the people around prove us right. Being uptight and aggressive makes other drivers uptight and aggressive.

lolThey try anyway, I think. Came back from town the other day with someone right on my back bumper. Normally I am about 8 or 10 kliks over the speed limit. I dropped to the speed limit or slower. It backed off a bit. I sped up. Eventually it was on my bumper again. I slowed. After a while it backed off and I sped up. Once more and along came a passing lane and two large pickups went zooming by me. 2 kliks down the road the three of us they'd passed had to slow down to let these 2 jackasses turn left off the highway. Go figure.
Both of us like stopping at crosswalks, letting people into the traffic line, etc. Most people here wave a thank you.

 

[VanIsle]

If spankings are the cure for self centredness, then I would agree. But spank your kid all you want, if they're not taught by example how to approach the world with a eye for improving it for others, then they'll never learn it. Perhaps that's part of the 'downfall' that we see... as parents got more busy, they decided that the spankings were what had instilled respect, rather than their parents' actions in the world. As they got less polite (I'm sorry, baby boomers may look down their noses, but, they aren't perfect either) and more rushed, they simply forgot to pass on the stuff that was supposed to go along with the spankings.

I'm a baby boomer. My kids didn't grow up with spankings. They still laugh at me now because I would "ground them" and say it was for 2 weeks but then there would be something they really wanted to go to in about 2 days and I always gave in. I have a good relationship with both of them and I see them raising their kids in much the same manner. Manners will get you through almost any door in life. I am often taken back at some of the kids that are wearing earrings in their eye brows, nose, lips, etc. and they have on the toughest looking clothes and they look like if you turn your back for even a second they'll beat on you and they have the most gentle manners. Some of them even take the time to chat for a moment or two which really surprises me.

 

[AnnaG]

Yes, respect can be earned but some people won't let you earn it. They are too full of their own misery.

... or importance, or that you don't count, etc.

I have an older man who comes in the store about 3 times a week. I say "Good Morning". He doesn't say a word. For the first couple of months I thought he couldn't speak. He will not speak unless he thinks I may have charged him wrong. He carries a scowl on his face as he makes his purchase and shuffles out for the next time. Oddly enough, he nearly always comes through my till.

His name is Gerry H? lmao
In almost 13 years of having a store, my partner and I only once told someone they were not welcome back in our store. That was bad because we always went by the adage that the customer is always right. The jerk got his product, was told it would be appreciated if he never came back, and he left.

 

[AnnaG]

I'm a baby boomer. My kids didn't grow up with spankings. They still laugh at me now because I would "ground them" and say it was for 2 weeks but then there would be something they really wanted to go to in about 2 days and I always gave in. I have a good relationship with both of them and I see them raising their kids in much the same manner. Manners will get you through almost any door in life. I am often taken back at some of the kids that are wearing earrings in their eye brows, nose, lips, etc. and they have on the toughest looking clothes and they look like if you turn your back for even a second they'll beat on you and they have the most gentle manners. Some of them even take the time to chat for a moment or two which really surprises me.

Neat, isn't it? I have a daughter that sometimes looks like a holy terror. lol But I have to say as disheveled and wildly-colored as she may be, she sure is a bit of art. It's her method of expressiveness. I can imagine people would see her working and think she has a twin sister who's a black sheep, too, because she is neat, primped, and proper at work. I love it.

 

[VanIsle]

... or importance, or that you don't count, etc. His name is Gerry H? lmao
In almost 13 years of having a store, my partner and I only once told someone they were not welcome back in our store. That was bad because we always went by the adage that the customer is always right. The jerk got his product, was told it would be appreciated if he never came back, and he left.

There are times I wish I could tell that to someone but - it's not my store. Couple of days ago a fellow - probably late 50's - early 60's was attempting to use the self scan. There is a look up section for items you don't know the PLU for. He was holding a canteloupe and the light above him was flashing (that means I am supposed to go help). I went over and explained that it was a lookup item. I could have told him the number but I'm not trying to make it easy for the store owner to replace human service. With different thought processes happening, he chose the letter K for his canteloupe. I assumed it was a spelling thing. The letters are not all there by themselves, so it's K--M. I thought canteloupe, he thought melon. I reached up and hit the C without asking him. He chose the wrong picture out of his anger at me for choosing C and getting him on the right page. He chose cut canteloupe which is more exensive than uncut. I told him his error but I guess some people don't like to be told. I just said that the one he chose was cut and would cost him more. This is the second time in the past months that I have had this same man. He turned to me and said "why don't you just go away and let me do what I want and if I need you I will call". I did as he asked and he paid for the expensive cut. He also paid for a pear he found out he didn't want. He let his pride get in the way of being helped. He went away mad and I just saw him as a foolish man.

 

[Kakato]

Well after a few rebellious episodes with mom,I was taught manners by a few beatings as i'm sure most peeps over 40 have been and I have nothing but respect for most folks now,unless their assholes.

 

[Kakato]

I was taught.you allways open a door for anyone or hold it open,you stop on the highway if someone has a flat,you allways respect anyone with more tree rings or experience,maybe learn something.

 

[Kakato]

There are times I wish I could tell that to someone but - it's not my store. Couple of days ago a fellow - probably late 50's - early 60's was attempting to use the self scan. There is a look up section for items you don't know the PLU for. He was holding a canteloupe and the light above him was flashing (that means I am supposed to go help). I went over and explained that it was a lookup item. I could have told him the number but I'm not trying to make it easy for the store owner to replace human service. With different thought processes happening, he chose the letter K for his canteloupe. I assumed it was a spelling thing. The letters are not all there by themselves, so it's K--M. I thought canteloupe, he thought melon. I reached up and hit the C without asking him. He chose the wrong picture out of his anger at me for choosing C and getting him on the right page. He chose cut canteloupe which is more exensive than uncut. I told him his error but I guess some people don't like to be told. I just said that the one he chose was cut and would cost him more. This is the second time in the past months that I have had this same man. He turned to me and said "why don't you just go away and let me do what I want and if I need you I will call". I did as he asked and he paid for the expensive cut. He also paid for a pear he found out he didn't want. He let his pride get in the way of being helped. He went away mad and I just saw him as a foolish man.

Lucky he had any manners after that.
Sometimes we shouldnt assume that folks have grasped on to the new technology,it's overwhelming at times.

My dad at 76 just got on the "line" and has a facebook account.
He has a terrible time with it.

 

[Nuggler]

Yes, respect can be earned but some people won't let you earn it. They are too full of their own misery. I have an older man who comes in the store about 3 times a week. I say "Good Morning". He doesn't say a word. For the first couple of months I thought he couldn't speak. He will not speak unless he thinks I may have charged him wrong. He carries a scowl on his face as he makes his purchase and shuffles out for the next time. Oddly enough, he nearly always comes through my till.

He's after yer bod, Vanisle. Watch out. Or not.;-)


I like opening doors for ladies. They are not used to it, and invariably say thank you..........If not, I trip them.:laughing6:

Peeve: Guys that drive up to the beer store, and sit in the car while the gal goes in and carries out the beer. Now, that ain't mannerly. :shaking: And they never offer me any.............:-(go figure.

 

[AnnaG]

He's after yer bod, Vanisle. Watch out. Or not.;-)


I like opening doors for ladies. They are not used to it, and invariably say thank you..........If not, I trip them.:laughing6:

Peeve: Guys that drive up to the beer store, and sit in the car while the gal goes in and carries out the beer. Now, that ain't mannerly. :shaking: And they never offer me any.............:-(go figure.

I bet it's their idea of designated driving. lol

 

[Kakato]

There's an old saying that people gravitate towards those who make them feel good,then there's the old saying that misery loves company.
Which way you go is up to you.:-|

 

[Stretch]

>>Quoting VanIsle Yes, respect can be earned but some people won't let you earn it. They are too full of their own misery. I have an older man who comes in the store about 3 times a week. I say "Good Morning". He doesn't say a word. For the first couple of months I thought he couldn't speak. He will not speak unless he thinks I may have charged him wrong. He carries a scowl on his face as he makes his purchase and shuffles out for the next time. Oddly enough, he nearly always comes through my till.<<
he's probably married :lol:
​

 

[VanIsle]

Lucky he had any manners after that.
Sometimes we shouldnt assume that folks have grasped on to the new technology,it's overwhelming at times.

My dad at 76 just got on the "line" and has a facebook account.
He has a terrible time with it.

I'm probably close to the man's age. He does not have to go to the self checkouts. He was simply being rude. Believe me - I deal with enough nice people in the day to know when someone's is nervous, confused or just plain rude.

 

[VanIsle]

He's after yer bod, Vanisle. Watch out. Or not.;-)


I like opening doors for ladies. They are not used to it, and invariably say thank you..........If not, I trip them.:laughing6:

Peeve: Guys that drive up to the beer store, and sit in the car while the gal goes in and carries out the beer. Now, that ain't mannerly. :shaking: And they never offer me any.............:-(go figure.

I'm sure yer right Nug! I'll watch myself when I leave the store after my shift! :lol::lol:;-)
Any woman dumb enough to be the one to go get the beer and carry it out for the guy, deserves to carry it. I usually only go to the liquor store when I need moving boxes. :lol:

 

[VanIsle]

>>Quoting VanIsle Yes, respect can be earned but some people won't let you earn it. They are too full of their own misery. I have an older man who comes in the store about 3 times a week. I say "Good Morning". He doesn't say a word. For the first couple of months I thought he couldn't speak. He will not speak unless he thinks I may have charged him wrong. He carries a scowl on his face as he makes his purchase and shuffles out for the next time. Oddly enough, he nearly always comes through my till.<<

he's probably married :lol:​

I know you are being funny but the "funny" thing is - I always feel a little sad for him. I think he probably was married and maybe his wife is gone or, maybe she is very ill and he must look after her. I really think he must live alone and spends so much time alone that he just doesn't want to talk. He has a scowl but it's more like a sad scowl than an angry scowl.

 

[LikelyGuy]

Re: Politeness

I live in a 'small town'. (I moved here 15 years ago from Vancouver.)

We're 250 (give/or take) souls at the end of the road. We wave at every vehicle. You never know who might; have a spare tire for you, five gallons of gas, pull your dumb ass out of a snowbank, or give you good directions.

The 'Golden Rule' is, is if we/all wave at you, WAVE BACK!

For the average city goer, I think that this would be intimidating.

*cue the banjos, I guess*

 

[Unforgiven]

Driving is another one of the many instances where we have a huge capacity to make the people around prove us right. Being uptight and aggressive makes other drivers uptight and aggressive.

This is often true, yet in Toronto we get a pretty good selection of all types of drivers. Some are just rude for the sake of being rude. The other side of that are those who really are too shy to drive a car.

While there are rules to the road, some prefer to just make their own rules up and expect you to figure them out. Mind you those rules change with their mood so your mileage may vary.

So what do you make of the idea that we've made such an effort getting kids to think they are special, that they took it to heart and now that they are grown, they expect that being special has it's perks? Any weight to that?

 

[YukonJack]

I don't think about manners, good, bad or otherwise, becuse my parents taught me the correct things when I was young.

So, to me good manners come naturally.