And just exactly what qualifies you to be the judge of everyone else's parenting skills?
A spanked child may be a better adult
- Thread starter JLM
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And just exactly what qualifies you to be the judge of everyone else's parenting skills?
We are not talking about a little pat on a thick diapered
child here, we are talking about 'spanking', which is
hitting, not beating a child black and blue either, so
it's not all over the place, and I think we all know what
hitting/spanking looks lie, we have all seen it or done it.
The primary rule of thumb is you can do a lot more damage to a child with words than you ever can with an open hand.
There are some rules of thumb with spanking children. One is its primary impact is to focus, rather than to inflict pain.. therefor it is symbolic and should be immediate, mild.. objective in tone and followed immediately with a reconiliation.
Personally i've always subscribed to the notion that you can do a lot more good with words and reason than an open hand, and that this is a last resort. In fact in my experience it usually a spontaneous act, usually regretted by the parent.
I don't think spanked kids are happier. More likely they come from more structured and predictable home environments, with consistent behavioural expectations and understandings. That will make for a happier kid.
There are some rules of thumb with spanking children. One is its primary impact is to focus, rather than to inflict pain.. therefor it is symbolic and should be immediate, mild.. objective in tone and followed immediately with a reconiliation.
Personally i've always subscribed to the notion that you can do a lot more good with words and reason than an open hand, and that this is a last resort. In fact in my experience it usually a spontaneous act, usually regretted by the parent.
I don't think spanked kids are happier. More likely they come from more structured and predictable home environments, with consistent behavioural expectations and understandings. That will make for a happier kid.
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Parents can have consistent behavioral expectations in their home
without hitting their kids, I don't agree with the above.
Well Talloola, I'm only going by what I'm reading throughout this thread. And I still believe I'm reading a lot of different interpretations of the term "spanking." I certainly have seen various degrees & styles of "hitting/spanking", which gives me cause to think that it just ain't all the same, which is what I meant by "all over the place." Sorry if I used an unclear choice of words there.
The point is, although it's an important subject to discuss, when you get right down to it, any parent will naturally feel they are "right" in their approach to these things, and it's very doubtful that they will be swayed by how another person sees it. I'm guessing that applies to you, and I know it certainly applies to me.
That doesn't make anyone "wrong"...it just means they at least have a mind of their own. If any of us can learn something from all the discussion, that is great.
However, I still think it is wrong to condemn how another parent raises their child just because their approach doesn't agree with someone else who happens to have a different approach.
Who gets to define competence ... or claim his/her opinion is any more valid than the next person?
OK LW, I lost track here..
I think, IMO, I am a better person for finding alternatives..
Better..
I think, IMO, I am a better person for finding alternatives..
Better..
Read my post again, I was not promoting the spanking of children.. just the opposite. But i don't consider it child abuse either.
Oh, oh...I just know the "g" word (government) is going to surface any minute now... 8O
If you read any of my posts, you would see I was judging no one.. I was however basing it on personal experience with my Ex in the post to CB..
I have never judged anyone because there are always two sides to every story..
That said, it doesn't mean I have no opinion..
Yeah, I can agree with you there, to a point, but I do hope
over the years, parents learn how to cope with the behavior of their children, by taking more time, learning to handle
children who are misbehaving, with more intelligent methods,
as hitting a child isn't the way to go, but it is harder
to figure out how to do it 'better'.
I have raised dogs for many years, 'no hitting', and very
well behaved animals, who are happy and not fearful of me
at all. It took some time to read, go to classes and be
part of training sessions to teach me how to do this, and
it is a very enjoyable companionship with an animal when
one can teach them to be a happy well adjusted adult dog,
without laying a hand on them.
Actually, it only makes you a person with one less tool than the one who has spanking as one of the available tools.
It doesn't make you any better or any worse.
Exactly.
When around situations or items that are inherently dangerous, NOTHING focuses a kid's attention like a rarely-used slap. The point is that corporal punishment should be used RARELY.....thus making very, very clear the gravity of the offense when it is used.....
Whacking a kid once a day, or once a week means the method soon loses its effectiveness.......
See, you've fallen into that trap again, believing that all spanking is abuse, and that any spanking is equivalent to beating.
How you people get there, I don't know, but I guess in your minds, a kiss is the same as a blow job, since you don't seem to have any ability to think in degrees, only absolutes.
Not from me it won't....
I'm thinking of services that will harass a parent because the kid went to school without socks - but will turn a blind eye to a kid who has repeatedly been in ER with unexplained bruises and broken bones because the risk of litigations is too big....
...or take kids from a house that isn't up to today's standards - yet still fosters kids out to pseudo parents who are just in it for the money.
Don't get me wrong. I saw a lot of good in the time we opened our home as emergency shelter for CAS ... and I saw a lot of kids who really were beaten. I saw a lot of things, too, that still leave me with doubts.
For the record, I can count the number of times my kids got a slap on the butt - OVER the pants - on my fingers.