There's alot of things in life that aren't fair. Men's 'rights' regarding pregnancy may not be fair, but given how our biology works, it's impossible to fairly place the burden on both partners shoulders. It is the woman who is pregnant, not the man. Period.
Nothing can be done about this, so debating about whether or not it's fair hardly seems realistic. Personally, I think the man should be given the opportunity to participate... fully - even if the couple doesn't stay together. They 'should' be able to have some say in the matter, but IMO, only if it's in a situation where it's a preplanned pregnancy - where both partners are in pre-agreement about bringing a new life into this world. This is a lifetime committment we're talking about here - but unfortunatley, there are men out there who think they can take this committment out for a test drive before they buy in completely. Like it or not, women don't have that option. Once they're in, there's no out.
If one or both parties were irresponsible in the conception of a child, then the reality is that it's going to be the woman's burden. Right from the get go, the man's involvement is pretty well optional. That's where the reality just doesn't come close to how it 'should' be... and every decision made from the point of conception is made based on that fact. Is that how it should be? Hardly, but it is the reality. Men can and do opt out... sometimes right from the get go, sometimes later... but it happens. IMO, it would be foolish of any woman NOT to consider this when deciding whether or not to keep the baby, and whether or not to involve the man in an unplanned sitation. It's a minisucle minority of situations where men are forced to consider that possibility in making the decision to be a parent or not.
Reality cuts both ways. I have two children - a boy and a girl. I've talked to both about responsible decision making when it comes to sex. I've educated them both regarding what could happen vs what should happen. As a man, my son could face the possibility of having a child he gets little or no access to, even if he desperately wants to be an active and involved parent. Or he could wind up paying for the rest of his life for a child he didn't want. Either way, unless he participated in the decision to have that child before it was conceived, he faces lifelong consequences. For my daughter, she faces the possiblity of raising a child alone, or spending a tremendous amount of time and energy waging legal battles to get financial help to raise a child. And for both my children, I advise them that their children WILL hold them accountable for these decisions at some point. And let's not forget that co-creating a life together WILL create a lifelong tie to the other parent... whether they stay together or not. THESE are the realities that have to be thought of when making decisions regarding pregnancy.
"Shoulds" are lovely. They mean next to nothing when dealing with reality. Until men are able to accept the full burden of prenancy and parenting - alone - as women often have to, they 'should' probably try to find a woman who WANTS to co-parent with them before insisting on what 'should' happen. Waiting for an unplanned pregnancy to start arguing about rights and shoulds is just not realistic... and ultimately, it's the child who loses while the parents cluster f*ck their way through what rights they 'should' have. The trail of heartache they leave behind them while they muddle their way through that cannot be measured in words.
We have the right to abstain. We have the right to plan our pregnancies with willing and committed partners. Beyond that, it SHOULD be about the child's right to have two responsible, committed and nurturing parents who are fully involved in their care and upbringing. Ahhh... there I go again.... confusing reality with how it 'should' be....
