I can personally speak for mild PTSD. Certain triggers will spark what I call irrational fear. My rational mind will tell me there is nothing to fear, yet my heart rate, breathing, etc. will react in a fight-or-flight response, an adrenaline rush for no rational reason other than interacting with someone who triggers the memory.
Strangely enough, the memories in my case are neither visual nor auditory but purely emotional, and I've had this experience since as far as I can remember, which might explain the lack of visual or auditory memory. In other words, a memory of an emotional response.
It can be so intense as to make me break things mainly as a way to release the emotional tension. For example, if I happen to have a CD in my hand at the time, I might squeeze it by purposely jamming the edge into my palm, the physical pain helping to distract from my emotional state. Luckily a CD isn't sharp enough to cut before it breaks, or I was lucky it didn't break in such a way as to cut the palm. On one occasion I'd broken a watch strap in my hand not by pulling it apart, but literally by squeezing it beyond its bending point where it connected to the watch. My joints were in pain for a minute or so after that due to the pressure on the palm, but it served to distract from the emotion. Physical pain becomes a welcome distraction from the emotional.
Otherwise my entire body tenses up.
Luckily in my case, only one particular person can spark such an intense episode. In my interactions with most people, it's rare that I have an episode at all, and if I do, I think I can hide it for the most part by forcong a smile and trying to act as normal as possible. It's like an emotional disconnect, feeling the adrenaline rush inside me while pretending to be happy on the outside.
I'll never experience this when alone. Instead, when alone, I might experience a sudden bout of depression, and that's when addictive compulsion sets in. Whatever release I should choose to escape that feeling can quickly hook me like a drug, whether it's alcohol (which I have not used in years), compulsive Web surfing, or any other escape. Whichever is the latest habit is the one I'll turn to each time the depression sets in.
The good news is that I can usually try to direct the habit towards a more contructive habit, but I always have to be particularly conscious of not slipping back into old habits when in the depressive state. The good news is that my depressive states are usually controllable through appropriate distractions. But for me. I find habit, tegularity, predoctability, routine all help to prevent me from feeling the temptation to turn to unhealthy habits which all fall into the category of distraction either by numbing the mind (e.g. alcohol, Web surfing), inflicting physical pain, providing a rational outlet for the adrenaline (rock climbing), or providing another emotional distraction (whether listening to music, read poetry, or seek emotional interaction).
And my therapist described this as mild PTSD possibly combined with mild OCD and mild BPD (though he couldn't confirm the latter since some symptoms of PTSD can sometimes look like OCD and BPD). I'd hate to know what a hard case of PTSD feels like.
