Re: COVIDD-19 'Pandemic'
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: ISIS elf 'n' safety advice - Now please wash  your hand... The absurd fact a bloodthirsty death cult, responsible for  murder, rape and torture, has issued stay-safe guidance to its followers  is beyond hilarious
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Coronavirus symptoms: what are they and should you see a doctor?
                                                                                            
                                                                                            By 
Richard Littlejohn for the Daily Mail 
                                                                                            17 March 2020   
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Today's  edition of You Couldn't Make It Up comes courtesy of Islamic State,  which has advised jihadists to steer clear of Europe in case they catch 
coronavirus.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            
ISIS,  the terrorist outfit I've always called Izal — how appropriate that now  sounds — is telling its disciples to 'stay away from the land of the  epidemic'.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            According to a new set of  'sharia directives' published in the al-Naba newsletter, the virus is a  'torment sent by God on whomsoever He wills'.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Followers are told to 'cover their mouths when yawning or sneezing' and should remember to wash their hands regularly.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Presumably, that's if their hands haven't been chopped off already for an earlier transgression of sharia law.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            
	
	
	
		
		
		
			
		
		
	
	
                                                                                            ISIS's newspaper al-Naba issued the list of 'religious directives' on tackling infectious diseases in the latest issue
                                                                                            
                                                                                            What's  someone like Captain Hook — the former Ayatollah of Finsbury Park,  currently serving a dozen consecutive sentences of 999 years-to-life in a  remote American supermax penitentiary — supposed to do?
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Stop picking his nose and dip his prosthetic claw into a tub of Swarfega every five minutes?
                                                                                            
                                                                                            I'm sorry, I know this pandemic is said to be the most serious threat to public health in our lifetimes, but seriously?
                                                                                            
                                                                                            If  I'd have written a column claiming that suicide bombers had been warned  to avoid Europe to stop them contracting coronavirus before they can  blow themselves up, some of you would have concluded I'd finally taken  all leave of my senses.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Steady on, Rich. You've gone a bit far this time, even by your own dismally low standards.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            But I'm not making up it. This bizarre story appeared on page one of the latest Sunday Times.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            The  absurd notion of a bloodthirsty death cult — responsible for the  murder, rape and torture of hundreds of thousands of innocent people —  issuing elf'n'safety guidance to its followers is beyond hilarious.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Heaven knows, we've little enough to laugh about at the moment. We should enjoy these small absurdities while we can.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            The  Izal H.R. department didn't seem too bothered about 'best practice' and  risk assessment when they were beheading hostages and setting fire to  captives in cages.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            At that stage, they  controlled a caliphate covering 34,000 square miles of Syria and Iraq,  from the Mediterranean coast to an area south of Baghdad.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            
	
	
	
		
		
		
		
	
	
                                                                                            Iran is by far the worst-affected  country in the Middle East due to coronavirus. Pictured: A general view  of Tehran during the crisis
                                                                                            
                                                                                            These days, what's left of Izal is holed up in a cave somewhere, providing valuable target practice for American drone strikes.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            How the mighty are fallen.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            Instead  of waging holy war, they're reduced to worrying about the potential  effect of coronavirus on their dwindling band of wannabe jihadists.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            If  they'd had any imagination, Izal would have claimed responsibility for  the virus. They could have instructed their jihadists to contract it as  soon as possible and become super-spreaders throughout the West. Beats  the hell out of blowing yourself up on a bus. And if the predictions of  mass casualties are to be believed, a lot more effective.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            I've been trying to imagine the committee meeting which drew up the new guidelines.
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'OK,  brothers. We've put out a fresh fatwa on President Trump and sent  fraternal greetings to our comrades in Afghanistan. Is there any other  business?'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'What are we going to do about the coronavirus, sheikh?'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'What can we do? It is a torment sent by God on whomsoever He wills, inshallah.'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'That's  all very well, boss, but we've got a number of cells across Europe  primed and ready to attack the infidels. We don't want our brave  soldiers getting sick before they can strike.'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'You have a point, Mustapha. What does the holy Koran say about the coronavirus?'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'No mention of it, effendi. It is a new disease, said to be more deadly than a dirty bomb.'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'What does the World Health Organisation advise?'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'Cover your mouth when yawning or sneezing and remember to wash your hands regularly.'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'Excellent.  Get that posted on the website immediately. And tell our martyrs they  must wear their balaclavas at all times, especially when travelling on  public transport. We don't want any of them catching this evil infidel  disease. If all else fails, they are to avoid the land of the epidemic  until further notice.'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'Very good, sheikh. Allahu Akbar!'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'And when you've done that, take the Land Cruiser down to Costco in Baghdad. We're getting low on bog rolls and sanitiser.'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'Your wish is my command, effendi.'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'Oh, and Mustapha. . .'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'Yes, effendi?'
                                                                                            
                                                                                            'Don't forget to wash your hand . . .'
                                                                                            
                                                                                        
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/...EJOHN-ISIS-elf-n-safety-advice-wash-hand.html