The Power of Positive Thinking to Reverse Aging!
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Thank you for your gentle reply CB. Some people never take the time to try to get to know someone before they are very willing to jump on them with the following person being even more willing to throw out a few insults. I've seen lots of posts that I've found unusual to say the least from many posters but - usually (not always) I let the post pass and see where the person is going. Sometimes the answer is no where and I just leave them alone period. Many people on here used to really pick on SJP when he first came on here (and brought many others with him). Some have actually began to read what he has to say and to clarify things. He does get a little more sarcastic these days but I find it hard to put a lot of blame on him. He really has been bashed since coming on these forums and while I don't always agree with what he has to say, I don't feel the need to give him a public whipping. He's no coward. He stayed no matter what was said and what continues to be said and more often than not, those choosing to toss out nasty or sarcastic comments now are people that have no need to. If he throws one back I think they have it coming. I only see a very small portion of his posts now because we "travel" in different threads for the most part. Him and I have always had a little bickering back and forth but it's not serious. I count him as an on line friend and will continue to do so. Most of the flack he gets is just childish and stupid so if he can ignore it, I can too - for the most part. I just also know from experience on here that once one person starts many join the fray and it turns into a real battle. I'm just hoping to put out a fire here that I don't believe you intended to start. Can't have that kindling being thrown on. Life here has been good and it would be nice to keep it that way. I'd rather be a little bored than feeling all upset over massive fighting amongst adults.
Hi again VI. I understand exactly where you're coming from, and I certainly appreciate your concerns.
If you'll read some of my posts carefully (yeah, I know...some of them get quite long), you'll likely see a couple of trends...one, I try never to insult the person. I might have a few comments about what they're saying, and if those comments appear to be aggressive, they're usually intended to stimulate discussion.
Second, if I really get excited about something, I tend to ask questions in order to seek answers. In the post "under review here", you'll note the last sentence is a question. That is intended to allow the "other discusser" to respond, which I think works better than an outright condemnation or insult.
I wouldn't worry too much about putting out fires...they're going to occur no matter what you or I do. It seems to be built into the nature of a forum. There are as many different styles of "discussing" as there are members, so one just has to choose where and how they would like to conduct themselves.
I disagree with some of SirJP's views as much as he does with mine, but the reason I participate in discussions with him are: He doesn't insult me directly, and he will respond to my questions. That is important to me, in that it will give me some insight into why he feels they way he does on any given subject. It's all a process of learning things. I strongly believe that one has to keep learning new things every day, as it can keep the brain functioning better and hopefully control or even slow down the aging process. (See, we're on topic here!)
Of course, we all "fall off the track" now and again and resort to emotional outbursts and such, but that is part of being a human, I think.
Your view on fighting is shared by me...a useless activity, at best. But, the beauty of a forum is that you can simply turn it off. Don't even have to look at it.
Thanks again for your post - it's good for all of us to read those things as a reminder to "stay on track" and conduct ourselves in a reasonable manner. Cheers!
I am somewhat surprised (and gratified) to see so much discussion about me when I was not here. I will try to answer as many posts as I can (I see several were addressed to me).
Countryboy, one must make allowances for immigrants. I would never make such remarks to white Canadians (or to second generation immigrants).
However, I think one must show empathy towards first generation immigrants. They have had a huge culture shock, the society where they come from (India, Egypt, Somalia or whatever) is totally different from what they see in Canada. Everything they believed in, everything they stood for in their life was turned topsy turvy after they came here.
Thus in India, it would be highly unusual for a Punjabi or marry a Bengali. Most marriages are arranged marriages and there is no way Punjabi parents are going to arrange their son or daughter to marry a Bengali. So that itself is a huge adjustment to them.
When it comes to a white girl, the adjustment would be even bigger. Culture, language, social customs, everything is basically different. And when it comes to gay marriages, well in places like India, homosexuality has strong taboo against it (I don’t know if it is illegal there, but it may as well be). It would be a big shock, a huge upheaval to Indian parents, to first generation immigrants, if their child turned out to be gay. Gay marriage would positively give them the nightmares.
I have always said that when the immigrants come here, they must obey by the laws of this country. At the same time, we must show empathy towards the immigrants, try to help them overcome the culture shock they experience.
My remarks were in the way of showing empathy towards the woman, and I don’t regret them in the least bit. I suppose that is why I have so many immigrant friends; I know how to empathize with them.
Agree with you about what, VanIsle? My post was sarcastic in nature, I thought everybody would recognize it at once. I am surprised you took it seriously.
I am really surprised at you. Do you really think that I would believe that Televangelists have a group reservation in Heaven?
And I did not think what I was saying? Whatever gave you that idea? I knew very well what I was saying and I don't regret what I said one bit. If somebody doesn't understand sarcasm, doesn't understand ridicule, that is hardly my problem.
I knew she would find it amusing, TenPenny. The very idea that their son or daughter may be gay is so absurd, so far fetched to Indians (at least to first generation immigrants) that I knew she wouldn't take it seriously.
That is the only way to form an opinion about somebody, countryboy, by reading what he has to say.
However, what many people do is that they filter what somebody has to say through their own biases, prejudieces and sometimes put a totally different interpretation n it. When reading what somebody is saying, it is important to know the context, the occasion when it is said, the surrounding circumstances etc.
Here I was talking to a first generation immigrant. I would definitely use different language, different nuances (at least on occasion) when talking to a first generation immigrant, as opposed to talking to a Canadian or a second generation immigrant.
Why exactly do you need to make concessions for baggage they carry over here with them? Seems to me that they are the one's who need to adapt not you.
Thank you for your kind words, VanIsle. You are a true friend (even though we at odds many times, as you have pointed out).
These days? I have always used sarcasm in my posts (even in the Canada.com forum). I think sarcasm is a useful debating tool.
These days the moderators crack down much harder on any personal insults than they used to, and that is all to the good. Indeed, that is why the atmosphere here has become much more civil, more polite of late. As for the rest, well, I have always said that one must have a thick skin to participate in forums like these.
That is the mob psychology. A single person may not lynch somebody, but he will join in with gusto if he sees a mob lynching somebody. It is the same kind of feeding frenzy one sees among piranhas, for instance.
Quite so. Somebody posted a thread a while ago, complaining that the forum has become boring. My reaction was boring? Let us have more of it.
These days? I have always used sarcasm in my posts (even in the Canada.com forum). I think sarcasm is a useful debating tool.
These days the moderators crack down much harder on any personal insults than they used to, and that is all to the good. Indeed, that is why the atmosphere here has become much more civil, more polite of late. As for the rest, well, I have always said that one must have a thick skin to participate in forums like these.
That is the mob psychology. A single person may not lynch somebody, but he will join in with gusto if he sees a mob lynching somebody. It is the same kind of feeding frenzy one sees among piranhas, for instance.
Quite so. Somebody posted a thread a while ago, complaining that the forum has become boring. My reaction was boring? Let us have more of it.
I have always said that they need to adapt to our ways. At the same time, one must show consideration for them. It cannot be easy for them to abandon all they believed in their life and adopt (to them) totally new ways.
While they must obey our laws, we also must show consideration to them, and not judge them with the same standard we would judge Canadians. Thus I know Indians who went to India, got married (arranged marriage) and returned here. I don’t condemn them for it. Same with homosexuality or other social issues. If first generation immigrants don’t feel totally comfortable with gays or homosexuality, I understand (that wouldn’t give a first generation immigrant an excuse to discriminate, however).
Yes, I would go so far as to say everyone does this. It would be a shame if they used someone else's biases, prejudices, or interpretations of what was said. I think it's called "having a mind of your own." You do, don't you? Wouldn't you expect the same of everyone?
I think you are doing them a disservice by not helping them to understand our ways, customs, and even laws. Language is one thing, but making light of other issues (such as racism and gay rights) could be leading them down the garden path, and causing a huge and possibly dangerous misunderstanding of "how things really are" in Canada. There is no substitute for realism if an immigrant is going to adapt to the ways of the country they chose to live in, and become a productive member of society.
You would do them more good by explaining why we have certain laws and customs, rather than making light of them in an effort to make newcomers feel more comfortable. That is, unless you disagree with those laws and customs...that's a different issue.
How do you know that they don't go and pick up the same wheelchair after the show? A lot cheaper than buying a new one. Plus no doubt they were paid a fee by the Great Televangelist for throwing away the wheelchair for the benefit of the television.
That is called empathy, countryboy. There is no need to explain our laws to them, they already know our laws. As to customs, they don’t have to follow our customs, they can form their own customs, sometimes even import the customs from their country, provided the customs don’t break any of our laws (arranged marriage is a good example).
However, first generation immigrants (especially from Indian subcontinent) are used to arranged marriages. Their marriage was arranged by their parents, their friends, relatives, acquaintances etc. everybody’s marriage was arranged by their parents. No doubt they were looking forward to arranging the marriage of their son.
Instead of that, not only their son arranges his own marriage, but he marries a Bengali. In some respect, Bengali culture would be as alien to them as say, Ukrainian culture.
It was time to show some empathy. Again, they have to follow our laws, if they had tried to forbid the banns, I would not have supported them in that. However, once they decided not to oppose the marriage, it was perfectly legitimate to point out to them that the difference in culture, language, food etc., that they were worried about was nothing compared to if he had married a white girl or a man. That is making them more comfortable. I am not supporting them in breaking any laws, I am simply comforting them by pointing out that it could have been worse (as they saw it).