I agree that intent and context are important but your intent might be harmless but doing so might actually do harm. The comment in the OP is a perfect example. He almost means it as a compliment and he's self-deprecating, but the idea that she should be ashamed for losing a fight to a woman, and calling her a girl instead, only demeans women.
so you are saying the comment in the OP bothers you, it does not bother me... as women, it is our right to decide that...to me that is what equal means...personal choice
everyone has a different measure...as a woman it doesn't bother me...but then most things don't and never have
I worked for the LCBO for a number of years back when it was filled with vets and mostly male. I was young and tiny lifting and hauling stuff that would be illegal today and working primarily in a male environment. You learned fast to become one of the boys or quit...it really was that simple. I wanted the money which was over the top for those days.
At first it was uncomfortable learning to set personal boundaries, learning what made me feel uncomfortable and what I was okay with. Once I did I was pretty much set for life and not much bothers me. As a woman, that is my right to set my own boundaries and decide what I am okay with. I would never impose those boundaries on another male or female. Each must find their own. I grew up in a household were women were more than equal. I was taught women could do anything.
I have nothing to prove and nothing to defend. I only have personal standards and my own code. I can not apply that to other women nor can they apply their standards to me. It's about respect more than gender. Some people are respectful of others some are not.
When some disrespect others it may be gender specific...in general though, in my world they are merely disrespectful individuals.
Hope I explained that in a way that can be understood. It's hard to explain a standard that is personal and not really dependent upon the "norm".
I'm very comfortable with that double standard. I mean for the n-word, of course. I'm not so sure this "little lady' paranoia exists.
The word n*gger is often used by blacks and they think it is okey dokey...other blacks do not like it used period. In general I find the word offensive, others have indicated to me that they do too. Out of respect for them and personal choice it is not a word that I would use.
