my other nephew came home from pre-school on the 2nd day and told his mother "you arent allowed to hit me, I have a phone number I can call" ! that was ...cant remember how many yrs ago, been down hill ever since................last year he has just escaped going to jail for 6 months.....wonder if that phone number can help him now.
Senators approve anti-spanking bill
- Thread starter Praxius
- Start date
Many homeschooled kids do very well, others don't. What some people consider normal
social activities with their friends, others don't, can't generalize.
Hitting can cause permanent emotional damage, and isn't acceptable. Smacking is a
replacement word for hitting, so is spanking. There is vast range of violence inbetween
a little smack on the bum, or a open handed smack across the face, or to the back of the head, so one can't generalize, just too much room inbetween.
This discussion for me has exhausted itself, I have repeated my opinion many times, only to hear it come back totally distorted into something else, that to me is amazing, as some read something but decide to spit out another version, so be it.
Enjoy parenting everyone!!!!;-)
The article above from Kreskin is so so accurate and intelligent, everyone should have
it, to refer to. No parent is perfect, but i'm sure we all try our best.
I was the child of a very very disfunctional homelife, my dad was a cronic drunk, and
my mother became very ill, as a result, many physical and emotional trauma, BUT,
neither one EVER hit me. Even in the miserable situation they were in, they would
not do such a thing, and neither would I.
OK, that's enough, we have exchanged back and forth long enough, I'm done.
Have a good day.
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The article refers to a woman who lets he toddler wander around the physician's office without control. What is she teaching her kid? Is it any wonder why they lack control in the future?
I see this in my job. I interview clients and sometimes they have kids with them. The occasional one is crawling around under the desk over and over while mom or dad just yaps at them to "get out of there". The kid shouldn't be under the desk. Period. As soon as the toddler begins to move in that direction they should be physically held back and told no. That way they know what 'no' means. It means 'no', not just a no that's heard like background noise while getting away with things.
I'm sure those parents will need to smack their kids sooner or later because nothing was taught to them in the first place.
I see this in my job. I interview clients and sometimes they have kids with them. The occasional one is crawling around under the desk over and over while mom or dad just yaps at them to "get out of there". The kid shouldn't be under the desk. Period. As soon as the toddler begins to move in that direction they should be physically held back and told no. That way they know what 'no' means. It means 'no', not just a no that's heard like background noise while getting away with things.
I'm sure those parents will need to smack their kids sooner or later because nothing was taught to them in the first place.
You sure have that right Kreskin. You can see those parents over and over every day,
their mouths move, they give orders, many time, the kids ignore them, finally the
parent blows up and smacks the kid, and the kid ends up yelling and bawling.
So common.
Sooner or later, the child will decide to hit his mom or dad & they can then plead self defense when they kick the little rotter's ass.:lol:
Of course you disagree. Well, regardless of your few cases, I can tell you that the outright wildness seen in most kids today is a direct result of their parents not giving them proper discipline. Nothing wrong with a spanking when it is necessary.
It's funny how the word 'dicipline' always seems to be connected with hitting.
The best dicipline has no connection to hitting, but takes much more thinking
much more long term connecting and consistency.
Many horrible kids are kids who have had too much 'given' to them, but not enough
one on one connection, just as bad as those who hit their kids.
Hitting is a first and lazy response, without having to use the brain at all.
WACK, there now, now, where was I, get in your room till you stop that bawling,
can't think with all that noise.
And, sure there are those who do nothing, and expect their kids to grow up perfect,
'whatever', what goes around comes around.
The best dicipline has no connection to hitting, but takes much more thinking
much more long term connecting and consistency.
Many horrible kids are kids who have had too much 'given' to them, but not enough
one on one connection, just as bad as those who hit their kids.
Hitting is a first and lazy response, without having to use the brain at all.
WACK, there now, now, where was I, get in your room till you stop that bawling,
can't think with all that noise.
And, sure there are those who do nothing, and expect their kids to grow up perfect,
'whatever', what goes around comes around.
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I still believe, on the whole, most of kids are good kids; in fact I read in the paper just the other day that it's 10 or 12% of adolescents causing 100% of criminal activities and that 10 or 12% are repeat offenders. I have 1 son and he was rarely spanked, but he did get it a few times over the years - nope, no damage that I can see. His spanking was ALWAYS the last resort as usually other measures worked. But, when they didn't and he didn't take us seriously, he got it and he then knew we were very serious in what we said. After the few times, we never had to spank him again as he got the message. One or 2 wacks on the bum, couple of times - done! All he had to do was look at us and knew we meant business. But that was us and him.
I remember growing up - had 2 brothers different as night and day; the older one easy to "reason with" the younger very stubborn and head strong. Needless to say the headstrong one got his share of spankings - NOT BEATINGS, but wacks on the bum. I swore that he'd grow up to be a criminal he was such a little bugger. Both of my brothers grew up to be fantastic men; wonderful human beings and I'm very proud of them. The younger, headstrong one, surprised the hell out of me
He's a very loving, gentle man. Thinking back, he was never "criminal" material - comparing the stuff he did then to what's happening now is like apples and oranges. He was just a ....little bugger, that's all.
Seems some parents now are too stressed out; too busy trying to make a living and, maybe even too busy trying to pay for all the "material" things they think they and/or their kids "want". They're in debt to the eyeballs and are juggling everything just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. They don't have time for their kids. I think that's why we have so many kids in trouble. Spanking is the easy way out 'cause they don't have time to spend w/their kids. Reasoning and rationalization take time.
And, it has to be TWICE as hard being a single parent, male or female. One has to work so who looks after the kids? When the kids reach 11/12/13, who watches them when school's out?? A Babysitter?? Yeah, like that's gonna happen. What about summer breaks that's over 2 months with them on their own while one works to put food on the table.
I don't know if I could have done a good jub w/out my spouse. I simply can't imagine what it must be like to be a single parent now. Not at all. The single parents who do wonderful jobs raising their kids are Saints as far as I'm concerned. They're very special people because, as I said, i don't think I could do it.
JMO
I remember growing up - had 2 brothers different as night and day; the older one easy to "reason with" the younger very stubborn and head strong. Needless to say the headstrong one got his share of spankings - NOT BEATINGS, but wacks on the bum. I swore that he'd grow up to be a criminal he was such a little bugger. Both of my brothers grew up to be fantastic men; wonderful human beings and I'm very proud of them. The younger, headstrong one, surprised the hell out of me
He's a very loving, gentle man. Thinking back, he was never "criminal" material - comparing the stuff he did then to what's happening now is like apples and oranges. He was just a ....little bugger, that's all.Seems some parents now are too stressed out; too busy trying to make a living and, maybe even too busy trying to pay for all the "material" things they think they and/or their kids "want". They're in debt to the eyeballs and are juggling everything just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. They don't have time for their kids. I think that's why we have so many kids in trouble. Spanking is the easy way out 'cause they don't have time to spend w/their kids. Reasoning and rationalization take time.
And, it has to be TWICE as hard being a single parent, male or female. One has to work so who looks after the kids? When the kids reach 11/12/13, who watches them when school's out?? A Babysitter?? Yeah, like that's gonna happen. What about summer breaks that's over 2 months with them on their own while one works to put food on the table.
I don't know if I could have done a good jub w/out my spouse. I simply can't imagine what it must be like to be a single parent now. Not at all. The single parents who do wonderful jobs raising their kids are Saints as far as I'm concerned. They're very special people because, as I said, i don't think I could do it.
JMO
I agree with your last statement... the odd spanking IS warranted at times. Some kids benefit from it. It can drive home a point mighyt quick. I never hesitated or felt bad one bit to give a quick swat on th butt when my kids did something like ran out in the street, or played where it was unsafe and they'd been told not to.
It's the notion that all other parenting techniques are crap that is bull sanctus. All the rest are as vital as that slap on the butt might be, and just as successful too. Kids aren't cut from a single template, and trying to parent them all the same is ludicrous.
yeah, in a scary situation I would probably do the same, and have, when danger is
involved, quickly, once, and it's over, heart pounding, whew, that was close.:x
That's why I don't agree with this new legislation. Too many good parents will be the ones caught by such zealotry, while the ones who beat their kids into total submission (and still get away with it despite the current legislation to prevent it) will go free as usual, because no one notices or dares to say anything.
I find it odd you think applying punishment is only a problem if its a smack, and that contrary to all physical evidence, a smack is more emotional damaging than anything else you can do.
Is depriving your child of his social network and homeschooling him more damaging emotionally than a smack?
Of course it is, does that mean your kid is going to be defunct and messed up? Of course not. Just means they are more likely too.
Likewise hitting a kid, no matter how much you may try and play it up to be, is not any more emotionally damaging than any other form of punishment you pursue with as much zeal.
While there is a big difference from a light slap to the bum and a monkey wrench to the head as "smacking"
There is an equally big difference between grounding a child for a week and locking them in a basement in isolation for 2 years (which does happen).
To view it "Always wrong" to smack a kid but "never wrong" to use other forms of horrid emotional punishment is just lunacy.
A smack causes no emotional damage, nor does a time out or any other punishment. Scale and malice cause the damage.
If you have some personal phobia of a smack thats fine for you, but I can tell you, as someone who did get smucked, alot, as a smart ass kid. It caused far less emotional (or any kind) of pain to me growing up than half the things you suggest as alternatives, which to me are truly ripe for abuse, especially considering some of the extremes people take them too.
Extreme punishment is the problem, not whether its a smack or a time out.
You suggest physical confinement, if the person who was going to smash their kid into the wall with a "smack" instead used physical confinement, they would probably tie their kid up with rope and leave them in the cellar.
Would that be less damaging to the kid?
Scope and malice, not action is the real problem. And this smoke and mirrors that a spanking is the problem isn't helping anyone.