Feeling disconnected

[dancing-loon]

It's quite a journey with these daughters of mine, and now 7 grandchildren, 5 boys and 2 girls and yes, we are blessed.

Wonderful! I was blessed with a very handsome son as well, kind of as an afterthought! I have five boys and one beautiful girl as my grandkids.

They are all busy with their lives, just as I was some decades ago. The cycles keep repeating. I always had the feeling as if there was a special meaning to being a human, but now they say there is no God, there is no life after this one.... we are just pieces of meat thrown onto a conveyor belt, fulfilling our animalistic duty of multiplying ourselves, so the cycle can keep going. That specialness was an illusion. This earth is just a transitory place, we don't know, if and where we will be shipped to next. This could be our final destination. If we knew a bit more of our fate, our purpose for being, I think we might feel more relaxed, not be so possessive, and enjoy the adventure, because it all doesn't matter... nothing matters really, because all ends sooner or later.

 

[jellyfarm]

Wow! So many responses to this post. I dunno where to start.

Zan, you and I are kindred spirits. I saw your post this morning and I just had to print it out and read it on my way to work and it made me smile coz I would have wanted to yell at those inconsiderate drivers too.

Talloola, your daughter playing flute is a WONDERFUL thing! Tell her to keep doing that but don't stop informing your other daughters. As a person brought up by parents who were aware, even though I can't get along with them now, I am thankful that they planted a seed of conscientiousness in me. Somehow, you will affect them and one day, they may even be thankful you started getting them off the road to being informed.

But then again, it's not about reading the papers or just being informed. It's about being naturally aware. What I see in teens and young people today is tied in with what Johai said (Thank you Johai!) about television and technology desensitizing us in many ways over the last 50 years, emotionally and mentally and now even physically because so many people are becoming obese...why? Because we hardly get up off our asses to switch off the TV, or use our bare hands to do the laundry or even the dishes. That's how technology has made us sewwww apathetic. This apathy has creeped into our lives so subtly, we haven't even been aware that it robs us of drive, motivation, desire and OMG, passion...passion for life! Instead, we're manifesting it through apathy and 'so what?' attitudes.

Here's a funny story, I have to share. When I was living with a roomie in Little Rock, Arkansas, she was stunned that I used to wash my dishes by hand and my sneakers too. She said that wasn't the way Americans did it. I laughed and said, 'Well, we Malaysians wash our dishes by hand because 1. a dishwasher is expensive to buy and install. 2. My god, think of all the water and electricity you waste with that 3. It's simply unhygienic to leave dishes in the sink for a week. '

After living with me for about 2 years and seeing how much we saved on water and electricity, she began to wash dishes too and found it quite enjoyable to wash her sneaks every once in awhile because doing so made her more relaxed.

Monks in Asia report that doing routine chores like scrubbing floors and washing clothes by hand is an exercise in meditation and is int fact very relaxing and I tend to agree. Doing things the old-fashioned hard way, was really healthier for us mentally and physically because it gets us more active and more focused on our day-to-day activities. It even releases tension so that we become more disciplined, more driven instead of being apathetic, which brings me to my next point.

Are you aware we are becoming Borgs? Literally yes and like dancing loon, I have woke up many times wondering, well, I seem to have done it all, met all the people I've wanted to meet and eaten all the good stuff I've needed to eat, travelled to places where I mostly wanted to go, now all my mind is thinking is er....what next? I must've done it all, whether it be in my head or in reality that there really isn't much to look forward. I certainly have those times.

Darkbeaver, nature is also my way of reconnecting to the Spirit of Life. I yelp in delight at the thought of entering rural areas or forests. I feel connected to animals and I really feel relaxed and peaceful when I'm looking at trees and flowers and like you I feel quite sad to have to leave that and return to the city.

Actually, like a lot of you said, there are good people in the world but for me it's not just about comforting myself that there are good people, because that is something I already know, but to go to the next level. If we can take the road to apathy and disconnection, isn't there a way back...a way to snap out of it?

Surely, if there's an entrance, there must be an exit somewhere or are we going to continue giving power away to consumerism, the political and economic powers-that-be who are just as ignorant of the global situation as they are of themselves? Personally, I don't want to give any more energy and power to apathy and I find myself doing that by straying away from the Net as often as I can, from TV and even stopping myself from hanging out with people who are so into themselves, their gadgets, their complexities, their consumerist world and just hanging out with people (the few left) who have drive, motivation, creativity and passion because I realised that I continue like this, I will be more disconnected, more depressed and even more Borg-like.

I just can't continue to 'live' like this. I have to seek the courage somehow to break out of this horrible cycle I've created for myself. :-?

I would love to hear some suggestions or experiences from people who've broken out of this apathy.

 

[MikeyDB]

Rail against the darkness.

I will not go softly into that dark

I will not curse the vision of these eyes that bare my soul to a babies wrinkled mirth

That gift me with a silent rainbow’s joy in the mists of the steaming cauldron of water’s raging fall

Nor rue the playful simile of gentle waves that play across vast fields of golden wheat they’ve borrowed from the oceans grey-green anonymity.

The vision of laughing dancing cherubs in fires’ crackling hunger

Secret promises camouflaged in morning’s crimsom smile.

And pristine virginity of a moon-lit winter’s blanket.

I will not close my ears to the loon’s mournful song

Nor regret the welling in my soul as tiny scribbles transformed through symphony pluck the heart-strings of my being.

A canaries fluttering cadence realizing resonance within my spirit given me like lemon drops of smiles that shine through the cacophony of the trivial.

The great booming voice of thunder’s pronouncement of rebirth and the near silent wihispers of trees ancient memories.

Silly songs and laughter rising through a summers heat borne on the wings of childhood’s happiness.

And long echoing crystaline notes like tears that hang on the air as pearls from the flautists fingers.

I will not go silently into the abyss

I do not have to imagine a better place, a finer table

A sweeter nectar than life itself.


Just a few thoughts from the “bitter old man”….

 

[MikeyDB]

Our focus on how we "are" as human beings is intentionally and perhaps even organically/genetically biased in the direction of looking at what's wrong before we look at what's "right".

Our survival as organisms relies on fear. We learn to fear both legitimate fears of what might be around us that could bring us to harm or injury and bogus phoney-fears predicated on prejudices that serve particular interest. Fear is something that has to be managed. A pilot or a ship's captain is responsible for everyone aboard...I'd far rather have that individual be aware of any looming difficulties or equipment failures or threatening weather conditions, but I also want him to be able to "shut that part of himself off" that magnifies fear and anxiety into unmanageable monsters that cripple decision making and frustrate response. Happily the long history of commercial air-travel and ocean travel is a testament to the facility we have to see both the terrible possibilities and put that fear and emotionalism aside to engage the problems and issues with clarity of thought and skilled judgment.

 

[darkbeaver]

Rail against the darkness.

I will not go softly into that dark

I will not curse the vision of these eyes that bare my soul to a babies wrinkled mirth

That gift me with a silent rainbow’s joy in the mists of the steaming cauldron of water’s raging fall

Nor rue the playful simile of gentle waves that play across vast fields of golden wheat they’ve borrowed from the oceans grey-green anonymity.

The vision of laughing dancing cherubs in fires’ crackling hunger

Secret promises camouflaged in morning’s crimsom smile.

And pristine virginity of a moon-lit winter’s blanket.

I will not close my ears to the loon’s mournful song

Nor regret the welling in my soul as tiny scribbles transformed through symphony pluck the heart-strings of my being.

A canaries fluttering cadence realizing resonance within my spirit given me like lemon drops of smiles that shine through the cacophony of the trivial.

The great booming voice of thunder’s pronouncement of rebirth and the near silent wihispers of trees ancient memories.

Silly songs and laughter rising through a summers heat borne on the wings of childhood’s happiness.

And long echoing crystaline notes like tears that hang on the air as pearls from the flautists fingers.

I will not go silently into the abyss

I do not have to imagine a better place, a finer table

A sweeter nectar than life itself.


Just a few thoughts from the “bitter old man”….

Closet sweeties always pull the "bitter old man" act, we're on to you MickyDB. If someone licked you would it be like lemons or a big old piece of chocky fudge?:lol:

 

[MikeyDB]

Hey Beve!

A collegue often referred to me as a "Nickel plated marshmallow"....

I'm a philosopher and a warrior a poet and a saint.....

 

[darkbeaver]

"nickle plated marshmallow" :lol:

 

[talloola]

What exactly is apathy!
I watched Wolf Blitzer this morning interviewing several different people, 'in pairs', one
an obama 'expert' and of course the other a clinten 'expert', by the time it was over I had
a big knot in my chest, as the frustration I felt watching/listening to the both of them,all of them, over a one hour period,
finally pushed me to 'change the channel'. Now, none of my daughters would have watched that program, they would have been doing something which touches them in
an entirely different way, eg. listening to music while having breaky, spending time with
children on a sunday morning, out jogging then off to a soccer game, composing a bit of
music for upcoming performance, gathering wood up on the mountain, and none of them
would give one single thought to what either of the above candidates thought at all.
Is that apathy, or are they a lot smarter than I, and know how to spend their time in a more comfortable way.
I am in 'reverse', I don't want to know and be so interested in what is going on in the world any longer, I am going to work very hard to deprogram myself, and get back to
basics, the rest of the world will do what it does whether I pay attention or not, so I
will leave it up to those who cannot stay out of it, and I will 'get' out of it.
I have always been tuned in to all the political stuff all round the world, from a very young
girl, something my daughters have not inherited from me.
Nothing much has changed
in the basic way that countries exchange thoughts with one another, I remember world
war two, watching my brother go off to war, then come home, (thankfully), and although
we are better off technically , it's the same ole same ole, as far as the powerful
wanting to be more powerful, and the religious pushing their agenda, and the racists pushing their hate, so, I'm getting off the bus, this is my stop, I'm going to shrink my
borders of thought, I don't need to get a knot in my chest over a couple of people who
are rich, powerful, driven, and tell all of us what they know we want to hear, so that they
can sit in the oval office.
So, if that is apathy, bring it on.

 

[MikeyDB]

Taloolla

"Apathy" is that phenomenon that politicians and political pundits point to when voter turnout is low. Apathy is part of the arsenel of postmodernities political agenda that numbs the minds of people by saturating the TV airwaves and print media with useless and never-ending speculation and nonsense about the color of a candidates socks or their bowling scores or their employment history or their...get the point? Apathy is something the modern politician invites and energetically encourages the captive media of a "free" nation to cultivate through somnambulism of "I know the "truth" talking-head bullshoot artists who are paid ten times the salary of the person who hands them their coffee through the drive-through-window. Apathy is the condition most sought-after by those convinced of their superior view on what's good for everyone in the world and the horse's teats that claim to produce and provide "entertainment" on television are the lackeys paid to turn everyone off from the process that the assumptions are made early about who can or can't "win".

The fact is that the voter and the "believer" in the electoral systems in Canada and America haven't been the winners for decades...and apathy is that component of this realization that compels people to watch hockey or Gilligan's Island instead of contributing to the myth of "democracy" by registering their votes.

 

[talloola]

Taloolla

"Apathy" is that phenomenon that politicians and political pundits point to when voter turnout is low. Apathy is part of the arsenel of postmodernities political agenda that numbs the minds of people by saturating the TV airwaves and print media with useless and never-ending speculation and nonsense about the color of a candidates socks or their bowling scores or their employment history or their...get the point? Apathy is something the modern politician invites and energetically encourages the captive media of a "free" nation to cultivate through somnambulism of "I know the "truth" talking-head bullshoot artists who are paid ten times the salary of the person who hands them their coffee through the drive-through-window. Apathy is the condition most sought-after by those convinced of their superior view on what's good for everyone in the world and the horse's teats that claim to produce and provide "entertainment" on television are the lackeys paid to turn everyone off from the process that the assumptions are made early about who can or can't "win".

The fact is that the voter and the "believer" in the electoral systems in Canada and America haven't been the winners for decades...and apathy is that component of this realization that compels people to watch hockey or Gilligan's Island instead of contributing to the myth of "democracy" by registering their votes.

Thank you, so well said, and true, so lets ignore them and talk about something else,
they don't deserve our time or energy.

 

[hermanntrude]

Is it just me or is anyone else feeling disconnected lately?

I have been feeling disconnection for a number of years even though I'm being more spiritually aware but as the years grow on me, it's hard to feel excited about a lot of things.

I'm feeling computerized, all logged into cyberspace and making connections online but feeling at the end of the day, all this is leading me nowhere.

I go out with friends and at times, there's a nice laugh or two and then the rest of the time, I feel dull. Muted, almost.

BORED with the Net, Bored with friends offline, bored with my filmaking, bored with my scriptwriting, my job, my country, my photography...just at one Bored Central Station and feeling disconnected.

I wonder if it's because I'm too drawn into my cyberspace world and being logged in all the time through work, play.

Even my attention span is short. I do nothing but work, work, work, sleep, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep.

Drive car, work, sleep, computer, work, sleep, bleah....like who cares?:-|

I've been in that kind of situation before, my friend. The only cure is to step outside the fields in which you are an expert and do something new and refreshing. Go somewhere you've never been before, take up a new hobby, change your career or take on a challenge. And yes, it will probably require that you take some time away from the internet.

 

[Praxius]

Is it just me or is anyone else feeling disconnected lately?

I have been feeling disconnection for a number of years even though I'm being more spiritually aware but as the years grow on me, it's hard to feel excited about a lot of things.

I'm feeling computerized, all logged into cyberspace and making connections online but feeling at the end of the day, all this is leading me nowhere.

I go out with friends and at times, there's a nice laugh or two and then the rest of the time, I feel dull. Muted, almost.

BORED with the Net, Bored with friends offline, bored with my filmaking, bored with my scriptwriting, my job, my country, my photography...just at one Bored Central Station and feeling disconnected.

I wonder if it's because I'm too drawn into my cyberspace world and being logged in all the time through work, play.

Even my attention span is short. I do nothing but work, work, work, sleep, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep.

Drive car, work, sleep, computer, work, sleep, bleah....like who cares?:-|

I think a lot of people, infact probably 90% of the civilized population in the world feel like this.

The problem is most will just tell you to suck it up, that's life and this is what you're supposed to do. That what you are currently feeling is a "Mental Illness" and then they load you up with Anti-Depressants to make you no longer think about the problems and so that you can continue working your rat race-way of life.... that's what life is supposed to be like...... who the hell says so?!

Why the hell do I or anybody else need to go through school, college, all for work.... work day in and day out on a redundant job, to help contribute to a society which was already pre-designed and pre-determined before you or I were born?

The reason why you feel this empty sensation is because you are like many other people.... doing ant work, to work for someone else's overall goals..... "To Contribute to Society" if you're ever so lucky in between now and when you die, you just might get a few things done for yourself.... but for the most part your desires and goals are secondary, due to living costs, bills, taxes, and the job you need in order to pay for all that.

Your parents had to do all this, their parents had to do all this and so on and so forth...... So where do we get off complaining about the way things are?

We get off complaining about this because we're the ones taking over the world and the BS screwups of the past.... the environment.... debts.... wars.... all of it.

Apparently our way of life isn't perfect, it isn't working as well as it could be and if we continue living the way everybody else has been for the last few decades or centuries, then we are only going to create more of the same problems for our children and their own children to follow..... all because we're just willing to suck up the way life is as being the norm....

You know it isn't the normal, I know it isn't normal, and many many other people around the world know this..... if they don't know it, then they feel it just as you do. Something is missing, something isn't right..... you're not feeling fulfilled with your life.... you're not where you want to be right now.... things are taking much longer then expected, or just not getting anywhere period.

So then what? We know there's a problem, then what is the solution to this problem?

Here's Mine:

New Direct Democracy - Government Revamp Theory:
http://forums.canadiancontent.net/c...3-new-direct-democracy-government-revamp.html

 

[MikeyDB]

Praxius

I understand that it's easier to point a finger at government or "big-business" or something else when it comes to identifying the underlying angst lonliness and separation that as you say most people feel.

We've put our "faith" in structures of government and social institiutions that...as long as everything rolls along fairly smoothly....let's us get on with our lives.

This "rolling along smoothly" is the underlying critical factor in realizing where the calamity actually arises. It's us Prax!

We've become so comfortable with abbrogating our responsibilities for everything from baldness to annorexia and hair-loss to out of control children and rampant corruption and deceit in those very social institutions we've come to rely on. If you draw a line between the thread that Karrie's started in discussing steps to be taken in the event of social colapse...food shortages...power outages....etc. you'd see that it is our way of thinking about what we accept as "normal" is at the root of a great deal of the situation we're all trying to deal with.

I don't think in a linear fashion, and that experesses as sometimes (perhaps often) confusing for other folk here at CC. When we discuss the loss of security through mismanaged government, I've raged against the apathy that's apparent in holding government responsible....while we discuss racism and prejudice, these ideas are what alienate and build walls around each other and allowing the perversity of a particular religious dogma to go unaccountable before the law is a glaring example of how our ideas about prejudice and racism are reinforced through our social institutions. Whe I think about global warming and so many other things, those conditions and situations aren't the creation of some discrete body or person, they're the product of millions of people's willingness to let someone else do their thinking! When we let governments roll out the line that we need gun-control because we have violence on our streets...that's a half-measure hiding a lie. What we need is social institutions to respond to the needs of the poor the disabled the weak the unemployed the uneducated the needy in our society instead of providing the sociopath with victims for their psychopathy. Defeating substance abuse is achieveable if we didn't spend out time money and energy on frivolous silly things that ultimately change nothing! Poverty is addressable but like the dynamic of criminality and prejudice, these structures within our social organizing principles exist because we allow them to exist! We choose to ignore when governments hand money out to the wealthy to protect their interests while the homeless and the poor are left with nothing. When you gather a mob of the homeless the poor the infirm the uneducated the unemployed the recipe for disaster is right there. No single legislation or single law or single action by any one person or any one "group" can remedy the situation and yet we embrace this nonsense provided by short-sighted self-absorbed disingenuous nabobs of industry that "guns" are the problem so we all should be prepared to give up our freedoms in the name of the "greater good"....when in fact it is the successive failures of government and social institutions for decades and generations that has yoked us with the poverty the substance abuse the criminality etc...that's given these arseholes their platform.

It's we who've acceptted that the painter and the plumber and the electrician and the garbage man do work unworthy of the respect we ladle onto computer geeks and lawyers and proffessionals we're only beginning to recognize as grifters and con-artists.

It's US Prax!

 

[jellyfarm]

You know Praxius may have a point and I do agree that our obsession with the rat race and a predetermined mode of living has caused us much stress and depression that has led us to rely too much on anti-depressants to help you 'cope' with the daily rigours of modern life.

There is also much to be said about governments having a hand in this disconnectedness. They work you so hard so that you fall into this thing called 'the middle class' such that you have enough, but not really, but enough to get you comfortable enough so you stop really consciously thinking about if what the government is doing in society is really beneficial to the people in the long-term.

But again, that may only be a theory I whipped out from my jelly-arse. Many will probably disagree.

But as Mikey DB says, we must claim self-responsibility for our aches and pains. The 'government' didn't create them. I LET THEM.

That's the point I'm trying to make. That's my reasoning for apathy.

I'm disconnected because I ALLOWED myself to be and I see this happening to so many others who are giving away their power. By giving away that power, by allowing ourselves to be billed, taxed unfairly by our governments is really our fault because we can actually vote lousy politicians off the face off the earth, you know. Malaysia just did that, thank god.

For years since 1955 when the country gained independence from the Brits, Malays have claimed rights over the minority Chinese and Indians and for years Chinese and Indians were marginalised from getting perks economically and socially till 2008 when the new Indians, Chinese and even the Malays voted for 82 candidates in the opposition denying the ruling party, which was rife with corruption and bureaucracy for decades, their 2/3 majority in parliament. Hurrah! Times are-a-changing because why?

Malaysians were fed up. We claimed back our power.

In this way, I truly feel people can claim their power and hence their sanity, their joy and their well-being.

We don't need to follow the herd. Only cows do that. We're human beings. We should be 'being' more than that.

Once again, I reiterate....why am I disconnected? Because I'm sad to see all of us allowing ourselves to stop thinking for ourselves, to stop feeling our real feelings, to stop our natural out pouring of love for our fellowman and I don't just mean 'intimate, relationship love' - it's something more than that. That's why I'm disconnected. I don't see enough of that love around me.

Even when I do see it, it feels very 'privileged'. 'My family, my husband, my kids...' Yeah, really not an open, unconditional love that I see in animals..haha!

I wonder if we are all robots at the end of the day. It feels cold these days....

 

[Praxius]

Mikey:

I'm fully aware that it is us that is also responsible for these same problems.... it is us who is playing this game set out by the rules pre-determined and pre-designed before we were born.

All I'm saying is to change the rules in which we play the game. Our current laws, rules, government, method of living our lives isn't just US ..... it is us in accepting the laws and rules in how we're supposed to live set out by others before us.

When we all change the way things are run and it all fails miserably in our faces, then I'll accept Us as being the problem..... if we just sit around and do nothing and suck it up and living the way we currently are, not bringing any new change or improvements to the way in which we currently live, then it is still Us that is the problem and contributing to it.

I'm not trying to blame the people in the government, I'm not trying to blame our bosses that we report to everyday..... I'm blaming the system we all live by that makes us who we currently are.... that makes us do and not do the things we want and don't want.

We as humans and we, based on how our minds work.... should be the one's deciding what we can and can not do in our lives..... not pre-set limitations by others such as described in my supplied link above and what I already have mentioned.

They say you can not escape two things in life.... Death and Taxes.

Death? True for the most part.... Taxes? That is a man-made creation, created for greed and redistribution of your own wealth for basically existing, or buying your everyday needs, or living where you were born and raised, or starting a family in your new home, once again.... just for existing.

JFK said it the worst..... "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." ~ Well sorry Johnny, but that's the damn point of being in a country.... the people in power are there to do what we need... that's why we elected them in there in the first place. They are there to do what we ask them to do..... yet now it's all backwards and now we're bending over backwards for the country and what those in power need and/or want.

It is indeed Us responsible for this way of life. It is Us in power, in politics, playing by the same pre-determined rules and laws.... the same loopholes, expectations and demands given in certain positions that we have grown acustomed to being exploited and being the Norm.

Is it all perfect? Nope.... nothing is perfect..... but if we all see a problem, isn't it logical to actually try and improve it here and there, rather then just shrugging our sholdiers and going "meh.... that's life" and then just allowing it to keep going on and getting worse?

We are part of the problem, because we keep allowing ourselves to play the game with the same flawed set of rules set out by someone long dead and their own agendas.

This is our life and this is our time... it should be run as we see it should be, not just because it's the norm or the way things always have been.

Evolve.....

 

[MikeyDB]

Absolutely right Praxius and how do we change that?

I've offered a scheme for re-designing and eliminating the love-affair with the automobile that's been cultivated by big business and supported by big governement. Here and there throughout these threads I've said "Stop playing the game"...and although no one has seemed interested enough to question what I mean by that statement, a great deal of what I mean by that statement is exactly what you've outlined in your last contribution.

We may not be able to change things without something more than passive resistance, but even a passive resistance is preferable to blindly accepting the status quo! For instance Karrie talked about the amount of homework that her children were receiving...and I think you felt as I if it is possible, homeschool your kids and take them out of the grinding-mill of public education that panders to the corporate stooges and perpetuates the myth of employment career and long-term prosperity...when these are as vacuous as policies and agreements endorsed by governments who lie to us and to themselves! There are many other ways of not playing the game, but like anything worthwhile in life there's a cost involved. And it seems obvious to me that we don't have the quality of people today who have that willingness to invest in something other than their own comfort their own cathedrals of denial.

Any change has to take place at the grass-roots level of how we conceptualize our society and our existence as elements within the larger mosaic of life and the world. We will either take the bull by the horns or we will whimper and die, unhappy and alone.

 

[Praxius]

......Once again, I reiterate....why am I disconnected? Because I'm sad to see all of us allowing ourselves to stop thinking for ourselves, to stop feeling our real feelings, to stop our natural out pouring of love for our fellowman and I don't just mean 'intimate, relationship love' - it's something more than that. That's why I'm disconnected. I don't see enough of that love around me.

Even when I do see it, it feels very 'privileged'. 'My family, my husband, my kids...' Yeah, really not an open, unconditional love that I see in animals..haha!

I wonder if we are all robots at the end of the day. It feels cold these days....

Seems like you're speaking about how we connect with our own emotions. you say I love you, and you do care about the best interests of your family and friends, but it doesn't have any feeling to it..... it's all logical and not emotional as we are told throughout our lives. AKA: You need to show/epress love to your kids and your husband to logically make them feel good as well.... that children need that sort of attention to be better equiped to deal with their own problems later on in life.... that both your husband and yourself love each other, or at the very least, stay with one another for a functioning family household. You don't have any major issues with your husband or children, as it is a family, and this is what families are like.

You perhaps wonder where that spark has gone that once was there at the begining when you both met..... it's no longer the same as it once was and you wonder that perhaps maybe things did change over the years..... does this mean that the original reasons and desires in the relationship are no longer valid or exist?

They are still there.... one thing I remember my mother telling me a few years back was that every relationship eventually will lose it's novelty that was once in the begining of the relationship. You eventually have talked about everything, done just about everything, simply, you both have grown acustomed to each other..... and having kids not only adds to this acustom sensation, it also reduces the free time both of you get for each other to help reduce this acustomed sensation and thus, makes it feel like there's more wrong then there actually is.

Another problem is when you have a child, seeing yourself in their eyes and their expressions/movements can easily take away some of that attention towards your partner. You both have helped bring these children into your lives and into this world, and both you and your husband might have had a light switch flick on the very moment you seen your new child/children...... you not only see yourself in these kids but also your partner, and thus, you devide some of your normal attention from your partner to your children, and that too can explain a bit more distancing occuring in the relationship.... it's not intentional, it's just instinctive and natural over time..... and eventually will turn a relationship and family into more of a routine of sustainability.... or feel like it has.

You then begin to think "Well if this is how it's going to be, what sort of life will my children have coming their way when they have to get a job and they start their families? Will they just be exactly where I am today or will they have it better? Will they have more time to do what is needed for the family?

Restrictions and limitations in society and our way of life has a good chunk to do with this, but until we can solve this problem, what is needed is to take two steps back and just look at your husband and your children, clear your mind of all the bad things that has happened or the good things that never did....... and just reflect back on the things you all have achieved over the years..... the things that you all can say that you did on your own or as a family...... your husband may no longer be the same person you knew when you first met, and chances are you're different too..... but you have seen over the years how we each change and evolve, how we have dealt with our own trials and difficulties and what changes those have made.

Things may have changed for better or for worse, but you will see when you look back that they are all still the same people who have always grown to love and know and that the reasons why you are with your husband and your children are all still there.... it's just that the everyday beat-down routine of life has pushed it all to the back of your mind and you started to keep the steps you have always done everyday, you just eventually lost the emotional connection to it all.

Then the questioning comes about what was it all for and then you get to this spot perhaps and wonder where the emotional aspect of life has disapeared to. It was there in your younger years, you had plenty of imagination, you knew where you stood on just about anything you could understand at the time...... and now it's all like a fog in the distance and no longer the sunny summer's evening memories you used to always have.

The more knowlege you fill your head with, the more isolated and depressed one can become, because they have to shut down one old imaginational thing you used to use all the time in the past, which now conflicts with what you have just learned......

Imagination and emotions are traded for facts and logic, and we need to learn how to balance the two.

 

[mt_pockets1000]

Interesting read Prax. Coming from a young man like yourself it's good to see you are aware of the stages of life. Too many young people think they are going to live forever.

My wife and I have been married for 30 years now. We met as teenagers, raised three kids and are now entering the later stages of our working life. Yes, we went through the early romantic, head-over-heels in love stage. Then the kids came along and our time for each other dropped off dramatically, although we did force ourselves to take time out for each other once in awhile. Now that the kids are older and fending for themselves, our lives together is better than it's ever been. We are more mature, have more respect for each other and genuinely enjoy each others company. I couldn't imagine living life without her and I make sure to tell her that on a regular basis. Communication is a wonderful thing.

As far as disconnecting from those around us, I blame technology for that. Walk down the street or ride the bus and what do you see. Many people with headphones strapped to their head, blocking out the natural sounds of the world around them, immersing deeper into their self-absorbed world. Little kids rushing home from school to quickly turn on the xbox or chat on MSN or glued to the TV. Adults squeezed into 6'x6' cubicles staring at their computer monitors all day pumping out data, bombarded with email, voice mail, faxes. Lack of exercise turning us all into blobs of human jelly, all the while being blasted with radiation from computer monitors. Perhaps we do need a huge dose of reality and the impending food and energy crisis might be the wake up call we need to rebalance our way of thinking.

 

[dancing-loon]

This is a really terrific adult conversation!! I've enjoyed reading your deep thoughts on what is wrong with the world and us.

Ideas first develop within our minds and hearts; we think them through, modify and/or expand them; then we share them with intimate friends and get their input, enthusiasm and support, or their rejection and discouragement. That would be our first testing and consequently a reevaluation. If we are still convinced we have a solution or at least a good improvement for advancing the common good of our society, then we form a small group and eventually find more support; then we could form a party or an association for the betterment of life around us in our own country. Then, naturally, we will attract opposition, mainly from groups that would be adversely affected by our new proposals. Then we have to defend our ideas and deal with nasty backstabbing and all kinds of other negative slander. We have to have equally skilled people in our group who are politically savvy and know how to steer our ship through the turbulent waters of no-good-doers. If we can convince the masses of the working class to support us from behind, we can then actually enter into the decision-making bodies of government. We could, if we were a majority party, start implementing our ideas. BUT we would be under constant bombardment and outright hostility from people who would be required to relinquish some of their money power!
There has been and there is at least still one country trying to do just that.... Venezuela.

With reference to JFK's mantra, " "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." I would like to point out to the slogan, One for All, and All for One! In its true sense that is a guiding light for any group, any country. One person alone can not achieve to change the world, not even Christ up to now. But if many gather together for a common goal and steadfastly go about creating a change, it could work.

Humans are peculiar beings with fickle minds, weak knees, egotistical desires at the expense of others, unbridled enthusiasm up to destructive fanaticism, and resignation.

Praxi, you are young and full of fire still, get something going!! Show us your strength and conviction to bring about change. I am willing to join a grass-roots movement. Let's start by talking and discussing your and our ideas like we have started here, only advancing to a more detailed discussion.

 

[Praxius]

Absolutely right Praxius and how do we change that?

I've offered a scheme for re-designing and eliminating the love-affair with the automobile that's been cultivated by big business and supported by big governement. Here and there throughout these threads I've said "Stop playing the game"...and although no one has seemed interested enough to question what I mean by that statement, a great deal of what I mean by that statement is exactly what you've outlined in your last contribution.

Yeah I think I seen the Play the Game thing kicking around here and there.

We may not be able to change things without something more than passive resistance, but even a passive resistance is preferable to blindly accepting the status quo! For instance Karrie talked about the amount of homework that her children were receiving...and I think you felt as I if it is possible, homeschool your kids and take them out of the grinding-mill of public education that panders to the corporate stooges and perpetuates the myth of employment career and long-term prosperity...

Well I don't think I was for homeschooling, as there are still some benifits to public schooling, but my position was that the public schools need to be changed as well, and that homework itself should be removed from their everyday lives for many reasons explained in that thread.

I have nothing wrong with homeschooling, but how are the social benifits from homeschooling (ie: interacting and learning to deal with people you may not be able to avoid in the future or like period and would rather just leave alone.)

Then again, although I hated my entire time in school and found it an overall waste of time, should I put my kids in homeschooling or another alternative then what I went through? If I did, would they encounter and understand the same experiences in which I did? Will they grow to appreciate and learn the same lessons I have? Would they in turn hate the homeschooling/private schooling I put them in and wonder why I never let them go through the same difficulties in which I did to get me where I am today?

when these are as vacuous as policies and agreements endorsed by governments who lie to us and to themselves! There are many other ways of not playing the game, but like anything worthwhile in life there's a cost involved. And it seems obvious to me that we don't have the quality of people today who have that willingness to invest in something other than their own comfort their own cathedrals of denial.

Well as you see in myself, and in a few others above, and like I have seen in many other places over the years, there are plenty who do see a problem and might actually be willing to take action in the face of sacrafice.... but we're all waiting to see and know there are others like us, and to see if there is a logical solution or plan of action to be taken that can also produce some actual results.

But at the same time I imagine we're not the type of people who are willing to just do what one person dictates us to do in order to make change.... we're conditioned to approach things equally and "democratically" for the most part (Which is why I created that thread on NDD so that others who are interesting in some form of change have some foundation of change to go by, change and correct to what the majority believes to be the right approach..... after'which, action can then be taken.)

Any change has to take place at the grass-roots level of how we conceptualize our society and our existence as elements within the larger mosaic of life and the world. We will either take the bull by the horns or we will whimper and die, unhappy and alone.

Hince my link towards my theory of how to approach this method of grass-roots reconstruction of our society. We can either A) adapt our current way of life into a gradual transition into something better through time, B) attempt to make drastic change through radical and unplanned frustrations such as a revolution with no end, getting people to follow the cause by fueling their own frustrations.... which will in the end only give us anarchy and either an out of control society or an even more oppressed one or C) do nothing and keep watching our lives and societies rot away until one final big war kills the majority of us all off the planet and the survivors over time forget the lessons needed to be learned to prevent history repeating and we're right back to square one anyways..... all because of power, corruption and greed in those who are supposed to do as we voted them in to do..... what we need.