Strobel
2013 a year to fear, psychics predict
First posted: Wednesday, December 26, 2012 08:13 PM EST | Updated: Wednesday, December 26, 2012 08:32 PM EST
Psychics, from left, Nikki, Anthony Carr and Tara Greene.
TORONTO - “I see you and a tall, slim blonde,” says my sax-playing psychic friend, Anthony Carr. “In a wedding dress.”
Why the hell would I wear a wedding dress, Tony?
“Not you, you idiot. The blonde. And I see a big diamond ring.”
No, no, NO! Not … Groomsday?!
“It’s what I see,” says Carr, the World’s Most Documented Psychic. “I don’t know if you’re getting married. Maybe you’re just at the wedding.”
We’re at Divine Gelato, in the Beach, celebrating after the Mayan “prophecy” went pfffft.
Actually, Carr predicted it. “No Doomsday,” he told me weeks ago. “And if I’m wrong, sue me.”
But Doomsday is so yesterday. Time to move on, to the perils of lucky 2013.
As always, I consult my Psychic Big Three: Carr, whose Predictions and Prophecies for 2013 and Beyond is hot off the press; Psychi Nikki, who appears Fridays with Dean Blundell on 102.1 The Edge; and the legendary Tara “Tarot” Greene (
Tara Greene, Tarot Reader, Astrologer, Psychic Consultant).
They rarely miss. All three nailed Doomsday, for instance, though, frankly, you may feel nostalgic for nice, neat Armageddon by the time 2013 is done.
Nikki?
“I see Seattle in ruins after an earthquake. I see a huge earthquake in the Caribbean. Major earthquake in Russia. Gigantic earthquakes hit St. Louis, Chicago and Tennessee. Earthquake in the Middle East. Earthquake in Egypt destroys parts of the pyramids …”
I sense a theme, Nikki.
“A snow superstorm will hit New York, Boston and Toronto with 25 feet of snow.”
Twenty-five feet? Get the army ready. Meanwhile, says Nikki, in Europe …
“Experimental monkeys will escape from an experimental lab and cause a pandemic.”
With a stop at Ikea to shop. I have a hunch 2013 is the Year of Animals. Sure enough, Nikki says, “I see turtles getting loose on an airplane, disrupting the flight.”
I see a movie. Snappers On A Plane!
“You been a bit depressed lately?” asks Carr at Divine, after reading my cards.
Only since you three gave me your predictions, I reply.
Greene weighs in: “I’ve scanned for months asking what 2013 is about,” she says, “and all I’ve seen is muddy scenes of disasters, soldiers with guns, civil unrest worldwide, mudslides, volcanic explosions, tsunamis, floods, earthquakes, UFO activity and strange magnetic energies.”
Thanks, Tara. Pass the Prozac.
She sees the small asteroid DA14 nearing Earth on Feb. 5. NASA may have to “shoot” it to avoid damage to satellites, she says.
I predict a very breezy day. Then kiss that asteroid goodbye.
I’m worried because both Nikki and Tara see the Koreas at war. Those nutters in the North scare the hell out of me.
Some good news from Ms Greene: Cures for MS and other diseases. The Blue Jays have a great year. Brad and Angelina finally get hitched, Wills and Kate have a boy, or twins.
And Tara sees a return to the 1960s, with folks “dropping out” and consuming copious amounts of recreational drugs.
Groovy. Maybe we won’t even notice when Yellowstone blows up.
That old hippy, Jack Nicholson, is in for a rough year. Nikki sees him in hospital, Tara sees him in surgery.
I see him keeling over at a Lakers game.
Cheer us up, Mr. Carr?
“I see a major health issue for Sylvester Stallone.”
So a rocky 2013 for Sly. What of the world?
“Golden nations of cafe au lait peoples shall reign supreme.”
Already happened. There’s a Starbucks on every corner.
Carr adds: “Beware! France is not to be trusted.”
Well, their coffee sure sucks.
“When the Eiffel Tower topples — ye God! — what violence there will be. ”
Speaking of toppling towers …
“Physical sex will become obsolete.”
You read me like a book, Tony. The future is now, sadly.
“I see machines designed to stimulate the pleasure parts of the brain, so lazy sex will be the norm.”
But not for Hugh Hefner. Not any more. Carr sees him choking on his own dentures.
On the other hand, expect the world’s first brain transplant, between monkeys.
So it could be a great year at City Hall.
Mike Strobel’s column runs Wednesday to Friday, and Sunday. mike.strobel@sunmedia.ca, 416-947-2265 or
http://twitter.com/strobelsun.
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