My grandparents faced the same dilemna. It can be brutal for a family. My aunt was held in by the nurses during birth, because the doctor hadn't arrived yet. Grandma blacked out from the pain, but as far as she can recall, the nurses forcibly held the baby from being born for almost 20 minutes, until the doctor showed up. Then, they let go, and aunty was born all at once, which can cause brain damage in and of itself. A tiny settlement was paid, roughly $2000, and grandma and grandpa were left with the brutal decision of what to do with her. The rest of the kids grew up dirt poor because of the cost of the institutions aunty lived in.
When Mom and Dad Grow Old
- Thread starter sanctus
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My grandparents faced the same dilemna. It can be brutal for a family. My aunt was held in by the nurses during birth, because the doctor hadn't arrived yet. Grandma blacked out from the pain, but as far as she can recall, the nurses forcibly held the baby from being born for almost 20 minutes, until the doctor showed up. Then, they let go, and aunty was born all at once, which can cause brain damage in and of itself. A tiny settlement was paid, roughly $2000, and grandma and grandpa were left with the brutal decision of what to do with her. The rest of the kids grew up dirt poor because of the cost of the institutions aunty lived in.
Hermann
The stories people have to share here are amazing....
I think I'll make some flash cards for myself with the messages on each so I can read them when I am feeling sorry for myself.
Each one seems more difficult than the last.....and we continue to endure....
The stories people have to share here are amazing....
I think I'll make some flash cards for myself with the messages on each so I can read them when I am feeling sorry for myself.
Each one seems more difficult than the last.....and we continue to endure....
No, but it wasn't so bad. The first was quick, as the body is being cremated and interred in the Spring. The second was placed in a masoleum, so it wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be.
One thing that got on my nerves today, though, at the second one. I had no sooner given the final Blessing at the burial spot when two of the daughters began a spat over their mother's China set.
Now this fits this topic I think, people at funerals fighting over "things". And before you all start saying as long as there's a will, let me tell you something! I've done I don't know how many funerals and been involved with I don't know how many dying people since I was ordained in 1996, and let me tell you, even with a will there always seems to be family squabbling. It is very sad, and so common it only surprises me when there isn't a squabble over something or other with the Estate of the deceased.
Personally, these sorts of threads are much more interesting to me then arguing over religious beliefs or politics. To me, this is the true power of the internet, a place where we can share our humanity with one another.
In my experience, it has less to do with the fight over the stuff, and more to do with occupying your mind so that you don't have to focus on the grief.
I have yet to see any funeral where people didn't jump at a chance to be angry over piddly things.
Exactly. A few years back, for example, I went to hospital to give a dying woman her Last Rites. In the hallway, as their mother lay dying, her four adult children were arguing over the hymns she would have at her funeral. I see this all the time, and it is, as I have already stated, very sad.
Better than endure. My family (and many who have been through far worse) are very happy. my sister is in a comfortable home and gets visits more than weekly and excellent medical care, mum started her own business and now jetsets to america and spain on a regular basis, and i've emigrated to lovely canada with my wife. I honestly consider my family very lucky.
As mentioned in the thread about anti-depressants, It's not the problems life gives you that matter, it's how you deal with them. I learned very slowly
Better than endure. My family (and many who have been through far worse) are very happy. my sister is in a comfortable home and gets visits more than weekly and excellent medical care, mum started her own business and now jetsets to america and spain on a regular basis, and i've emigrated to lovely canada with my wife. I honestly consider my family very lucky.
As mentioned in the thread about anti-depressants, It's not the problems life gives you that matter, it's how you deal with them. I learned very slowly
You're totally correct. And don't fret, most of us learn this lesson very slowly. Funny how the stuff that seemed so damned important at 20 seems utterly trivial at 47!
Sanctus - I am pleased you were spared the weather.....
Re people fighting - strangely enough I have been preparing my Will the past week and think I'll include an instruction to the Executor if anyone commences disagreement, take them off the list of beneficiaries.
I have seen far too many of these ugly scenes - like carrion picking bones....
what a good idea. I always thought that contesting a will is a horrible thing to do. the whole point of a will is that it's their WILL, it's what they want done
A family I know has a rather unique plan for such eventualities. Outside of what is named in the will specifically, it is the intention of this elder gentleman I know, when his time is close, to call his family together and allow them to take what they want at that time. He will supervise the event and once done, everything left is to go to charitable organizations( those things not mentioned in the will or given away) This sounds like a neat idea.
My husband's family did this upon the death of his Memere (grandmother). We all went to the house after the funeral, had tea and lunch, and discussed who could use what. The jewelery was divided up amongst her children, according to who had special memories of certain pieces, who lacked certain pieces like a pearl necklace in their own collections, and who would like them for special things, like a future engagement. She was buried with the pieces that mattered to her. Everything in the house went the same way... if you could use it, you spoke up. It all went very peacably. I was surprised.
I have it the easy way. :roll: I get everything and I'm the executor. Basically, who gets what is up to me to figure out. Horrid job, but I'd rather do it that have my 86 year old mother try figuring it out.
Won't be too easy if the rest of your family resents you for doing so, or for giving out to one person what someone else wanted!
In my family, the hardest thing we had to face was watching our vital, motivated mother succomb to cancer at the age of 40. I was 18 at the time, with younger brothers and sisters. Over a three year period our Mom deteriorated to the point where she was bed-ridden and almost constantly in a state of pain. It drove my dad over the edge,as he couldn't handle it at all. Dad was always a bit of a wussy during times of trouble, and like him, we used to rely on Mom to do everything rough. When she finally died, a month before my wedding, it was, I hate to say it, almos a relief. One thing I learned with inner strength through both determination and prayer
After you've garnered a lot more life experience, you will come to understand this... after being in severe pain from a debilitating disease for many years,yes, death is a blessed relief.
My family lost a wonderful aunt to a slow fight with cancer in February of 2006. Watching someone go through that kind of pain is like nothing else on earth. The relief to see her finally beyond the pain was very strong. My heart goes out to you for having lost her at such a special time in your life. I'm glad you could take something good away from it.
I never would have understood this without having seen some of the deaths I've seen. When someone you love is in so much pain, and there's nothing you can do about it, when you watch them struggle with it, beg to die the pain is so bad, it makes you realize what a gift passing on can be. People can linger so long in so much pain. It's very hard to watch, and the closer you were to someone, the more it hurts.