Have never across any such case where parrents are neglected ot abusive....:laughing7:
When Mom and Dad Grow Old
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Have never across any such case where parrents are neglected ot abusive....:laughing7:
In 1995 my dad suffered a severe stroke. One ounce worse and he would've died, but as it were he remained a vegetable in extended care for 5 years until he finally went. I remember within about 48 hours of the crisis my mother was posed with the dilemma - do you want to let him pass on or do you want him tube fed in the hope he makes a miraculous and unlikely recovery. She had never had such a conversation with him and he did not leave anything in writing to direct her in this decision. Although the most humane thing would've been to let him go she could not live with herself by doing so. So she requested the tube and she visited him daily in his vegetative state for 5 years. It wasn't a good situation. I would suggest everyone expect the best but prepare for the worst. If the worst arrives and there is no playbook nothing in life is easy. If your parents don't talk to you about their last wishes ask them.
I usually hope for the best but expect the worst. Does that count?
I had a great aunt at the coast that was in slightly better shape, but not much. She could speak, and the most often heard words from her were, "I wish I could just die. Why won't they let me die?" Said that for 8 or 9 years.
I had a great aunt at the coast that was in slightly better shape, but not much. She could speak, and the most often heard words from her were, "I wish I could just die. Why won't they let me die?" Said that for 8 or 9 years.
It's a rotten situation. I said expect the best because nearly all of us will have the opportunity to at least communicate. Don't expect your parent to instantly become a vegetable but take a step or two to prepare for the worst.
I can remember my grandfather who was 76 years of age and was on bed for allmost 37 years before he died , in his last 24 hour docs told us that he be no more in next few our he is going and what the max you can do is you can keep his body alive but brain will be dead and asked us what do we want do we want his body alive or I would say alive dead person , at that time on one but my grand mom came in front and signed on papers to relive him from everything coz she do not want him to in pain for any more as he had allready spent 37 years on bed and she is the one who took care of him
you must be pretty naive friend. some parents are awful, just awful. dads raping their kids or beating their wives and kids. parents on dope. one of my friends moms is so high all the time she hardly leaves her house. she lives on welfare. my friend has to work part-time to get extra grocery money cos her moms a loser and spends their extra money on weed. my own dad got himself born-again a few years ago and after a few years of listening to him tell my mom, my brother and me we were going to hell and quiting bible stuff at us 10 million times a day, he finally took off and has nothing to do with us cos he says we are the devils spawn or somecrap like that.
if a person is like what you describe, do you think they can still think inside? i mean, that inside they still are there somewhere? know what i mean?
Good question. I'm not sure anybody knows for sure. Who knows the full power of the mind anyway, since we use so little of its potential?!
My opinion is that it is best to die quickly. I would prefer it to having to go through a long hospital process watching someone waste away. I have been involved with people who are in just such a position, and the effects on the family can be devastating
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hummm , I am very luck in that sence but I was talking about only and only abusive and neglacted...
If you look at the way a Asia family works ,its a unit ,the all live together ,the grandparents usually take care of the grandchildren when their children are at work ,until the are not able ,they don't "put their parents in homes because of the unit "take care of your own " When community nursing started for me I didn't venture to palliative in the begin(post op ,medical) but noticed that Canadians ,born here into 10 generation put their parents or their (parents them selves) into care facilities because both people worked ,nobody wanted the burden (all that time the parents invested in their children and the children selfishly never give back ,The homes care facilities are now geared to different levels of Nursing care ,so in one building you can end up retirement ,then with a little help and so on ,which is OK but with out your support system the unit the family its heart wrenching and some become bitter ,the staff takes the brunt,
That is why the retirement plan must encompass the whole last 20 years right up until passing ,if a retirement planner (in my eyes ) wants to give a family or people the best plan all must be discussed when everyone is coherent ,its does cost more, it is emotional ,but not as much as it would be without a plan ,When I had a chance to work with the Palliative care team ,I witnessed 70% of families lost in a emotional financial hurricane and the person that should have been focused on "the dying" was being cared for being supported by US (total strangers ) burn out was high rate Doc and nurses broken down ,we never imagined that people families would react ,where unable to deal with it ,the majority (unless the were the "unit type " ran ,hide ,just because they didn't know what to do ,out of that grew care giver support ,so we as a team could help them deal with not only the passing but the whole concept of who what and where --Hospice was always involved if the family so wished
Many couldn't get passed the though of a doc,not prolonging a life but instead ,help the passing without interfering unless there was pain --Will say it again the information is our there for people of any income level to get help ,like anything else you just have to ask ,
abuse is everywhere ,I don't know why but its not just in one situation ,and If I remember
do on to other as you would have them do to you
The material world has made people have to work more and spend less time being a unit --divide and conquer
That is why the retirement plan must encompass the whole last 20 years right up until passing ,if a retirement planner (in my eyes ) wants to give a family or people the best plan all must be discussed when everyone is coherent ,its does cost more, it is emotional ,but not as much as it would be without a plan ,When I had a chance to work with the Palliative care team ,I witnessed 70% of families lost in a emotional financial hurricane and the person that should have been focused on "the dying" was being cared for being supported by US (total strangers ) burn out was high rate Doc and nurses broken down ,we never imagined that people families would react ,where unable to deal with it ,the majority (unless the were the "unit type " ran ,hide ,just because they didn't know what to do ,out of that grew care giver support ,so we as a team could help them deal with not only the passing but the whole concept of who what and where --Hospice was always involved if the family so wished
Many couldn't get passed the though of a doc,not prolonging a life but instead ,help the passing without interfering unless there was pain --Will say it again the information is our there for people of any income level to get help ,like anything else you just have to ask ,
abuse is everywhere ,I don't know why but its not just in one situation ,and If I remember
do on to other as you would have them do to you
The material world has made people have to work more and spend less time being a unit --divide and conquer
I know it's easy to judge those who "abandon" their families when things get tough, but I still have some sympathy for them. I wonder how much of that is just a self defense mechanism.
Thats right , thats why they include family and give caregiver support as well , whatever a person (child of the parent ) can offer is gratefully encompassed , the children then, become a team member ,which if you ever get a chance to witness or become part of usually changes a person ,
Judging will happen within families but every person is so different in coping skills -the judge in the end its your own conscience
Judging will happen within families but every person is so different in coping skills -the judge in the end its your own conscience
My mom would talk around him like he wasn't there. I got a little peeved about it because I felt he did understand.
It won't be a world wide depression that hits you.
It won't be as bad as losing your job.
It won't be as bad as being robbed.
The thing that can throw you into poverty or wipe out your best retirement plan
is Mom and Dad getting sick and needing around the clock care.
We got a little cushion.
My Mom's an Angel. She changes Dad's diaper every day, cleaning off his bottom of poop. Gives
him his drugs. She gets a little help from Hospice everyday. Dad had a bad stroke 3 years ago.
And now he is slowly dying.
What a waste. Dad's got an intelligence I've always loved. His throat is so clogged he can't
speak.
It won't be as bad as losing your job.
It won't be as bad as being robbed.
The thing that can throw you into poverty or wipe out your best retirement plan
is Mom and Dad getting sick and needing around the clock care.
We got a little cushion.
My Mom's an Angel. She changes Dad's diaper every day, cleaning off his bottom of poop. Gives
him his drugs. She gets a little help from Hospice everyday. Dad had a bad stroke 3 years ago.
And now he is slowly dying.
What a waste. Dad's got an intelligence I've always loved. His throat is so clogged he can't
speak.
I'm sorry you are going through this Jim. My dad had some amazing musical talents. It bothered me a lot to see that wiped out in a flash.
Right on. lol
I had the constant perfectly logical view that there was no sense i making my bed because I'd just mess it up later on that day. So the only time a bed should logically be made is when it's sheet change day.
It didn't go over very well.
I hate having these sorts of fights, so I found an easy way to solve the issue. My kids are only 5 and 6, and neither one can stand topsheets... they juts kick them to the end of the bed. So, I got rid of them. Now they have an afghan each, and a comforter. in the morning, they just pull the afghan out, flip the comforter up, lay the afghan across the end of the bed, and done. doesn't even have to be neat, just pulled together so the cat doesn't sleep in their beds.
My husband's Pepere said the same thing up until he died just before Christmas this year. It's so hard to hear them wishing to die.
Oy veh, is there not a soul on this earth without pain ?
What a thread !!!
Bless all of you guys !!
What a thread !!!
Bless all of you guys !!