Lenten Reflection

[karrie]

My time off this year for Lent was time well spent, and the arrival of Easter was a true joy. Part of my personal reflection involved my use of forums, and it was a reflection that started before I even left.

An invitation to people to share what they do for lent, and me sharing what I intended to do, met with mocking of my personal decision from people who count themselves friends, and highjacking of the thread to mock religion. The thread 'Happy Easter' I see, meets with the same. It was not a thread discussing whether or not religion is valid, whether or not Easter is 'true'. It was started to say Happy Easter. And yet we can't help giving our opinions regardless of whether they were asked.

Which brings me to my most crucial personal reflection of the impact on my mind of these forums. Extrapolation. One innocuous comment, and I find myself extrapolating a host of meanings that person might have behind their post. I never realized before how injurious that habit is for human interaction.

One comment about me observing lent this year met with a lot of comments, on this forum and others, implying that I think I'm better, that I judge others, etc. And I won't say they're unfair extrapolations as they apply to other people those people have bumped up against on the internet. But, living in a faceless world, dealing with being extrapolated out into someone I'm not, is not a healthy daily endeavour. And worse is realizing that it is something I must be doing as well.

And so... the result of my reflection... is my attempt to step away from such an injurious habit, such an unfair treatment of others.

 

[talloola]

Never gave any of those negative ideas any thought at all
Karrie, knew you were applying a dicipline for yourself
by staying away until easter, and thought about you from time to
time, and I have respect for anyone who puts a 'dicipline'
on themselves, sticks to it, and therefore comes out a
better person for it.

welcome back.

p.s. notce different cat avatar, my beautiful 'meggie' died while you were away,
so I had quite a grieving period, now we are starting again with 'gus' 41/2 mos
old mixed siamese from spca, 'he says hi'.

 

[lone wolf]

People manipulate words because they can. With speed-reading and skimming becoming the norm in a too-fast paced school system, a lot of folks don't grasp the significance of words that are actually in front of them. They fill in their own details. Sucks to be them.

Welcome back, Karrie. You were missed.

 

[karrie]

p.s. notce different cat avatar, my beautiful 'meggie' died while you were away,
so I had quite a grieving period, now we are starting again with 'gus' 41/2 mos
old mixed siamese from spca, 'he says hi'.

I'm sorry to hear that Talloola. I find that a distressingly large number of people I know have lost pets recently. As my pets both decline with age I find myself empathizing greatly with such a loss.

 

[karrie]

People manipulate words because they can. With speed-reading and skimming becoming the norm in a too-fast paced school system, a lot of folks don't grasp the significance of words that are actually in front of them. They fill in their own details. Sucks to be them.

Welcome back, Karrie. You were missed.

Thank you wolf.

 

[Outta here]

Hon, at the end of the day, all we have is our decision to be the best person we can be... in the moment we're in. Sometimes it comes easy... other times, not so much... but making a conscious and concerted effort to choose the high road is a wonderful start.

For the record, this is who I've always perceived you to be. If you think you have room to hone this quality within yourself even further, be true to that... but please also remember we're all only human, and therefore prone to falling short of our own expectations on occasion too. Be kind to yourself when that happens, so you might be able to return that kindness to others when they fall too.

I'm still working on that. I used to be able to turn the other cheek when someone made upsetting comments either directed to me, or to someone I care about or respect.... lately I feel myself taking the easy way out... I'll think about what you've said, you've reminded me that I used to try a little harder.

I'm happy to have you back - your presence was missed.

 

[karrie]

Thank you Zan. I will try to remember that. :smile:

 

[darkbeaver]

Happy Easter Karrie. Lent was good to you.

 

[karrie]

Thank you Beaver.

 

[VanIsle]

Zan, you say that at the end of the day, all we have is our decision to be the best person we can be. You're right when you say making a conscious and concerted effort to choose the high road is a wonderful start. and it's also a hard thing to do ( the effort). I think actually that the decision to be the best person we can be should start the moment we click on the word "forums". It's really hard to turn the other cheek when all you want to do is share how you feel about a subject and someone tells you over and over just how stupid they think you are. I'm sure no one comes on here because they want to hear that and I'm even more sure that other readers/posters don't want to read it. I don't like seeing anyone bullied here or anywhere. I've been told that I'm insecure, I'm stupid, I'm boring, self important or bossy, etc. because I don't like bullying. I don't see any point to those conversations or more importantly - I don't see the need.
I'm guilty. I have lashed out when someone has finally gotten my goat. I don't want to do that and it's not my nature. I am more nourishing than I am combative. I guess we all have our limits. Sometimes though, no matter how hard a person tries to "let things go", another will continue to push their point until they reach your (anyone's) breaking point. I think we all have a tendancy to protect our friends even if we know they are not necessarily right. I think what's important is how you are defending anyone. If you are defending them against being bullied I still believe it's the right thing to do. If you are defending them just because they are a friend then it's not necessarily right. Sometimes I don't respond to a thread where a friend is being picked at. I may disagree with the friend's opinion but if it's a place where I see that people are just being nasty and not just giving out their own feelings on a thread rather than on a fellow poster I don't add fodder to the fire. Adding a "let's calm down" type of post does add fodder.
Anyway, all I'm saying is I agree with you which some will say then "why didn't you just say that" but I had a bit of a point I was hoping to make.

 

[VanIsle]

Karrie, you said:
Which brings me to my most crucial personal reflection of the impact on my mind of these forums. Extrapolation. One innocuous comment, and I find myself extrapolating a host of meanings that person might have behind their post. I never realized before how injurious that habit is for human interaction.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Excellent reflections. It's so easy to insert our own thoughts into others words, not always understanding what they are saying. It's also so very easy to type words you expect another to fully understand because they make perfect sense to you - the typist. We all have a tendancy to wonder how someone came up with their understanding of our words. We fail to remember that they are our words and that we don't put our whole thoughts onto the page. Thank goodness or most of us would never leave our chairs. I guess the best here would be to just explain one's thoughts if it appears another poster "didn't get it" when they read the words. It seems it's just so much easier to say "You're stupid". I guess I stand by my "signature".
Congratulations on keeping your committment to your Lenten promise. You have the right to be proud. I hope you had a lovely Easter.

 

[Risus]

Welcome back Karrie.

 

[JLM]

My time off this year for Lent was time well spent, and the arrival of Easter was a true joy. Part of my personal reflection involved my use of forums, and it was a reflection that started before I even left.

An invitation to people to share what they do for lent, and me sharing what I intended to do, met with mocking of my personal decision from people who count themselves friends, and highjacking of the thread to mock religion. The thread 'Happy Easter' I see, meets with the same. It was not a thread discussing whether or not religion is valid, whether or not Easter is 'true'. It was started to say Happy Easter. And yet we can't help giving our opinions regardless of whether they were asked.

Which brings me to my most crucial personal reflection of the impact on my mind of these forums. Extrapolation. One innocuous comment, and I find myself extrapolating a host of meanings that person might have behind their post. I never realized before how injurious that habit is for human interaction.

One comment about me observing lent this year met with a lot of comments, on this forum and others, implying that I think I'm better, that I judge others, etc. And I won't say they're unfair extrapolations as they apply to other people those people have bumped up against on the internet. But, living in a faceless world, dealing with being extrapolated out into someone I'm not, is not a healthy daily endeavour. And worse is realizing that it is something I must be doing as well.

And so... the result of my reflection... is my attempt to step away from such an injurious habit, such an unfair treatment of others.

Hey, you can drive yourself crazy by trying to get into things too deeply. The fact is if it's something you wanted to do (and it certainly doesn't harm anyone else) should be good enough. I don't get too deep into religion myself, other than I believe in a supreme power, otherwise I'm what you'd call an agnostic. A lot of people have been helped in big ways by religion, such as the seemingly hopeless alcoholic who has found his way back to sobriety, family and prosperity is good enough for me. People who laugh at religion are probably insecure anyway. Don't let 'em bother you.

 

[talloola]

Hey, you can drive yourself crazy by trying to get into things too deeply. The fact is if it's something you wanted to do (and it certainly doesn't harm anyone else) should be good enough. I don't get too deep into religion myself, other than I believe in a supreme power, otherwise I'm what you'd call an agnostic. A lot of people have been helped in big ways by religion, such as the seemingly hopeless alcoholic who has found his way back to sobriety, family and prosperity is good enough for me. People who laugh at religion are probably insecure anyway. Don't let 'em bother you.

I agree JLM, lots of people have been helped by believing in
some sort of religion, and if that works for them, that is
a good thing, and the churches reach out to help those in
need as well, in many aspects of life. I remember, as a
little girl, sitting with my dad, as he talked with a priest, on many occasions, (cronic alchoholic, and plagued
by guilt and self loathing)(not the priest, my dad, lol),
I know that's not funny but my grasp of the english language
is. My dad was comforted on those occasions, and without
those talks, he would have been very lonely and scared,
and the church is a valuable source of help in that way.

 

[eh1eh]

karrie.

The good thing about reflection is it is a reflection of yourself. You need not answer to or address any other opinion or assessment of you. That would defeat the exercise of reflection. What do you see in your reflection? This will tell you everything. We all need to assesses ourselves first. I think you have discovered this.

:thumbright: Nice to meet the new you.