Petros and Petra
Thank you both - for the video and encouragement.
When I was at my worst whenever I was feeling "better" I would buy a new pair of shoes believing they would be well worn before long as I would be getting around more ....there are eight boxes of unworn shoes still in my closet .... and I should donate them but somehow
they represent something (either failure or hope) not sure.
I think it is the lack of "reason" which makes it so difficult to fight off the free floating anxiety which changes like the wind and arrives at the most inappropriate times. But my "enemy" is now my "challenger" and I feel a stronger person for overcoming its power.
There is always a reason - and your video has offered more proof.
Today I keep circling around my fridge. Some leftovers got fogotten at the back of the fridge. I'm terrified to try to throw them away, because I know what the smell is going to do to me. I've pulled the garbage can out, and set it in front of the fridge. I've gotten the sink filled with soapy water to clean the container as quick as possible. I've got everything ready to go, but I can't face it. I can't do it. I have too much to do today to risk a panic attack. But I can't NOT do it, it's got to be cleaned up. And I can't just chuck the containers, because hubby would notice they're gone (they're good containers), and to explain why they got tossed would mean explaining to him just how bad my flashbacks have gotten.
Fear is a funny thing isn't it? What would be nothing to someone else, I'm sitting here terrified about, knowing how easily it can set me off, give me flashbacks, bring the horror all right back to the front of my mind.
Before you put any more grub in the fridge - maybe just spray a little RAID in there.
The gigantic freak-out for your husband would be to open the fridge and find it empty - gloriously clean, smelling clean, shining like the sun lives there....but empty!
The fridge itself doesn't smell. I couldn't handle that. I'd have a total break down.
I know, it all sounds ridiculous on the surface doesn't it. lol.
.............Lots of stuff to be afraid of in this life...........Heights is mine, but really not, since I don't put myself in a position where it can affect me.........No sense obsessing bout stuff what ain't gonna happen. I'm never falling out of a tree, off a ladder, or a roof.
What might happen is that an accident or stroke leaves me unable to care for myself and unable to end my life. That's freakin scary. And don't tell me that keeping fit will save ya. Shyte, there's healthy people fallin like flies..............
"Superbug", antibiotic resistant pork MRSA, salmonella and e coli are something to fear and they are in your local supermarket!
yeah I slipped and jabbed myself cutting the pork up today and thought briefly just how dangerous that probably is.
I have a really hard time with unclean stores, and I can usually smell really quick if their meat department is somewhere I don't want to shop. The slightest smell of decay can send me into a full blown panic attack.