What's your worst opening sentence for a novel about Canada?

[CBC News]

A love affair likened to New York City won the grand prize in San Jose State University's annual contest featuring bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.
The winning entry came from Garrison Spik, who wrote:
"Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."'
Full story.
That got us thinking about the worst opening sentence for a novel about Canada. Send us your Canadian-themed submissions.


More...

 

[#juan]

It was 3:am on a dark and stormy night and I was late getting home again. My wife was asleep but my pillow had an impression as if it had had a head on it. I lifted the blankets to get into bed and there was a man sleeping on my side. He was short and both he and my wife were sound asleep. I decided to go downstairs and get myself a drink......

 

[lone wolf]

Gander.... What's in a name? It was the first thing I saw as I descended slippery metal steps to wet tarmac. The sign read: "Drink Canada Dry...."

 

[darkbeaver]

I stared into her one eye and told her I loved her as I handed her the new snow shovel, it was her birthday afterall.
The snowblower accident was still fresh in her mind but a pat on her voluptuous bum reassured her that all would be forgiven if she finished before the liquor store closed. She could fix the blower tomorrow, tonight was going to be special, I had another present in mind.