What can you do to monitor what your child is doing online?

CBC News

House Member
Sep 26, 2006
2,836
5
38
www.cbc.ca
A 32-year-old Belgian man has been charged with luring a 13-year-old girl to a hotel in Montreal. Police say they found thousands of pages of chats and that the two had been corresponding for months.
The man is accused of luring the Montreal teenager to a room in a gritty Montreal neighbourhood on Friday night.
Montreal police said they found the girl with a man at the two-star hotel, within walking distance of Montreal's central bus station, after a city-wide search.
Police said for now there is no evidence that the girl was sexually assaulted and she appeared unharmed. She was reported missing after failing to return home from school. She has since been reunited with her parents.
The father of the accused told a French-language daily newspaper in Belgium that he is shocked by the turn of events surrounding his son.
FULL STORY
What can you do to monitor what your child is doing online?


More...
 

karrie

OogedyBoogedy
Jan 6, 2007
27,780
285
83
bliss
Mainly, don't let them on-line on any site with chat capabilities.

I can configure this comp so that if there's a site they want to use, I have to approve it.

And for their MSN and such, I'd limit their time severely, and pick and choose their friend list.

But, their mom is a net nut, and uses chat and stuff, so I'm sure my kids will be too cool for the lame stuff their mom does anyway.
 

Praxius

Mass'Debater
Dec 18, 2007
10,677
161
63
Halifax, NS & Melbourne, VIC
Well for one thing, my child won't have their own computer in their room, just my own which everybody in the household will use and that I can monitor. (Added: And yes, I know about kids in school requiring a computer to do their homework sometimes, and one computer will not only meet that demand, but it'll give one more excuse to limit each child's usage on the computer, due to other's requiring the use of it)

Secondly, before I even allow my child to venture on the internet, I will educated the to the full extent of the pros and cons of the internet, what they are at risk of, what other people's intentions might be, etc. If they do not understand something I am explaining, then I will explain that so they can. If they do not wish to take the time to learn what I am going to tell them, then they won't be allowed on the internet until they do, plain and simple.

Thirdly, I would of course be doing very regular checkups on my system and its records of activity. I will, as Mr. L. Wolf mentioned, talk to them. I will not of course do the whole police interrogation approach to the situation, as that usually clams them up on certain details they may think are not approved of. But I will imply that I am interested in knowing who their new/old friends are, how they are doing, what have they been up to, etc. (Getting involved in their life so to speak.)

Forthly, if I found any odd details or information on my system that I am not sure of where it came from, or looks problematic for my child (or myself), I will address the situation ASAP, and confront my child on those details. If they do not give a ligit explination that matches the details I have found, then they will not be permitted to use the system until I do get the right information.

If my child starts to flip shnit over my invading their privacy, I will of course remind them that when they are living in my house, my rules and using my computer, in those regards, they have no privacy.... esspecially when it comes to their own security from other people from the internet. That they should be greatful that I allow them on the internet at all, and if things continue, then I will remove the internet from the household all together, or limit it to only my account on the system which is password protected (And I haven't met anybody yet who could figure out my passwords, as they are virtually random in my head.)

Oh... and if they want that level of privacy in their lives, then they can wait until they grow the hell up, graduate, move out and get their own computer to do as they please with.... until that time, I paid for the damn thing and they will use it accordingly or not at all.

I would of course inform my child that if they have any questions or issues that they would want to bring to my attention from some online experience between them and someone else, or there has been something strange going on, or if they are interested in meeting someone they met online, that they bring it to my attention.

At the basis of every one of these possible situations, they will be approached in a manner in which they are of course not to blame for what has or will occur, and that I will help, with the best of my ability, to give them the proper information so that they can make the right decisions for themselves. If something like the above situation occurs, then I will address that person online in my own way, while I will inform my child of the situation, what occured, what could have occured, and how to avoid the situation again in the future.

I am fully aware that no parent can fully cover every single thing that their children can do in their life, but what I can do is attempt to give them the right information/procedures to protect them when I am not around to do so..... but what occurs on my computer is my business, and until my child get's a bank account and bills to pay online, it will remain that way.
 
Last edited:

eh1eh

Blah Blah Blah
Aug 31, 2006
10,750
106
63
Under a Lone Palm
Praxis. Your kids are going to get around your totalitarian tactics. See karrie's method. You've got to give the trust and make them appreciate it, not lord over them in the living room when they're trying to have a discussion about how lame their teachers are or even how lame their parents are, it's what kids do.

I always checked my daughters history etc when she was younger. She got her own comp when she started grade 7. That kind of thing is due diligence. Monitoring everything they do is overbearing.
 

Kreskin

Doctor of Thinkology
Feb 23, 2006
21,155
149
63
I usually let my 7 year old go onto webkinz or family.ca without much supervision. The other day however I noticed her typing her name into the address bar to see if she had her own site. I'm sure it wouldn't take much variation in name to have some porn appear.

You have to watch these little buggers. They are pretty adept at playing with the computer.
 

lone wolf

Grossly Underrated
Nov 25, 2006
32,493
212
63
In the bush near Sudbury
I usually let my 7 year old go onto webkinz or family.ca without much supervision. The other day however I noticed her typing her name into the address bar to see if she had her own site. I'm sure it wouldn't take much variation in name to have some porn appear.

You have to watch these little buggers. They are pretty adept at playing with the computer.

Ye-ah.... My four-year-old grand daughter has had ol' FRED here up and running when I've been chewing my tongue and thinking the nastiest of names....:angry3:
 

Outta here

Senate Member
Jul 8, 2005
6,778
158
63
Edmonton AB
...Your kids are going to get around your totalitarian tactics. See karrie's method. You've got to give the trust and make them appreciate it, not lord over them in the living room when they're trying to have a discussion about how lame their teachers are or even how lame their parents are, it's what kids do.

I always checked my daughters history etc when she was younger. She got her own comp when she started grade 7. That kind of thing is due diligence. Monitoring everything they do is overbearing.

I agree. My 13 year old has her own laptop which came with the Vista OS. One of the features it has is a pretty user friendly parental control module which allows you to decide what degree of control you want to have over your child's net access - I have checked her logs a few times to see if more diligent attention was needed from me, and will do so occasionally for a bit longer... but at some point you have to trust that you've done a good job educating your kids as to what the safety limits are, what to watch out for, and how to protect themselves.

As far as content goes, I admit I'm not too worried about that anymore either. Not that I want my kids viewing smut and porn, but I know that if they really want to see it, my interventions aren't gonna do much to stop them.

When I discovered my son had been checking out some smutty sites a couple years ago, I just had a talk with him to remind him that what he was seeing wasn't necessarily a fair or true representation of a 'real' woman - at least not one he'd likely be happy with for any length of time outside of a bedroom. I felt it was important that he understand right from the get go that the view of sexuality he was checking out was only one small aspect of the real thing - and that it doesn't in any way equip him for the realities of being with a 'real' woman in a 'real' relationship.

Poor kid was mortified I'd caught him, so I gave extra effort to not acting horrified or disappointed in him... but my whole point is this stuff is out there, kids are curious and you can either acknowledge and normalize that curiosity while defining what's appropriate in satiating that curiosity, or you can try and stuff it all out of sight... er.. site? (oh look, a punny):lol:

... and good luck with that!

In all things, moderation... there's no extreme approach to pretty much anything that I've seen that is actually effective in reaching the goal it's trying to accomplish. In this case, it's keeping your kids safe while respecting their right to boundaries... it's a delicate balancing act for sure.