FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
APRIL 26, 2000
7:03 PM
CONTACT: Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
Ficus Plant Announces Candidacy For Congress
MORRISTOWN, NJ - April 26 - Claiming that the American people "deserve better," a potted plant, commonly known as "Ficus," formally announced its campaign this morning to seek the Congressional seat in New Jersey's 11th District as a write-in candidate on both the Democrat and Republican Party ballots in the June 6 primary.
"The United States Congress is full of babbling idiots and bumbling morons," said Ficus campaign strategist and filmmaker Michael Moore. "Most run unopposed in their primaries and 95% are re-elected every time in the general election. What we get from these Congressmen-for-life is a lot of hot air, a bunch of promises that are never kept, problems like health care and education that are never addressed, more taxes for a bigger military when there are no wars, and a bigger paycheck for Congress when they don't deserve it."
Moore, in presenting the Ficus at a press conference in the historic town square of Morristown, New Jersey (site of George Washington's military headquarters), also announced that Ficuses in more than twenty other Congressional districts around the country (see list), where the incumbent faces little or no opposition, are also entering the race.
"Ficus Fever is sweeping the nation," said Moore. "In a country where the majority no longer vote, writing in Ficus will give the disenfranchised voter a chance to cast a vote for "None of the Above!"
Ficus will run as both a Democrat and a Republican because, according to Moore, "There is little difference between the two so-called parties."
"Both the Democrat and Republican nominees for President are for NAFTA, for the death penalty, for increased military spending, against immediate universal health care, against stringent gun control that would ban handguns, and both looked like pandering idiots regarding their exploitation of that six-year old Cuban boy."
"But, more important, both parties are beholden to those who pay for their campaigns. Why should the wealthy have two parties doing their bidding, and the other 90% of Americans have no real representation?"
The Ficus will accept no campaign contributions. All it needs is air, sunlight, and water.
"And a little fertilizer," which Moore said the Ficus "should find plenty of in Washington."
Moore said that "all Ficuses running for Congress across the country meet the Constitutional qualifications: each Ficus is at least twenty-five years old, each has been in the U.S. for at least seven years, and each is a resident of the district where it seeks election."