More single women than men?

[hermanntrude]

I think one day you'll change your mind. You said you don't think that's true, and so did i when I was your age.

As for the loss of freedom, that's an issue between the couple. Some couples are happy for one of them to vanish for a few days and not explain when they come home, which is weird to me, and some couples like to call each other ten times a day. I think that's crazy too. The thing is, much of it is politeness. If I'm gonna be late home, my wife would benefit from knowing so, so i'll send her a message by msn, that way she won't plan anything that'd be ruined by my being late. Having said that there's no need for me to call her all the time or vice versa.

You've mentioned all the negative sides of having children, and yes, i'm very aware of them. It scares me a lot to be the one who an entire family are dependant on for an income. The responsibility scares me too. Having said that, the positive side is giant quantities of love, getting to know and shape a new person, and make a life which is half you and half your wife... My baby already fascinates me and i've only ever seen one picture of it, and that was in black and white and a bit grainy. It moves around inside her, gets hiccups... i talk to it and feel it all the time. I can't wait to get to know it, even if it pukes and ****s on me and makes me poor.

 

[Minority Observer84]

Easy... you haven't been in love.

Love another thing extremely overrated .

 

[hermanntrude]

Love another thing extremely overrated .

wrong again.

Misunderstood, surely. overrated, nope. Under-rated, I'd say.

 

[SwitSof]

wrong again.

Misunderstood, surely. overrated, nope. Under-rated, I'd say.

Why is that?

 

[hermanntrude]

The fact is that love is a hard thing to understand, mostly because of the myths in current circulation. The most common myth is that it's a passive thing, something that happens to you, and you can't prevent. Love takes effort, it is an active thing. Having said that, like many things which take a bit of work, it's immensely rewarding. You won't know until you try, of course.

It's hard to talk like this without sounding trite. the trouble is that it's all trite and cliche for a reason. The reason being that the giant majority of people who are and want to be married and/or in a committed relationship of any sort, can't be wrong.

 

[Minority Observer84]

You've mentioned all the negative sides of having children, and yes, i'm very aware of them. It scares me a lot to be the one who an entire family are dependant on for an income. The responsibility scares me too. Having said that, the positive side is giant quantities of love, getting to know and shape a new person, and make a life which is half you and half your wife... My baby already fascinates me and i've only ever seen one picture of it, and that was in black and white and a bit grainy. It moves around inside her, gets hiccups... i talk to it and feel it all the time. I can't wait to get to know it, even if it pukes and ****s on me and makes me poor.

Ah to me there are nothing but negatives . As you might already be able to tell I'am not very sentimental or nurturing . I think it;s more of an outlook thing than it is a age thing . I don't like kids they are rude , noisy , curious , self centered and most annoying of all unpredictable .I don't like other people's kids I'am pretty sure if I had any I wouldn't like them either it seems to me to be a lot of work and effort put into something to get nothing . I attribute the high incidence of child birth to social pressure , tradition and love a feeling I really cannot understand .

 

[hermanntrude]

you're sounding EXACTLY the way I sounded at 22. Honest truth.

 

[Minority Observer84]

you're sounding EXACTLY the way I sounded at 22. Honest truth.

I tried the whole nurturing thing out , a girl i was seeing gave me a puppy , which was entertaining for a few hours , then comes all the work of feeding it cleaning it walking it and generally making sure it doesn't get me fined or kicked out of my apartment complex . In a few weeks the girl was gone and so was the puppy , being the gentlemen that I am I gave it back to her . :smile:

 

[SwitSof]

I don't think it's something about me that's going to change . I find the whole idea of monogomy boring.

Well, I suppose there are women who are also rather adventurous. If you don't mind not getting the exclusivity meaning that say she can compare you to the other and that's probably done unconsciously and those potential problems that may occur with say a man with 2 or more wives, then you two are meant for each other since you want the same thing.
I'm from a Chinese-descent family and my great grandfather actually had two wives and everybody got along very well. The first wife got tired of the sex and she got tired of doing the house chores too, so she deliberately asked her husband to find a 2nd wife who did like cooking and these chores and was a very nice lady apparently, as the two wives actually ended up to be as close as sisters.

Plus a person gives up a lot of the freedoms they gained from adult hood to marriage . I have a friend every single time we go out his wife calls him at least 4-5 times my god ! he even check in with her whenever he's going to be late from work (seriously one time I was driving him home from work and I get a flat and he calls to tell her he's gona be late because of my flat ) Granted he does it to her whenever she's out and about but still it's infantile.

I agreed with Hermann, it's more of out of consideration. I even tell my flatmate if I weren't going to be home that night either cause I was clubbing the whole night or staying in a friend's place without planning it just so that the flatmate wouldn't be worried and call the police!

By the way having kids is extremely overrated . Why anyone would anyone want the responsibility , financial pressure and the general extra work attached to having offspring is beyond me .

Well, if you don't want to have children, there are also women who don't like the idea to bear a child either. My mum said having me to be born naturally was rather painful for her, so since then she demanded the drugs! :lol: There are women who want to stay pretty let's say and wouldn't want the delivery to damage their figure or that they would have to dress rather casual to take care of the child(ren).
I personally think blood alone doesn't make a family. I wouldn't mind the idea of adopting a child who is already born to this world. I reckon the parent(s)' care, love and education would make the child to at least adopt some values the parent(s) has/have, instead of the blood. I had an extended family when I was young and still in school in Japan amongst my friends. We stayed together to overcome broken hearts, grief of losing a dad, depressions even one was trying to kill himself.

Well maybe you can call it the desire to leave a legacy or just more of a biological instinct to continue the human race or simply just to have a family besides the partner, but if you see there is no point in having any children, then it's your choice to have.
Actually one of these women I mentioned has no desire to have any children either cause she saw what the pressure is going to be put on the generation of these now children because this generation then would have to bear the pension for the elderly that would be so high by the time this generation can earn.

 

[hermanntrude]

dogs and children cannot be compared. There are many people who absolutely adore having children but wouldn't ever have a dog.

 

[karrie]

Ah to me there are nothing but negatives . As you might already be able to tell I'am not very sentimental or nurturing . I think it;s more of an outlook thing than it is a age thing . I don't like kids they are rude , noisy , curious , self centered and most annoying of all unpredictable .I don't like other people's kids I'am pretty sure if I had any I wouldn't like them either it seems to me to be a lot of work and effort put into something to get nothing . I attribute the high incidence of child birth to social pressure , tradition and love a feeling I really cannot understand .

Plenty of moms I know felt that way too, and set aside social pressures by refusing to have kids. Then they found out about the biological pressures. Most are panicking to have kids by the time they're 30. The neat thing is, while you can get annoyed and frustrated and hate all irritation that comes with other people's kids, you can love your own with a ferocity you'd have to see to believe.

The added bonus, is getting to add to the mix a kid/kids who are brought up the way you agree with.

 

[Minority Observer84]

dogs and children cannot be compared. There are many people who absolutely adore having children but wouldn't ever have a dog.

Yeah I tried cat's turtles and plants (All Given to me by women I was dating for some bizzare reason) I know a child and pet cannot be compared I'am just saying that a lot of extra work is involved in having either and isn't life stressful enough already ?

 

[SwitSof]

You've mentioned all the negative sides of having children, and yes, i'm very aware of them. It scares me a lot to be the one who an entire family are dependant on for an income. The responsibility scares me too.

That can be discussed between you two ay.
If it became necessary financially especially for both of the couple to work, I would reckon it's only fair for the wife to earn for the family too.
I saw the lifestyle of the expats' (I meant real expats) wives who were not working and were just housewives. They dined in the country club or some place of the sort, shopped branded stuff and met similar women only to gossip about who just bought a new car bla bla bla, geez. I was thinking they did this while the husbands worked hard till late at night (not that all didn't enjoy that though...) to have the money spent by the wives.

I can't wait to get to know it, even if it pukes and ****s on me and makes me poor.

Of course! It's part of you after all!

 

[SwitSof]

There are many people who absolutely adore having children but wouldn't ever have a dog.

Probably that'd be me. Dogs can bite and scratch you out of the blue!

 

[Minority Observer84]

Well, I suppose there are women who are also rather adventurous. If you don't mind not getting the exclusivity meaning that say she can compare you to the other and that's probably done unconsciously

I'am pretty insecure but the way I see it if she feels she can do better elsewhere who really cares .I've dated tons of women and I have to admit most of them I didn't really care very much about i just thought they looked prutty.

I agreed with Hermann, it's more of out of consideration. I even tell my flatmate if I weren't going to be home that night either cause I was clubbing the whole night or staying in a friend's place without planning it just so that the flatmate wouldn't be worried and call the police!

I don't check in with anyone , personal privacy is very important to me .

Well, if you don't want to have children, there are also women who don't like the idea to bear a child either. My mum said having me to be born naturally was rather painful for her, so since then she demanded the drugs!

I can only imagine all our moms went through a lot of pain to bear us in an odd sort of way i kinda feel guilty about it

Well maybe you can call it the desire to leave a legacy or just more of a biological instinct to continue the human race or simply just to have a family besides the partner

As for the idea of legacy it seems pretty pretentious to me . Really when i'am gone I'am gone and I'am ok with that I have no desire to leave anything behind me but possibly debt .
These are all personal opinions mind you . I'am only trying to understand why people choose to have kids when it seems like a lot of work and pressure to me and why people who are in love(whatever that is ) choose to get married . As for biological nature there is nothing natural about monogamy for the vast majority of animals their mate changes every year , seems a lot more interesting to me .

 

[hermanntrude]

That can be discussed between you two ay.
If it became necessary financially especially for both of the couple to work, I would reckon it's only fair for the wife to earn for the family too.
I saw the lifestyle of the expats' (I meant real expats) wives who were not working and were just housewives. They dined in the country club or some place of the sort, shopped branded stuff and met similar women only to gossip about who just bought a new car bla bla bla, geez. I was thinking they did this while the husbands worked hard till late at night (not that all didn't enjoy that though...) to have the money spent by the wives.


Of course! It's part of you after all!

You just made a GIANT bunch of assumptions. You couldn't be more wrong. Me and my wife have 4 degrees between us, and both plan to work. But it's understandable that a woman would like to take as long as possible to raise her child when it's very young.

 

[hermanntrude]

Probably that'd be me. Dogs can bite and scratch you out of the blue!

so can children

 

[hermanntrude]

I'am pretty insecure but the way I see it if she feels she can do better elsewhere who really cares .I've dated tons of women and I have to admit most of them I didn't really care very much about i just thought they looked prutty.


I don't check in with anyone , personal privacy is very important to me .


I can only imagine all our moms went through a lot of pain to bear us in an odd sort of way i kinda feel guilty about it


As for the idea of legacy it seems pretty pretentious to me . Really when i'am gone I'am gone and I'am ok with that I have no desire to leave anything behind me but possibly debt .
These are all personal opinions mind you . I'am only trying to understand why people choose to have kids when it seems like a lot of work and pressure to me and why people who are in love(whatever that is ) choose to get married . As for biological nature there is nothing natural about monogamy for the vast majority of animals their mate changes every year , seems a lot more interesting to me .

these answers make it reasonably clear to me why you don't think much of love. You simply can't understand it. You're selfish, and lack empathy. I mean no offence by this observation, but it's the truth.

 

[SwitSof]

so can children

Not to the point it can disfigure you though...

 

[hermanntrude]

depends how old the child is and how angry it is.