Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
Favorite quotes
- Thread starter peapod
- Start date
When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!" Them I drive them out into the desert where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life.
"When I was a kid, my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear."
Jack handey-- deep thoughts
Jack handey-- deep thoughts
Vanni Fucci said:
:lol: :lol: :lol: This guy is a genius; I can't believe I wasn't aware of this material. Quality. I love the 'matter of factness.' 8)
"I bet if you were in some old west gang, and you were dragging a guy along the ground with your horse, It'd probably make you really mad to look back and see him reading a magazine."
Stop it, man; I can't breath. :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!" :lol: :lol: :lol:
"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!" :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: 8)
I'm going to interject at this point, with a Tommy Cooper gag:
"Isn't funny how, if you're in a library and you go 'Aaarghhh!!!', people just stop and stare at you, but if you do it on an aeroplane, they join in?"
I'm going to interject at this point, with a Tommy Cooper gag:
"Isn't funny how, if you're in a library and you go 'Aaarghhh!!!', people just stop and stare at you, but if you do it on an aeroplane, they join in?"
You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
-- Jack (Can't Get Enough of This Guy) Handey
-- Jack (Can't Get Enough of This Guy) Handey
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
-- Jack Handey
Ok...that's enough of him...
-- Jack Handey
Ok...that's enough of him...
so you are the boss around here now eh? how conservative of you :twisted:
"The reason I enjoy the home shopping
network so much is that they never
interupt their shows with commercials."
galaniomama--deep thoughts
"The reason I enjoy the home shopping
network so much is that they never
interupt their shows with commercials."
galaniomama--deep thoughts
Oh don't pout, Pea...:binky:
I didn't mean that you shouldn't post any more Jack Handey quotes...I meant that it was enough for me... :wink:
I didn't mean that you shouldn't post any more Jack Handey quotes...I meant that it was enough for me... :wink:
I never pout...cut you off at the knees, sure...but pout...wait a second I like muching on a baby soother...really its like one of those stress ball you squeeze..sorta but you chew instead of squeeze.
"We known ourselves to be made from this earth.
We know this earth is made from our bodies. For we see ourselves.
And we are nature. We are nature seeing nature.
We are nature with a concept of nature. Nature weeping.
Nature speaking of nature to nature."
Susan Griffin
"We known ourselves to be made from this earth.
We know this earth is made from our bodies. For we see ourselves.
And we are nature. We are nature seeing nature.
We are nature with a concept of nature. Nature weeping.
Nature speaking of nature to nature."
Susan Griffin
"Not one cent for scenery."
--- U.S. Representative JOSEPH G. CANNON (1836-1926), squelching a request for funds for some modest Federal undertaking in conservation.
:roll: No change, there, then.
--- U.S. Representative JOSEPH G. CANNON (1836-1926), squelching a request for funds for some modest Federal undertaking in conservation.
:roll: No change, there, then.
"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, 'Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients', but the another kept reminding me, 'Howard, you are a veterinarian!'"
Dick Wilson
Dick Wilson
"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world."
Shaw
Shaw
"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men."
Zora Neale Hurston.
Zora Neale Hurston.
Nice big H.
A thing of beauty is a joy for ever: Its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness; but still will keep A bower quiet for us, and a sleep, full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Keats
A thing of beauty is a joy for ever: Its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness; but still will keep A bower quiet for us, and a sleep, full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Keats