Eulogy for a Friend

[Colpy]

This is the eulogy I gave yesterday for my good friend, who died from pancreatic cancer at the age of 51. I don't kow why I'm putting it here, maybe I'd just like more people to know him, and to be sorry he is gone.

Ronnie McKay was my friend.

I remember when I met Ronnie. I was walking down Mount Pleasant Avenue, and Ronnie was there with another friend of mine. It was 1969, we were 15 years old, and Ron was the coolest of the cool. I remember how he looked. Long, thick black hair, long black coat, shirt open at the neck, jeans over riding boots. He was a cross between Clint Eastwood and the Fonz. I wondered "Who IS this guy?" I soon found out.

There are some people you meet that are special, that instantly become part of your life. It was like that with Ron. Soon after we met, we became inseparable. We clicked. For the rest of his life, Ronnie was a part of my life. We did a lot together. We hitch hiked together, we laughed together, we played endless games of chess together. Ronnie was there when I met my wife, he spent a couple of weeks in the woods with me helping me rebuild my camp, he was there when I shot my first deer, he was there through the best times I had. There are few people that know you as well as those friends you grew up with.

I remember then, when we were very young, how much I loved his company. In fact, a few times, I would sneak out of my parents house, and we would walk around all night, until after the sun came up, just shooting the breeze and enjoying each others company. My poor parents must have wondered what we were up to, but the truth is, we were causing absolutely no trouble, Even as a young teenager, causing trouble was simply not in Ronnie's character.

I soon discovered how much more there was to Ron than cool. He was brilliant. He loved books. Especially books on history. This was something I shared with Ron, and we spent countless hours
discussing the character of Napolean Bonaparte, or Winston Churchill, or the ancient peoples of South America. Ronnie knew about a lot of things. He educated himself, and he did a pretty good job of it.

Ronnie was a poet at heart. He wrote wonderful poetry. He used it to express his feelings about his friends, his life, his family. He amazed his high school English teacher, and those who knew
him. I know any of you that have lines he wrote will treasure them.

And music. Ronnie loved music. He wrote songs, and he put them to music. He loved ballads, and I loved hearing his music, on the few occassions he would play his songs in front of anyone. I
remember him sitting at the camp playing his ballad "Strawberry Roan", and it was beautiful.

I can't say we always agreed on music. When he was young, Ron's taste ran to Neil Diamond. Mine ran to Led Zeppelin. We spent a lot of time at my parent's house, and I played Zepplin One over
and over and over again. Ron couldn't stand it, and suddenly I couldn't find my album. It had disappeared. The mystery was solved suddenly when, by accident, I found the missing album tucked carefully under the carpet by the stereo. I had no doubt who the culprit was.....and from then we said music we didn't like belonged "under the carpet".

Ron had a wonderful sense of humor. He looked at things with a slightly different eye. He was perhaps, a little cynical, but never, never petty or vicious. Like him, his humour was gentle.

He saw the humour in almost anything. I remember talking about old movies with Ron, specifically the old western "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly". "Yeah", Ronnie said, "they killed the Bad,
then they were just good and ugly."

I remember I used to drag Ronnie off to the woods. I took him hunting a few times, but it was never his thing. But he came, sometimes I think just to keep me company. I remember once we
were in Albert County, and we got soaking wet walking through the trees. So, at noon, I lent Ronnie a pair of my grandfather's old wool pants. Now, one thing Ronnie never was, is tall. But
those pants didn't even reach his ankles. Ronnie didn't mind, in fact he loved it. He walked around with his chest stuck out all afternoon.

Ronnie's life wasn't easy though. There was something in him that would not leave him at peace. For awhile, I lost contact with him, as he battled, and lost for a time, a fight within his own
mind. I can't begin to imagine what he had to deal with. I watched as he slipped into despair and paranoia. I could do nothing. His family could do nothing. He withdrew into himself, and lost himself inside his own mind. He became a lone soul fighting a loosing battle, and he withdrew from his friends. He slipped away from us. We didn't see him for years. It was his
family that helped him, getting him treatment and hospitalization.

But Ronnie wasn't gone. He came back. The story is that Ronnie was recovering, and beginning to feel much better in hospital. One day he was in the hallway, smoking and talking with a visitor,
when two trainee nurses stopped close by. One nurse says to the other, "I'm surprized to see you here". The other replies "Oh, I'm here for orientation" The light came on in Ronnie's eyes. "That's funny" he called out "I'm here for disorientation"

Welcome back Ronnie.

Ronnie faced his illness with a courage, and a determination, that left me in awe. He was determined to be independent, he was stubborn as a mule, and woe to the person that tried to
control him, to talk down to him, to make him be what they thought he should be. He kept his illness in check largely with a mental self discipline that I can only admire. Yet, as his
friend Darlene said to me on the day he died, he was never, never bitter. It wasn't in his character. And he could always, always laugh at himself.

A final story. I remember when Ronnie lived in a nice little apartment off of Spruce Street. I went to visit him. He complained that he seemed to have developed a thing for paper products. "What do you mean?" I asked, so opened his closet door, and the entire closet was jammed, floor to ceiling, with rolls of toilet paper. I looked at him, he looked at me, grinned, and we lost it. We both laughed until we couldn't stand up.

Ronnie McKay was many things. He was courageous. He was intelligent. He was incredibly funny. He was immensely talented. He was great company, and he was as good, and as true a friend as any person could hope for. I was priviledged to know him, and to call him my friend.

I hope, I pray, I know he has found peace.

Thank you.

 

[Sassylassie]

That was a lovely tribute to your friend "Ronnie". I'm very sorry for you loss. I have lost a Grand Mother, Cherished Friend,Family Pet and my Father, all to cancer in the past six years. You have my deepest sympathies Colpy.

God Bless.

 

[Curiosity]

Colpy

I love to read your posts on this forum. Twice you have had me in tears - good tears and joy at reading the posts I most remember: One was about your pets and your love for them....the other was the one I just finished. So beautiful and haunting too.

Your friend was fortunate in knowing you - often mental illness will arrive just as a young man is turning the corner into adulthood - when his world should be opening up (because many people who are plagued with mental illness are unusually bright as well)... and they are so full of possibilities and gifts - to be cut down at the beginning....

But to emerge from the strange shadows to beat the cruelty of his disability - is a victory in itself - for many do not come back - and if they do, they are cautious and self-protective and never seem to reach their potential. It seems your friend and his wonderful gift of self criticism and humor probably made his life bearable when he found fun in the silly/strange behavior of his illness - rather than terror and embarrassment.

You have lost your friend - the good die young as the song goes - but you will keep him alive for those who knew him with your beautiful words. He was the kind of guy most of us would love to have known and had as a friend. Thank you for telling us about him.

And to Ronnie - the angels are gonna love you!

 

[Toro]

So Sorry Colpy.

I know how you feel. I've had two friends die of cancer over the past few years, one 48, another 36, both cut down in the prime of their lives.

 

[Jay]

Thanks for sharing that with us, Colpy. So sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[zoofer]

Colpy. .........

 

[cortez]

Pancreatic cancer is a terrible disease which has struck my family. Great eulogy.

 

[I think not]

My condolonces Colpy, I know the feeling.

 

[diaeagle]

im too sorry for you coply....but there are thousands of people diad since of cancer..... youngs...babyes....men..women...and so..

but i think you can hope for him the heaven....coply

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

It is difficult to sum ones memory up in a few hundred words. My condolences.

 

[FiveParadox]

Response to Eulogy

You wrote a beautiful eulogy, Colpy.

Cancer is not a good thing in the least.

This eulogy kind of hit home for me. Sorry for your loss, Colpy.

He sounds like he was a really nice guy.

 

[GreenGreta]

That was very beautifully written and as you'd hoped, I do feel as I know him a little. Sounds like he was a wonderful friend. (as are you). And for the record, anything by the Eagles belongs under the carpet. (I like the saying, may I use?)

I hate to do this in your lovely thread Colpy, I'm sorry but....

im too sorry for you coply....but there are thousands of people diad since of cancer..... youngs...babyes....men..women...and so..

but i think you can hope for him the heaven....coply

I don't mean to be a bitch but who say's "I'm sorry, but other people have died" what a prick. If you can't give a sincere condolence than shut the f*ck up. You know what, all of us are happier, richer and in a better position than at least 60% of the planet. But when my mom dies, it hurts, when I lose my job it hurts, when my kids are sick, it hurts. No one cares about how other people have done it too, they are doing it NOW and IT HURTS. Diaeagle, your village called and they are missing their idiot.

Some of the new people on here are just blinkin a-holes.

 

[Retired_Can_Soldier]

Hey Green Greta. Are you sure that diaeagles post wasn't just poor english?

 

[Sassylassie]

That's how I read his post to RCS. It's okay Green Greta a few of us have had melt downs lately because of the strange going-ons here on CC.

 

[diaeagle]

thank you Green Greta for your hurt....... but i think when you want to tell us about any of your observation you must more polite ...........

and about for my post im sorry for it.... may be i have more words in my heart of condolences but my langauge doesnt help me to declare it.......
so if there are hurts in my word im so sorry for that COPLY.....

 

[GreenGreta]

In any language, in broken English, it is bad manners to say in a condolence note, I'm sorry but other people have died the same way. Everyone has died the way someone has died.

He could just have said "I too am sorry for you Colpy" and stopped there. Why the further note about how others have died the same way? It's just poor manners not poor English. However, dia, if I hurt you, my apologies.

I receive my medals for telling the truth whether it hurts or not, ask any of my friends. Course, most of them hate me, but ....

 

[diaeagle]

thank you alot GREEN GRETA ..... but may be i have wronge way when i trying collect my little words in any onther language so when i tell you im sorry i mean that... not to argue with you.... please just trying to think how i tired when i write one paragraph so you can help me without make from any mistake big story ....
and if you have a medel... you must tell the truth with some of kindness...and the truth stay truth....
but if you see there are some people who have broken enghlish mustnt be here just tell me.... and note that i have the first time enter enghlish forum.......

 

[Socrates the Greek]

This is the eulogy I gave yesterday for my good friend, who died from pancreatic cancer at the age of 51. I don't kow why I'm putting it here, maybe I'd just like more people to know him, and to be sorry he is gone.

God bless his soul...........and may God forgive him......
:-(

 

[L Gilbert]

Sorry you lost someone close, Colpy.