Assumptions

[Haggis McBagpipe]

Aside from writing well or not, are there phrases, nuances, tones, whatever, that women, not men, use? And vice versa? What, for example, makes you all assume I am a man? Is it the way I write? The words I use? What makes you assume Research is a man, not a woman? And American Voice? Etc.? What is it we do/say/write that identifies our sex when we are not visible and/or have not stated our sex?

 

[Diamond Sun]

Perhaps the tone of the writing. Very strong and opinionated writing tends to gravitate towards males while women write softer and more balanced. Maybe?

 

[researchok]

Not always, DS.

The women I work with and others I know do write very opinionated and strongly worded essays/reports.

But in general, Id have to agree. Women tend to be more descriptive and nuanced.

Men tend to be more graphic and direct.

 

[American Voice]

I am a male. I believe it is crucial in this medium to be as forthcoming as is prudent, and to leave as little to the imagination as is necessary. Otherwise, this medium, lacking conventional, physical cues, cannot but fail as a quasi-social medium, and will become the stalking-ground of the eagerly, overly imaginative. MSN has a reputation for being the medium of--excuse my French--dirty talk and masturbation. It might be a hybrid of the telephone and the typewriter, but it has become the modus operandus of the voyeur and the sadist. Can the internet be claimed for good?

 

[Diamond Sun]

I have met some very wonderful people via the internet, and similarily I have met some very not wonderful people. I think it's up to us as individuals to trust our gut on what people are saying, and obviously never to meet in a dark alley.

 

[researchok]

Just let common sense prevail, as with all things.

The internet is like a bar, church or anywhere else.

 

[Haggis McBagpipe]

To state one's gender sometimes sets off small but unmistakeable changes in the way people act.

As with so much that is anonymous about this form of interaction, anonymous gender simply means being treated as a person, rather than as a man or woman (with all the flirtations, et al, that go with it).

So then, is it wrong to allow others to make assumptions about gender? About appearance? About employment? About social status?

 

[researchok]

Wrong?

Isnt that more of a personality thing-- the inquisitiveness?

 

[American Voice]

Is it wrong to force others to make assumptions? I think it is discourteous, and manifests a lack of respect. Relationships are founded on honesty and respect. It's hard enough when we are face-to-face. Deprived of the normal physical cues, it becomes irrational. The technology has outstripped our capacity for adaptation.

 

[researchok]

Assumptions are rarely forced.

We make them om our own.

As for technology, we adapt-- its not a substitute for real interaction-- just another form.

 

[Haggis McBagpipe]

Is it wrong to force others to make assumptions? I think it is discourteous, and manifests a lack of respect. Relationships are founded on honesty and respect. It's hard enough when we are face-to-face. Deprived of the normal physical cues, it becomes irrational. The technology has outstripped our capacity for adaptation.

Is it wrong that you 'force' me to make assumptions about your appearance? No.

I don't feel even the slightest inclination or interest in the gender/sexual preference/appearance/whatever of anybody on this or other forums. I like meeting the minds, the other is completely irrelevant.

 

[researchok]

succinctly put.

 

[American Voice]

I don't know, I am endlessly curious about those things. It's just instinct. I'm an extravert. I'm a social person. This is an exotic environment for me. I find the personalities I encounter here engaging, some of them, but it's like groping in darkness when one attempts to relate to it as a social phenomenon. Brave new world, that's as much as I can say.

 

[peapod]

posting deleted

 

[American Voice]

Brava, Peapod. In other words, sometimes it can get really complicated.

 

[peapod]

To "flood" a thread is an imposition on the group, like two people monopolizing the dining room at a dinner party. Take the conversation out onto the porch. That's what PM means to me. If it's comfortable, chat is like a date--private conversation across a booth table, that's all. No one learns social skills on the internet, but can mature social skills be pressed through the wire? That's the issue here.

You have made good points here, AV. The only thing I'd wonder about is this, a forum is, for many, a rather time-consuming habit. To quickly post on the forum is one thing, but to get caught up with private messaging to even a few members could push one's forum usage right out of sight.

I think the occasional bantering back and forth is fun and not particularly unpleasant for 'bystanders', as it were, and in keeping with your analogy of the dinner party, often the most enjoyable parties do involve a short session of two people running a bit of an amusing tete a tete.

So, I think you're partially right, but I also think things are going swimmingly on this forum, don't you? I wouldn't want to see restrictions on such momentary diversions to which you refer. At the risk of sounding a bit maudlin, I seriously do feel enriched for the pleasure of getting to know you all.

I agree haggis and well said.

 

[American Voice]

A very large part of getting to know people is being sensitive to what people are comfortable with, and that varies from person to person.

As for the monthly usage, yes, that's a good point. Before I got involved here, my normal monthly usage was 80 to 90 hours. My price plan gave me an allotment of 150 hours, for $16.95 USD a month. When I saw how my usage was increasing, I ordered a change in plans. Beginning on July 12, I will have unlimited hours for $21.95 a month. The problem is it's July 2, and I have about 27 hours left now. The penalty for exceeding the allotment is $.99 per hour, any fraction of an hour being billed as an entire hour. I may be an American, but I'm not a rich one.

As for the social nature of the forums, I agree, that is, indeed, the charm. There are those times, though, when private dialogues interrupt a thread, and isn't that what the PM is for, i.e., to avoid the accumulation of posts that are extraneous to any thread?

But again, there's the comfort level, or comfort zone thing. Personally, I wouldn't post anything on a PM that I wouldn't post on a forum thread. To me it's just considerate to take an aside with someone, when it's called for.

The forum games are a good example. Answer the Question? Do you pause before posing a question, and ask yourself is it a question you yourself would feel comfortable with answering? The political forums at times are little more than shouting matches. The chit/chat are, as a rule, civil and reasonable. But I think the heart and soul are the games. People are honest, and treat one another with respect. There is clearly a lot of trust. Without trust, without that certain precious naivete, the games would falter and die. Let's see, we got honesty, respect, trust--hey, isn't that called love? In the very best sense of the word, is this a Christian forum?

 

[Haggis McBagpipe]

>>Personally, I wouldn't post anything on a PM that I wouldn't post on a forum thread.

Just as I would never post publicly what someone has told me privately. It is an invasion of privacy and always inappropriate. The term 'private message' is called 'private' for a reason.

>>Without trust, without that certain precious naivete, the games would falter and die.

Why? The games are in fun, pure and simple. Do you feel there is a trust 'issue', then? In what way?

>>hey, isn't that called love? In the very best sense of the word, is this a Christian forum?

I most profoundly hope this is not a Christian forum. If so, I would not consider staying.

 

[Diamond Sun]

I think why chat rooms and forums have become so popular is because of the essence of anonymity. People can really let themselves just be who they are because if someone so chooses to judge you then you just move on to another forum, or another chat buddy.

The internet is a vast place full of many amazing types of people. I can say things in these forums that I can't say to people I know. I think its fantastic that you can go on here and be talking to someone who might just work in the cubicle next to you, but you'd never know because they share things with strangers that they might never share with you.

So, I think forums are all about taking the thread where it wanders to. They're about opinions and discussion, and yes, they are about assumptions.

Tell me your assumptions about me? Am I educated? Am I happy? What kind of work do you think I do? How tall am I? Am I religious?

All these things make up who I am, but they don't seem necessary to share on a board in order for my thoughts to be valid to you.

Welcome to the internet AV. I love it here!

 

[American Voice]

DS, you have revealed numerous details about yourself in the course of the games. Self-revelation is what those are all about.

Haggis, I made an allusion to something in a PM. If you hadn't called attention to the fact, no one would have guessed. It was an "inside" remark. I will have to remember your sensitivity about that. If I gave offense, I do apologize. It was not intentional.

"Tell me your assumptions about me? Am I educated? Am I happy? What kind of work do you think I do? How tall am I? Am I religious?"

Are you educated? You have at least a bachelor's degree in engineering. Given how you write, I think you do a lot of reading. I'd say Yes.

Are you happy? I like the first line from "Anna Karenina," by Tolstoy. "All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Are you happy? I think there are things you worry about, and some things you wish were different, but I also think you have the capacity for happiness, and you are as happy as you make up your mind to be. I believe your childhood was a happy one.

What kind of work do you do? Well, you trained as an engineer, but what your occupation is, I don't believe that's ever come up.

How tall are you? Haven't a clue.

Are you religious? I think you were raised in a religion, that is to say, your parents belonged to a congregation, and you were raised in that. I'm thinking in terms of an analogy with my having been raised a Catholic. You maybe think about it from time to time, but you aren't actively involved. It was a formative influence inyour life, but you don't profess it.

How close did I come on any of them?