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I don't know what that means. What I do know is that if I go jogging in the condition you see me in those pictures I might end up bruising my belly with that thing flapping up and down.

I know. I need to do a bit of jogging or something, but I can never be bothered. It's furlough belly.

That's me late at night and first thing in the morning. And I've provided photographic evidence to prove it.

Jeremy Clarkson mocks Meghan Markle on his new ITV show: "There was a moment where Meghan Markle seemed to - how can I put this politely - break wind." The show runs a clip of Meghan discussing a time after her wedding to Prince Harry and Oprah responding. "Sorry, can we just hear that again...

2021 Boat Race: Cambridge beat Oxford in both men's and women's races BBC Sport Sunday 4th April 2021 Winning time: 14 mins 10 secs Overall wins: 85 80 1 dead heat: 1877 Cambridge continued their recent dominance of the Boat Race, winning both the men's and women's contests in...

I've still not even had the vaccine yet.

"During their annual meeting, the members of the World Anti-Cress Society weren't too happy when they saw what was for lunch in the canteen."

To most of humanity, 4/3/21 is 4th March.

I pray that the world doesn't end yesterday.

They're Chinese-made robots, so they'll work for about 5 minutes before they break down.

"Is President Harris attending the wake?"

Gorillaz ft Schoolboy Q - "Pac-Man" (2020)

They do say dogs look like their owners.

RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Surely in our sophisticated information age, no one could be tricked by obvious stunts... yet we are taken for April Fools every day By RICHARD LITTLEJOHN FOR THE DAILY MAIL 2 April 2021 We've come a long way since the Spaghetti Harvest spoof. On April 1, 1957, the BBC's...

Burrowing rabbits dig up 9,000-year-old tools used to skin seals and Bronze Age pottery on remote Welsh island that would otherwise never been discovered Wardens on Skokholm stumbled across a rabbit hole near their cottage The rabbits had unearthed a 'bevelled pebble' used to skin seals in the...

Now the police are breaking up Good Friday services The cops’ invasion of a Polish Catholic mass in South London is genuinely chilling. BRENDAN O'NEILL EDITOR Spiked 3rd April 2021 There have been many shocking and even despicable acts of authoritarianism over this past year of lockdown. And...

Norfolk: 'Elephant and castle' gold seal only third found BBC News Sunday 4th April 2021 The elephant is carved on to a gemstone, which experts believe is probably a carnelian A medieval gold seal which shows an elephant carrying a castle on its back has become only the third of its kind...

It's not the size that matters. It's what you do with it that counts.

HERO 👏 God Bless Our Queen 94 👑 On Easter 🐣 Sunday ❤️ New Pics With Prince Charles