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Police couldn’t help his grandmother in hurricane. He called Papa John’s instead. By Katie Mettler October 13 Eric Olsen watched with anxiety from Nebraska as Hurricane Matthew — declared the most dangerous storm to ever approach central Florida — loomed along the eastern United States...

Like so many do following a breakup, a shirtless Erdogan Ceren sat on the edge of his bed, crying. Though the 22-year-old was alone in his bedroom in the Osmaniye Province in southern Turkey on Monday, any one of Facebook’s 1.23 billion users could have seen him. That’s what Ceren sought: he...

So, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Bill Cosby walk into a bar. . .

That ain't "Paris heist" inspired. That's Saturday night at home with Kanye.

This is the first time in American history that the two candidates for President are so widely detested that a write-in campaign, launched a mere four weeks before the election, can go viral and actually win the White House. So. . . Ladies and gentlemen, and CanCon participants, I invite you...

Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin says all faiths, not just Christians, should observe ‘Oilfield Prayer Day’ By Derek Hawkins October 11 Oklahoma’s oil and gas sector, one of the biggest in the country, is in bad shape. So bad that the state’s governor has called for divine intervention. Falling...

You think Amazon doesn't have physical facilities?

What's Lenny the Goat's Ph.D. in? Since he thinks that people can be "allowed" and "not allowed" to hold public office, I'll assume it's not Political Science, American History, or law.

Those Muzzies are probably Brits. And when one says "Brits are retarded," one is including all subsets of Brits within the set of Brits. Welcome to Remedial Logic 001.

Sure it wasn't a ghost spotted in Buggery Castle in Pisspuddle, Dungshire?

Brits are retarded. As is evidenced by the fact they think that's a burqa.

Oh, noes! We have to BAN this! It could cause people to start taking drugs! That would be terrible!

-wqOApBLPio I don't know anything about Blunt or Kander besides the fact Blunt is Republican and got three draft deferments to stay out of Vietnam and Kander is a Democrat who served in Afghanistan, and that Blunt (and the NRA) bash Kander for supporting background checks. This is the best...

‘I will NOT wear a hijab’: U.S. chess star refuses to attend world championships in Iran By Cleve R. Wootson Jr. October 6 As one of the most successful women to ever play the male-dominated game of chess, Nazi Paikidze is used to having her moves watched closely. Her latest has drawn...

No need to watch it now. . . The GOP declares debate victory for Mike Pence, 90 minutes before it starts By Philip Bump October 4 Our sincere congratulations to Republican vice-presidential candidate Mike Pence, who, according to the Republican Party, has emerged victorious in the sole...

‘The only reason I am alive is the fact that the abortionist had not yet arrived at work’ By Lindsey Bever September 30 Twelve months ago, Gianna Jessen testified against Planned Parenthood, saying during a congressional hearing that her biological mother was seven and a half months...

OK, maybe not so great. Still, Trump smoked the bitch! Trump! TRUMP! TRUMP!!!

Here are seven steps you can take to maximize your chances of survival in a time of random terrorist attacks. 1. Eat well. 2. Take moderate exercise daily. 3. Don't smoke. 4. Drink in moderation. 5. Don't speed. 6. Wear seatbelts. 7. Pay full attention to your driving.

They're all GMO. Four thousand years of research and modification by Indian scientists.

Nah, the Wa-Na-Bes. And Cliffy'll be the Big Chief.