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I'M a ROCKET MAN!!

I don't find this thread to be funny at all. Just recently I sat my immediate family down and broke the news. After 55 years of living a lie, I'm now going to be my true self and i am identifying as a house plant. From now on, you can all address me as 'Fern'. Thank you for your...

My young teenage daughters were distressed that Instagram was down. I told them...."You know what i had when I was your age? Do ya!? BALL IN A CUP!!! !

Hey Dudes and Dudettes! It's Flame Out here! What a gnarley thread!!! Smokin weed is the best thing I ever did. Righteous!! I haven't worked in 30 years. In fact, I consider rolling my joints...licking them...then smokin them to be a triathlon! I use the envelopes from my welfare. cheques to...

Maybe offer an olive branch. Invite the upstairs neighbors to a Beatnik Night Party at your apartment. You could play the bongos while that loud fat kid does an interpretive dance. That way you'd both get it out of your system.

"I'll be playing a closet door bongo solo and it won't just be for a few seconds, I'll pound away on the f*cker until I get tired." I'm not so sure if masturbating will solve the problem.

The Internet never forgives, but I'm still a big believer in second chances. We're all f*cked up sometimes and we're all beautiful on any given day. I cannot undue my past, but I can promise to be better tomorrow. In this moment. the whole world is LIT in my mind. I have no idea what will...

Okay. I'll stop f*cking around and just cut to the chase...;)

You're under the gun so you take it on the run.

I really like Jagmeet Singh, but his big orange turban last night made him look like a giant H B pencil.

"It’s a pity that their stupidity keeps on giving." Hey BOOMer, The Mothership will pick you up at the usual co-ordinates. (And that's coming from ME...consider the source.)

Whenever a popular porn star dies, I leave my blue jean's zipper at half mast.

I don't feel like dancing...

taxslave, No. I'm not into sadfishing, and I will not take my own life. I'm just confused in this moment. I walk out the front door and feel like the whole world is coming at me. I still have insight...for now. It's my schizophrenic 'delusions of reference' and 'delusions of persecution.' I...

taxslave, I've been on a suicide mission pretty much my whole adult life...not caring what I said or whose feelings i hurt. I apologize...I was only ever angry at myself, but I've never had the guts to off myself. But I welcome death. If someone jumps out of the pack and takes me out, so be...

Facebook is the one place where you can meet all of the people you've purposely ignored your whole life...all on one page. Twitter is the same 800 or so shut ins projecting and feeding off of each other's stupidity. I'm not done...just need to sink another drink to give me time to think. Cause...

I'm just the Messenger in all of this, folks...