Your 15 year old daughter commits suicide- You question - Why
- Thread starter Goober
- Start date
Ok...I never told my boys "rape is bad", what I did tell them was "no meant no" and I didn't care if she was spread eagle naked in the bed or if they were in mid stroke. If she said no, then that was the end of it. I let them know, in no uncertain terms, that if I ever heard of them doing more than "allowed", taking advantage of a situation or raising their hand against a female for ANY REASON they would be singing soprano for the rest of their lives. No excuses, no "ya but's".
When they started going to party's and then when they started dating, this was reiterated and they were told that if anything went down that they weren't comfortable with they were to call. They were told that whom ever they went to that party with or went out with that they were responsible for each other no matter what and they were to call if needed. They were to watch each others back, and they had damn well better do exactly that.
As teens, they didn't go to party's that did not have parents present and we verified that the parents would be there.
The above only touches on what a parent is responsible for ensuring. If any of it was missed then the parents were "remiss" in their duties.
I get what you're saying Gerry, but I was speaking less about the actual rapists, and more about the other kids who were involved in the resulting bullying. The kids who either participated in attacking her for it, or ignored it when they saw it happening. Did you ever think you needed to sit your sons down and point blank explain 'if a girl gets raped and you find out, you should try to get her help.'
Sometimes despite a parents best efforts the kid could wind up being a screwed up adult. Take Ted Bundy for example. I dont think what he did has anything to do with how he was raised. Even he admitted to that and said he had a great childhood and good parents. No parent can watch their kids 24 hours a day which is probably what it would take to keep them completely out of trouble.
As for the thread topic - I hope never to find out first hand. Ive known one person who committed suicide and had no idea anything was wrong with him. Though in hindsight the evidence was plain to see. As far as I know he didnt seek much help. This girl did seek help and put a lot of effort into trying to get some sort of normal life and it still wound up not being enough. That makes it that much worse.
True. When I was in high school I got my girlfriend pregnant. She wound up having a miscarriage at 14 weeks. My parents had no idea. I didnt speak of it at all for nearly five years. I didnt really put any effort into hiding what was going on. I just never brought it up.
I imagine all are 'remiss' at one point or another. Parents are still human. I know of no one who is or was a perfect parent. I doubt such a person has ever existed.
Like I said Karrie
Sorry, I am not about to go into detail on here. Been there, done that, won't any more. I just touched on what I have discussed with my son's and daughters before ALLOWING them into the "world".
Let's just say that there are some people on here, you, Bear, SLM, petros, etc that I'm not concerned about hearing about their kids in the papers. There are a few that I would be concerned if I knew 100% that they did or did not have kids.
What I end up wondering is, do parents not discuss these things with their kids when it's running rampant through the news? I can recall having discussions with my son (my daughter was too young at the time) about Columbine when it occurred. Not in the "sit you down and have a talk with you" kind of way, but as a relevant (to his age group) current event. And every time we would discuss these news stories, it would inevitably roll around to 'what the kids themselves are discussing'.
So what's most obvious to me is that, even if it wouldn't occur to anyone to sit their kids down and pointedly discuss what to do in these kind of circumstances before, it should really be a topic of conversation now between parents and their children. Because I can guarantee that kids are discussing it and what they need most right now is adult perspective and intervention.
Question - When teens act as they have done in this case do you lay the fault at the parents feet?
Violence and abuse seem to be such a mainstream part of society now when you look at popular culture, we should be surprised, shocked and disgusted by events like this but for too many people I think it's becoming almost normal behavior. There needs to be a change in how we treat violence and abuse across society, not just in "special" cases.
That's why active dialogue with your kids is so important. Not necessarily in a "come and sit down I want to talk to you" kind of way, but just in keeping discussions going. You can't shelter your kids from the entire world, much as some may wish to, so give kids some context on what they're exposed to.
I have no clue really. Wild parties happened when I was in school, I'm sure things like what we've been reading about occurred then as well. But no one had cell phones to video the event, there was no place to upload pictures, it could probably be kept somewhat quieter, and that can both be a good thing and a bad thing.
If they weren't talking to their kids about this before, I would hope like hell they'd be talking to them after.