In fairness, I don't think it's plain and simple all the time. Fear, embarassment and economic realities make it complicated even when you take "but I love him" out of the picture. I still feel women should leave, but I don't judge them so harshly anymore. I was absolutely shocked when one of my best friends told me her ex-husband was abusive. She was the last person I'd expect to put up with that kind of thing. She said it wasn't until she was in nursing school learning about domestic violence that she even realized she was in such a dysfunctional relationship. It really was a cycle she got sucked into. Fortunately she did realize it and she did leave, but leaving comes with its own threats. It's the most dangerous time in any abusive relationship because it's when most abusers kill their victims. The threats they make aren't always empty. He continued to threaten and stalk her after she left, even turning up at her mom's place a few times despite the restraining orders. She finally left the city to end it.
Why do women allow crime on the streets?
- Thread starter dumpthemonarchy
- Start date
In fairness, I don't think it's plain and simple all the time. Fear, embarassment and economic realities make it complicated even when you take "but I love him" out of the picture. I still feel women should leave, but I don't judge them so harshly anymore. I was absolutely shocked when one of my best friends told me her ex-husband was abusive. She was the last person I'd expect to put up with that kind of thing. She said it wasn't until she was in nursing school learning about domestic violence that she even realized she was in such a dysfunctional relationship. It really was a cycle she got sucked into. Fortunately she did realize it and she did leave, but leaving comes with its own threats. It's the most dangerous time in any abusive relationship because it's when most abusers kill their victims. The threats they make aren't always empty. He continued to threaten and stalk her after she left, even turning up at her mom's place a few times despite the restraining orders. She finally left the city to end it.
Being the youngest of three by a little over seven years I saw a lot.
My older brother and sister were psychologically abused as was my mother, by my father.
At fifteen my brother was thrown out of the house and my sister at seventeen. I learned a lot from what I witnessed i.e., what to do and what not to do and how to stay out of his way.
What made it all the worse is that each of my parents were drinkers. My mother would start in the afternoon and after six P.M. when my father got home it was okay for a while and then the accusations starting flowing from him. She tried to fight back but was constantly threatened with one thing or another.
This went on for seven more years before I left.
She never left him although she had more than enough places that she could go and being college educated a job would not have been a problem for her.
He was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 1989 and died in March 1990. She was by his side the whole time.
Some things you don't get to understand.
oh isn't that the truth eh? Life just doesn't come in a nicely parceled box that keeps all the best things in and all the worst things out.
One of the saddest facts about abusers is that their abuse does not define them entirely - I'm sure your father's death raised many conflicting emotions within your whole family. A loss is in some ways, harder to get through when it's accompanied by incongruent emotions like anger and hurt over things that happened in the past.
I think your family's story is more common that we realize - my mother's family was raised in an almost identical dynamic - and for those of her siblings that didn't find a way to survive emotionally, the upbringing they received was the only thing they could emulate in raising their own children.... and so, on it goes. :-(