So I'm sitting at the kitchen table after supper, reading a really well done fictional reworking of the British Arthurian legend and enjoying a truly splendid cup of coffee from our new espresso maker, and Mrs. Sinister comes in and sits down across the table from me. Today she received a new wireless device from her employer, that provides the functions of a cell phone, text messaging, address book and contact management, email, daily/weekly/monthly/annual planner, and a micro mini weenie pissant computer (yes, a Blackberry) so she was there with the device and the manual for it, trying to figure out how all its functions work. Two people in the same room, doing completely unrelated tasks that require focus and concentration; clearly this is not a situation for idle chit chat.
But she cannot not talk if there's anyone visibly within hearing distance. She reads bits of the manual out loud, she comments on what the device is doing, she makes noises of surprise and pleasure... I'm focused on my book, and a voice impinges on my consciousness but I don't catch the words, so I look up and say "What, I didn't catch that," and she says, 'Oh nothing, just thinking out loud." I go back to my reading, and within 10 seconds the voice breaks my concentration again, and we do another round of "What?" "Oh nothing."
Okay guys, how many rounds of that will you take before you say something like, "If you have nothing to say, stop saying it." My record I think is 12, which I set tonight. I suspect that there are only three things you can do when you're alone in a room with a woman. You can talk to her, feed her, or have sex with her, and you'll almost certainly have to do the first along with the other two. You cannot be alone in a room with a woman and not pay attention to her. You cannot read, you cannot write, you cannot sit and think. You will be interrupted, ceaselessly and pointlessly.
I tested that hypothesis tonight. I left the kitchen, went into the living room, still within hearing distance but out of sight, and she stopped talking. I went back into the kitchen and sat down with my book again, and she started talking about nothing again. Every woman I've ever known has behaved that way: if there's anyone visible within hearing distance, they cannot not talk, even if they have nothing to say.
Ladies, if you have nothing to say, don't say it. Shut up.
But she cannot not talk if there's anyone visibly within hearing distance. She reads bits of the manual out loud, she comments on what the device is doing, she makes noises of surprise and pleasure... I'm focused on my book, and a voice impinges on my consciousness but I don't catch the words, so I look up and say "What, I didn't catch that," and she says, 'Oh nothing, just thinking out loud." I go back to my reading, and within 10 seconds the voice breaks my concentration again, and we do another round of "What?" "Oh nothing."
Okay guys, how many rounds of that will you take before you say something like, "If you have nothing to say, stop saying it." My record I think is 12, which I set tonight. I suspect that there are only three things you can do when you're alone in a room with a woman. You can talk to her, feed her, or have sex with her, and you'll almost certainly have to do the first along with the other two. You cannot be alone in a room with a woman and not pay attention to her. You cannot read, you cannot write, you cannot sit and think. You will be interrupted, ceaselessly and pointlessly.
I tested that hypothesis tonight. I left the kitchen, went into the living room, still within hearing distance but out of sight, and she stopped talking. I went back into the kitchen and sat down with my book again, and she started talking about nothing again. Every woman I've ever known has behaved that way: if there's anyone visible within hearing distance, they cannot not talk, even if they have nothing to say.
Ladies, if you have nothing to say, don't say it. Shut up.
