Just as the popular children's show
Jackanory - in which famous people read stories to the children - now has an adult version,
Crackanory, featuring dark, funny stories for adults read by celebs, so, too, should nursery rhymes have their own darker side....
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...but she didn't wear that one very often
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts shot up its bum
And turned it into nylon
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Said "Sod him, he's only an egg."
Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too...cause he was funny that way
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.
Little Boy Blew.
Hey, he needed the money.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick
Dear oh dear he should have jumped higher
Oh good gracious, great balls of fire
