Relationship is a Mirror

[china]

Relationship Is a Mirror
Surely, only in relationship the process of what I am unfolds, does it not? Relationship is a mirror in which I see myself as I am; but as most of us do not like what we are, we begin to discipline, either positively or negatively, what we perceive in the mirror of relationship. That is, I discover something in relationship, in the action of relationship, and I do not like it. So, I begin to modify what I do not like, what I perceive as being unpleasant. I want to change it—which means I already have a pattern of what I should be. The moment there is a pattern of what I should be, there is no comprehension of what I am. The moment I have a picture of what I want to be, or what I should be, or what I ought not to be—a standard according to which I want to change myself—then, surely, there is no comprehension of what I am at the moment of relationship. We do not want to know what we actually are at a given moment in relationship. If we are concerned merely with self-improvement, there is no comprehension of ourselves, of what is.

 

[Niflmir]

If we only known by the company we keep, then we are never known at all. There is so much about us as people that is never revealed to others. Our private hobbies, our private relationships with others, how we live our day to day lives. I think knowing oneself is a noble endeavor that takes a lifetime. Certainly aspects of ourselves are reflected in relationships, moreover we are creatures able to adapt. Our willingness to change and our ability to deal with new situations is far more telling than habits and patterned behavior.

Then again... some of us never change.

 

[china]

I,m sorry Niflmir that you don't understand myu post .

 

[Niflmir]

I,m sorry Niflmir that you don't understand myu post .

Well, I assumed that you didn't mean some vacuous, all encompassing definition of relationship. Then I merely desired to philosophize with you and pointed out that for some, self enlightenment comes through relationships with others, for others their road lay with self knowledge.

I had merely desired a chat along those lines that day.

 

[hermanntrude]

we should all look in this kind of mirror every day of our lives, especially if we want to be part of a permanant relationship such as marriage. We should know ourselves to become good people.

Of course it's a bit of a catch 22 for some people, as the easiest way to look at oneself is through another's eyes, ie to look into the mirror you speak of, china. But relationships cannot be successful until you know yourself well enough.

 

[china]

Niflmir

self enlightenment comes through relationships with others, for others their road lay with self knowledge.

......and what is the true self comprehention of ourselfs Niflmir ?

 

[Curiosity]

China

I would like to add the word "honest" to self if a relationship is to be reflective. I see it rather than self-improvement but exposure - the courage to expose onself.

Some people do not know how to function in society without the mask - the personae - the right dialogue - the "way" which they believe they must hide behind.

Only when the mask is removed can a relationship be constructed.... on both sides. And thus begins the long journey of "knowing the other in the relationship - thus ultimately knowing oneself".

 

[Niflmir]

Niflmir

self enlightenment comes through relationships with others, for others their road lay with self knowledge.

......and what is the true self comprehention of ourselfs Niflmir ?

Generally a goal and not a realizable state, I would say. Comprehension of something implies to me a state of staticness. Human beings, and sentient entities in general, are anything but static. Sentience is more than interaction, it is self awareness as well. For me life changes with the times, sometimes I learn more about myself from the beauty of crimson roots swaying in a stream than the semi-automated interaction with a clerk. Other days it is the other way around. Awareness of our self awareness is a fickle thing.