New Breakthrough: Semen May Actually Cure Depression In Women

[B00Mer]

New Breakthrough: Semen May Actually Cure Depression In Women

According to some completely scientifically proven, systematically tested and well-researched data, semen can help cure women’s depression. However, said semen has to come from sex; you can’t just go to a sperm bank and fill an Rx. You need to, you know, go to the source. Now, we can’t show you an article full of photos of semen (even though you’d probably like that, you pervert), we’ve used some other images proven to alleviate depression in women as well.

All for science. This study should be taken seriously. Think of all the men who donated their time and…resources to this project for the purpose of science.

Safe sex. Of course, it’s never recommended that you engage in oral sex with someone who hasn’t been tested for STDs. So, for the love of god, go get tested, guys! There are some seriously depressed women out there.

How it works. Semen stimulates the frontal cortex. After completion of oral sex, levels of oxytocin are off the chart. Also, your IQ jumps by 10 points.

Handjobs. Handjobs, on the other hand, make you more depressed. So, stay away from the handies unless you want to stay on that Prozac, girls.

Other benefits of semen. One test subject stated that after performing regular blowies on her boyfriend, she no longer needed to wear contact lenses. “Thanks to my boyfriend’s d, my vision is 20/20,” she said.

What the pharmaceutical industry doesn’t want you to know. So, you might be thinking that this “data” sounds completely made up. Why hasn’t it been published in reputable medical journals?

Pornstars aren’t depressed. When was the last time you saw a pornstar in a commercial for Zoloft or Effexor? Never! Point proven!

Male scientists. Interestingly, the scientists who gathered this data are all male. In fact, they all volunteered to be active participants in the study. Now that’s dedication!

Patient testimony. “My life used to be totally meaningless,” said a patient known only as S.K. “But now, thanks to oral sex, I’ve gone back to grad school.

G.B. “I used to have to take Wellbutrin and Zoloft. Now I just give my boyfriend lots of blowies. Boy, I feel great.”

How do men feel about it? We interviewed one man, Chris, whose girlfriend is being treated for depression. “Well, it’s terribly inconvenient for me to be receiving daily blowjobs. But, I support my girlfriend’s mental health. It’s all about giving.”

Does it work for gay men? We interviewed one gay man, Tim, about whether semen has antidepressant properties. “You guys are a bunch of f*cking idiots.” Thanks, Tim!

 

[Nexopia]

This isn’t a new breakthrough. I can remember studies like this from when I was a teen.

 

[Danbones]

Boomer may be a misogynist who hates trump for being a misogynist
lol

a self hating you...?

 

[Hoof Hearted]

I heard about a study a few years back that said if women ingested semen before getting pregnant, the chances of having a baby with health issues were lower. Something about the woman's body getting used to the semen first, instead of her body just all of a sudden having to adjust to the foreign gel.

It makes a bit of sense to me.

 

[Danbones]

If you look at it that way, I would guess that kids are just infections the old gals' bodies just spit out.

 

[Cliffy]

If you look at it that way, I would guess that kids are just infections the old gals' bodies just spit out.

More like a parasite.

 

[Angstrom]

More like a parasite.

Speak for yourself

 

[spilledthebeer]

Speak for yourself

About 12 years back the Globe and Mail published a report done by British researchers that conclusively proved that there are compounds in the cervix that react with other compounds in semen to produce feelings of good will and euphoria in women- with the caveat that the woman probably must be willing to accept the seminal "donation"- NO Harvey Weinstein type pressures or it doesn't work?

I find it amusing that you can screw her into a good mood....but what REALLY gets me laughing is HOW IN HELL you would test this theory in a legitimate scientific way as these enterprising Brits did? Think about it-you would need some beds, some
mood music, some willing couples.....You would also need to instruct them- after all length of foreplay would affect the results wouldnt it? And would you need to tell them what techniques to use? Oral sex- in or out? Etc? Consistent and verifiable results require consistent scientific methods too?

Can you picture it? A group of bored Brit geeks siting around brainstorming to come up with a new idea for a grant application as their old one is running out? And they go into a govt office and pitch this idea to a bureaucrat- that they want govt money to study how women respond physically and mentally to being exposed to semen?

And the bean counter thinks this is a good idea and NOT some sort of Monty Python skit with a hidden camera? What did they do? Tell the bean counter they would be filming all the `science` and would let him have copies of the `data`?

When those Brits are finished studying the private parts of assorted volunteer women, I suggest we send them to the middle east and let them talk Muslims into laying down their weapons and making peace! Any gang of horny geeks that can talk govt Hogs into PAYING them to snoop into the genitals of horny women could probably produce world peace in a week!

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

Beer has no idea how this kind of research is done. And of course, has never put semen into anything but his hand.

Still, those rocks ain't gonna bang themselves together.

 

[pgs]

There is nothing greater than a drunken sailor . Of course seamen cure depression .

Beer has no idea how this kind of research is done. And of course, has never put semen into anything but his hand.

Still, those rocks ain't gonna bang themselves together.

Semen o never mind .

 

[spilledthebeer]

Beer has no idea how this kind of research is done. And of course, has never put semen into anything but his hand.

Still, those rocks ain't gonna bang themselves together.

Oh my- there is PROOF positive that our T-gurly does not have a sense of humour! REAL MEN recognize rhe Monty Python aspect of a scientific study of how women react to exposure to semen!

 

[Tecumsehsbones]

There's proof the only girlfriend Beer has ever had is Rosie Palm.

 

[avro22]

Is Rosie a lefty?

 

[spilledthebeer]

Is Rosie a lefty?

Poor, poor t-gurly- you have so little to say and say it so poorly too!

Here is something for you to consider- as to why cops will not become obsolete any time soon:


Here is yet another article explaining why cops consider the general public to be potentially explosive loons. With some comments of my own in brackets|):|

Man who didn't get McMuffin reportedly pulls gun in drive-thru

Associated Press. Published: November 2, 2017. Updated: November 2, 2017 9:08 AM EDT. Filed Under: Toronto SUN News. World

WARREN, Ohio — Police in Ohio say they’re looking for a man who pulled out a gun after being told by a McDonald’s drive-thru worker there were no Egg McMuffin sandwiches available.

(Oh? Smoking weed and getting a craving might actually be dangerous after all?)

Police say the incident occurred shortly after 3:30 a.m. Wednesday at a McDonald’s in Warren, about 60 miles (97 kilometres) southeast of Cleveland.

The worker told police that two men inside the car appeared to be around 20 years old. She said the driver called her a vulgar name after pulling out the gun and then cursed at her again before driving away.

Warren police hope to identify the men using surveillance video footage.

(You really have to wonder what such people are thinking? He WAS told none were available but how confused was he? Did the guy think he ordered the McMuffin or not? Do he not ask for it but get confused and think he did? Did he order it and get charged for what he did not receive? Is knucklehead too doped up to read his own receipt? Or count his change and deduce what happened? Pulling a gun in such a situation is a level of madness that is deserving of a massive legal response! Too bad LIE-berals will blow it off with their usual catch and release crap!)

(And in addition, LIE-berals seem puzzled as to why modern kids- who have little hope of ever owning much of anything in our grossly indebted economy- are so restless and unhappy in their McJobs? Can you imagine the squeals of outrage if a civil service Hog had to face a gun when handing out tax forms? And is it not fortunate for LIE-berals that so few kids vote? But that may be changing based on the heckling Our idiot Boy Justin got last year when he went on his “town hall” speaking tour and got an earful from people furious over taxes generally and hydro costs specifically. The silent majority may be awakening- in RAGE?)