Today is the 88th birthday of Her Most Britannic Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.
Born into a small German immigrant family in ancient housing in London, Elizabeth II's father named her after the famous ocean liner in the hope she would fit in better in the family's adopted country. Elizabeth II expressed her desire to be queen from a very early age, persisting despite warnings from her parents that the career was not open to her. This suddenly changed when Elizabeth II's crazy Uncle Eddie backed the wrong horse in Germany, and her father guaranteed her ability to get the job by falling off the perch.
Elizabeth II married His Most Imperial Whatever Philip Battenberg, but refused to change her name, rather insisting that Phil change his. Under the relentless lash of the *****whip, Phil did so, abdicating his own royalty for the title of Wuss Consort. They had four remarkably ugly children, including the man who is likely to be the next Shiny Hat wearer of England, despite his expressed desire to pursue a career in feminine hygiene.
Elizabeth II now has a raft of grandchildren, who spend their days soaking up taxpayer money, and one great-grandchild. It is suspected that now that the eldest son of the eldest son has an eldest son, the other grandchildren may be allowed to breed. This is supported by reports that the Armourer Royal has been ordered to brush up on his lockpicking skills.
On the occasion of her 88th, Elizabeth II's eldest son reportedly said "Will you bloody well die already, you hideous old hag!"
Born into a small German immigrant family in ancient housing in London, Elizabeth II's father named her after the famous ocean liner in the hope she would fit in better in the family's adopted country. Elizabeth II expressed her desire to be queen from a very early age, persisting despite warnings from her parents that the career was not open to her. This suddenly changed when Elizabeth II's crazy Uncle Eddie backed the wrong horse in Germany, and her father guaranteed her ability to get the job by falling off the perch.
Elizabeth II married His Most Imperial Whatever Philip Battenberg, but refused to change her name, rather insisting that Phil change his. Under the relentless lash of the *****whip, Phil did so, abdicating his own royalty for the title of Wuss Consort. They had four remarkably ugly children, including the man who is likely to be the next Shiny Hat wearer of England, despite his expressed desire to pursue a career in feminine hygiene.
Elizabeth II now has a raft of grandchildren, who spend their days soaking up taxpayer money, and one great-grandchild. It is suspected that now that the eldest son of the eldest son has an eldest son, the other grandchildren may be allowed to breed. This is supported by reports that the Armourer Royal has been ordered to brush up on his lockpicking skills.
On the occasion of her 88th, Elizabeth II's eldest son reportedly said "Will you bloody well die already, you hideous old hag!"
