Favorite quotes

[peapod]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I love that guys quotes 8O 8O 8)

"Next thanksgiving, here is a fun trick to play: When the mashed potatoes and turkey are being served, take some of both. But hide your turkey under the mashed potatoes. When your family asks "don't you want some turkey?" pull the turkey out from under the mashed potatoes and yell "I tricked you"!.
Jack handey

 

[Hard-Luck Henry]

I've been reading about William Lyon Mackenzie, and his opposition to the Family Compact:

"Tories! Pensioners! Profligates! Orangemen! Churchmen! Brokers! Gamblers! Parasites! Allow me to congratulate you. Your feet are at last on the people's necks."

A like to hear a spade called a spade. :lol:

 

[peapod]

:lol: :lol: good one henry.

"folks still remember the day bob ridley came bouncing down the dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon it was bouncing higher and higher. The tire popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept on bouncing. Some say it bounced clear over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddam liar"
Jack handey

 

[Hard-Luck Henry]

"It is unusual for a man on his own to feel like laughing."
-- Jean Paul Sartre

Maybe, but I laughed when I read that quote, peapod. :lol: :lol:

 

[peapod]

Well that a good thing henry to laugh I mean...here is another for yea.

"When I was younger, there was a house on my street that I thought was haunted. At night you would hear screams coming from all over the house...plus anyone that went in...never came out. Later I found out it was just a murderer's house"
Jack handey

 

[Hard-Luck Henry]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I'm going to find out more about Jack Handey, he's funny.

" I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

Tommy Cooper

 

[peapod]

:lol: :lol: :lol: More handey eh? You should have been a canadain henry :wink:

"When someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, than I spin around and pin the guys arm behind his back. NOW who is asking the questions?" :lol: :lol:
Jack handey deep thoughts

 

[Hard-Luck Henry]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

"I went to see the doctor. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'"

More Tommy Cooper.

 

[peapod]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Guess I will have to find out about this mister cooper henry

"There is nothing sadder than a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Give it up little guy"
Jack handey..deep thoughts

 

[Hard-Luck Henry]

:lol:

Tommy Cooper was a very visual comedian, so it's difficult to post his best stuff, but this is one of my favourites:


Picture this; he's pointing to various parts of his torso, and saying "I went to see the doctor today, and I said 'it hurts here ,oww! here, ooo! here, ouch! and here, arghh!' The doctor said ... 'You've broken your finger'"

 

[peapod]

:lol: :lol: I love the british sense of humor.

"A good way to threaten someone is to light a stick of dynamite. than you call up the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "Thats dynamite, baby."
Jack handey---deep thoughts

 

[passpatoo]

When having to choose between two evils, I always like to pick the one I never tried before.

Mae West

 

[peapod]

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car-I forget what kind it was-and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you."
Jack handey- deep thoughts

 

[Vanni Fucci]

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
-- Jack Handey

 

[Vanni Fucci]

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
--Jack Handey

 

[Vanni Fucci]

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.
-- Jack Handey

 

[peapod]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: The guy is so funny...oops! fell off my chair again :lol:

"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with a whore he picked up in town." :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Hard-Luck Henry]

:lol: :lol: I like this guy, a lot.

'My friend told me he'd found Jesus. "Woo-hoo, we're rich," I cried. Turns out he meant something different.'

 

[Vanni Fucci]

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

 

[Vanni Fucci]

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.