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Your brilliant satire has cut me to the quick. I may never recover. "It's like being savaged by a dead sheep." --Denis Healy

This one time, at band camp. . .

In his desperate attempt to Save The ARs, Jinentonix has brought up a serious problem. He only did it to Save The ARs, and I don't for a second think he gives two shits about the dangers of texting while driving, but it is a societal problem which has technological and regulatory solutions. We...

But only societal problems cause mass shootings. We know cuz you said so. Back in the civil rights days, the city of Birmingham, Alabama came to be known as "Bombingham" because the Klan was blowing up so much stuff. What did we do? We strictly regulated possession of dynamite. Did it stop...

Your point is to whatabout. Because that's all you've got. Because you cannot come up with one. . . single. . . legitimate civilian use for a weapon that can put over 100 rounds downrange in less than a minute. Except, of course, the clear, present, and common danger of. . . feral hogs!

Whatabout the whatabout? Whatabout the kids killed by drunk drivers? You don't care, obviously. You're perfectly happy to have someone at three times the legal limit blasting down the road. Who cares, move along and whine about texting, right?

As opposed, of course, to your fine example of a fact-filled, carefully-considered, and well-reasoned response.

Apparently Britain, France, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Japan, Finland, and Italy don't have societal problems.

In my various travels around Canada, I've met two people who weren't fluent in English. One in NB, one in Quebec. Both of 'em were old. This ain't about languages. It's about dividing the country into "us" and "them," and everybody who falls for it is either stupid or making money/power off...

Of course not. They're true blue and never, ever do anything wrong.

First part, true. Second part, don't know about up yonder, but hereabouts personal health information privacy only applies to health-care providers and insurance companies.

Yep, it's the "cleaning his gun" of the 21st century. Not fond of the press lying, however good its intentions, but is it really anybody's business what the cause of death was?

Did once. We were saner then.

I've been a lawyer for a few decades now. Crazy? You bet. Surprising? Nope. Crazy people don't produce sane systems.

I'm sure Oklahoma will take 'em. I mean, they're White, the babies will be White, so what's not to love?

Of course, the smart thing to do would be to use big-data analytics to calculate cost increases and accidents avoided, then make a decision of limiters, how many, set to what speeds, and why only trucks. Then make your decisions. If we were smart.

So, basically, once you've offed your intended target, no real reason no to go ahead on and settle up with everybody who ever hurt your feelings. Cool.

The Southern Tim Hortons is called Krispy Kreme (the Northern one is Dunkin' Donuts). I've tried to explain to them that cream isn't supposed to be crispy, and if it is, you really should throw it away, but they never listen.

Texas cops? Probably something very much along the lines of "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. . ."

I'm not sure about up yonder, but down here in the United States of AR-15, "beyond a reasonable doubt" is the standard for guilt at all. I feel for what you're saying, and I would support a super-standard for capital punishment. Just sayin'. What can I say about the rest of the ideas. You're...