I find that our culture exploits rape for various political agendas: to demonize certain races, nationalities, religions, and sexes (i.e. men), or to oppose immigration or other unrelated policies.
I have suffered sexual (by a female babysitter over a period of time), physical, and emotional abuse as a child; and my childhood abuse contributed to my behaving in a manner that exposed me to further emotional and sexual abuse as an adult. In only one childhood and one adult instance (when the perpetrators were men) did it conform at least somewhat to conventional stereotypes about physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. In the other cases, the perpetrator was a woman; in the case of my babysitter when I was eight, a white Canadian woman.
Some people exploit the demonization of men to promote rape-shield laws, yet I’ve actually conversed with female victims of rape who totally opposed rape shield laws as do I. Even victims of abuse understand that, however traumatic the experience may be, it still does not excuse the subversion of the principle of presuming a person innocent until he’s proved guilty beyond reasonable doubt and can still understand that some alleged victims can make a false accusation for various reasons.
Where I might diverge from even other victims of sexual abuse with whom I’ve conversed has to do with ‘contributory negligence.’ In at least one case as an adult, I was coerced into an abusive relationship by an Ethiopian refugee that lasted a few years through various forms of verbal, emotional, and physical manipulation that eventually escalated to blackmail (through a threat of suicide if I broke up with her). For another occasion with a Chinese woman after I finally escaped the previous abusive relationship, I accept responsibility for gross contributory negligence. For example, if you seek out a reputed sadist or another person you know to be potentially high-risk, agree to protected sex with her, and she then forces unprotected sex onto you, I’m sorry, but you put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position by agreeing to engage in some form of sex with her, removing your clothes, and allowing her to pin or even tie you down and climb on top of you for example. This might apply if you engage in sex only to withdraw your consent in the middle of the act or if you freely choose to consume alcohol or another substance that may weaken your faculties too. I’m not saying that it’s not rape or that the perpetrator does not deserve punishment, but simply that you would have put yourself in a position to exponentially increase the risk of abuse and made it multiple times more difficult to prove rape than it already is in the best of circumstances.
While we can sympathize with victims of childhood abuse, acknowledge how that abuse may affect their behaviour as adults, and how that behaviour increases the probability of their suffering repeated abuse, the solution is not to mollycoddle them but rather to sympathetically hold them accountable for their actions. They will not have learnt to respect their boundaries as children (as was the case with me). The solution is to force them to learn to respect their boundaries as adults, however emotionally painful that may be to do initially.
Though making fornication a fine-able offence would increase the risk of a victim who’d consented to sex facing punishment himself, it would make it easier for any victim to ensure that his perpetrator receive some kind of punishment too. In the case of a victim who negligently contributed to the crime, he could choose to not report it I suppose, but that alone serves as a lesson to teach him to respect his boundaries.
I admit that I’m not sure where other victims of sexual abuse stand on the matter of making fornication a fine-able offense (simply since I’ve never discussed this specific topic with other victims). However, the above shows that even those who have suffered various forms of sexual or other abuse generally don’t see eye to eye on how to change rape and other abuse laws; so those who’ve never suffered it should perhaps act a little less dogmatically in their stances when they accuse anyone who opposes rape-shield laws or who agrees that the victim should accept some responsibility in cases of gross contributory negligence of being rape apologists. Even victims of sexual abuse sometimes hold these views.
On the matter of using rape politics to oppose immigration, let’s just remember that anyone can rape anyone and that no race, nationality, or even sex holds the monopoly on rape. Both of my childhood abusers (one sexual, the other physical and then emotional) were white Canadians as was one of my adulthood abusers; so if we're going to make abuse an immigration issue, we could just as easily (and equally irrationally) argue that we need to protect foreigners from Canadian perpetrators.
I have suffered sexual (by a female babysitter over a period of time), physical, and emotional abuse as a child; and my childhood abuse contributed to my behaving in a manner that exposed me to further emotional and sexual abuse as an adult. In only one childhood and one adult instance (when the perpetrators were men) did it conform at least somewhat to conventional stereotypes about physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. In the other cases, the perpetrator was a woman; in the case of my babysitter when I was eight, a white Canadian woman.
Some people exploit the demonization of men to promote rape-shield laws, yet I’ve actually conversed with female victims of rape who totally opposed rape shield laws as do I. Even victims of abuse understand that, however traumatic the experience may be, it still does not excuse the subversion of the principle of presuming a person innocent until he’s proved guilty beyond reasonable doubt and can still understand that some alleged victims can make a false accusation for various reasons.
Where I might diverge from even other victims of sexual abuse with whom I’ve conversed has to do with ‘contributory negligence.’ In at least one case as an adult, I was coerced into an abusive relationship by an Ethiopian refugee that lasted a few years through various forms of verbal, emotional, and physical manipulation that eventually escalated to blackmail (through a threat of suicide if I broke up with her). For another occasion with a Chinese woman after I finally escaped the previous abusive relationship, I accept responsibility for gross contributory negligence. For example, if you seek out a reputed sadist or another person you know to be potentially high-risk, agree to protected sex with her, and she then forces unprotected sex onto you, I’m sorry, but you put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position by agreeing to engage in some form of sex with her, removing your clothes, and allowing her to pin or even tie you down and climb on top of you for example. This might apply if you engage in sex only to withdraw your consent in the middle of the act or if you freely choose to consume alcohol or another substance that may weaken your faculties too. I’m not saying that it’s not rape or that the perpetrator does not deserve punishment, but simply that you would have put yourself in a position to exponentially increase the risk of abuse and made it multiple times more difficult to prove rape than it already is in the best of circumstances.
While we can sympathize with victims of childhood abuse, acknowledge how that abuse may affect their behaviour as adults, and how that behaviour increases the probability of their suffering repeated abuse, the solution is not to mollycoddle them but rather to sympathetically hold them accountable for their actions. They will not have learnt to respect their boundaries as children (as was the case with me). The solution is to force them to learn to respect their boundaries as adults, however emotionally painful that may be to do initially.
Though making fornication a fine-able offence would increase the risk of a victim who’d consented to sex facing punishment himself, it would make it easier for any victim to ensure that his perpetrator receive some kind of punishment too. In the case of a victim who negligently contributed to the crime, he could choose to not report it I suppose, but that alone serves as a lesson to teach him to respect his boundaries.
I admit that I’m not sure where other victims of sexual abuse stand on the matter of making fornication a fine-able offense (simply since I’ve never discussed this specific topic with other victims). However, the above shows that even those who have suffered various forms of sexual or other abuse generally don’t see eye to eye on how to change rape and other abuse laws; so those who’ve never suffered it should perhaps act a little less dogmatically in their stances when they accuse anyone who opposes rape-shield laws or who agrees that the victim should accept some responsibility in cases of gross contributory negligence of being rape apologists. Even victims of sexual abuse sometimes hold these views.
On the matter of using rape politics to oppose immigration, let’s just remember that anyone can rape anyone and that no race, nationality, or even sex holds the monopoly on rape. Both of my childhood abusers (one sexual, the other physical and then emotional) were white Canadians as was one of my adulthood abusers; so if we're going to make abuse an immigration issue, we could just as easily (and equally irrationally) argue that we need to protect foreigners from Canadian perpetrators.
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