That's what a life of morals is like, plain and simple.
Lessans' utopian view might work if all people possessed empathy, a conscience, and the entirety of humanity was perfrectly healthy. In other words, it might work in theory. Reality is completely different.
I had one friend who went into a complete funk after a series of prophetic dreams he'd had since childhood came true. He was furious, and felt cheated, because he'd done everything he could to avoid what his dreams were telling him would happen, and still he ended up at the time and place where he always dreamt he would nearly die. And it all played out the way he'd always dreamt. Now... the validity of what he experienced aside, the impact was HUGE, because to his mind, that meant that nothing he chose in his life made a difference. He was destroyed, furious. If we can't change our path, or at least our experience upon that path, then what point was there to living? He was never the same. He was defeated.
That must indeed be a traumatic experience. I can't imagine the shock of having dreams actually fulfilled. Of course, one can always extrapolate how the unconscious could find a way to find a way for the dream to actually become reality. As I'm sure you already know, the unconscious is extremely hard to figure out.
I just had this thought about Lessans' view. I already said that I do think there is potential for a truly inspiring vision of a peaceful humanity. The problem is that the way he presents his ideas is so repulsive that anything good is wasted.
Imagine a science fiction novel in which we come in contact with a very advanced extraterrestrial civilization. The aliens have a social and ethical model similar to what Lessans presents. The story could unfold around the clash between our two different standards of ethics and morality... Blame vs. no blame... That would be a very interesting way to present Lessans' model without claiming it to be a mathematical impossibility. It would rather be a more humble way of saying ''what if?'' Could it be possible that we evolve into something like Lessans' model? What would need to change? Is it realistic? Are there any important differences between the aliens and we humans that would make this impossible for us?
In other words, it would be presented as a reflection and not as undeniable truth.
The problem most of us have I think with Lessans' view is that we view it as being simply unrealistic or utopian. It seems too far away from what we are as human beings.