Father charged in son's spanking.

[SirJosephPorter]

Right: spanking as any disciplinary action should not be given in anger...and if one parent disciplines a child, the other parent should be supportive of that discipline...I remember when my children were young and I would return from work and my wife had disciplined in some fashion and they would complain to me that it was too excessive....sometimes I would pretend to have a meeting with her....and if she figured that in the heat of the moment...eg. a week without T.V. was excessive...she would be the one cutting the sentence to two days or something...:smile:
To this day they remember waiting anxiously like prisoners waiting for a verdict....other times we would have a mock court......
Consistency is the key and starting at a young age to teach them who's the boss:lol:

DaSleeper, what you have said pretty much makes sense, except the part about spanking. We disciplined our son a total of 3 or 4 times in his childhood. But I do remember once I gave him the punishment, no television for one week (of course, that meant none of us would watch TV for one week, but that is the way it goes).

My wife interceded and told me that there were extenuating circumstances and urged me to get rid of the punishment altogether. She had a point, and I reduced the punishment from one week to two days.

 

[DaSleeper]

Spanking is just one tool in the box, and like any discipline or punishment should never be applied in anger.....some children never need spanking..some don't even need other discipline...
I may never have spanked my kids...not because I don't believe in it but because the elastic band method worked wonders for me and the kids learned early that I was the top dog in the household...

 

[DaSleeper]

We are done debating. Goodbye. Anyway, I am reporting your post as abusive post.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

Spanking is just one tool in the box, and like any discipline or punishment should never be applied in anger.....some children never need spanking..some don't even need other discipline...
I may never have spanked my kids...not because I don't believe in it but because the elastic band method worked wonders for me and the kids learned early that I was the top dog in the household...

I think our parenting philosophies are pretty much alike (except of course the part about spanking, you consider that as one of the tools, as far as I am concerned, it is off limits). Not that it matters now, our son is 25 years old.

 

[karrie]

Exactly. I don't see discipline as punishment though. To us, discapline is getting up and making your bed, attending to your morning grooming and eating your breakfast in good time so that you are ready for school when it's time to leave.

Getting homework done after school so there is time for play and and goofing off.
To us punishment took the role of consequences before there were really any.

Indeed. Unfortunately, in sloppy language the two are almost interchangeable, and and I will admit that I am not always precise on forums, so please excuse if I muddle the two in conversation.

 

[talloola]

Consistency is the key and starting at a young age to teach them who's the boss:lol:

Absolutely, it is consistency and intelligence that easily teaches them 'who is in
charge', while they are growing up, but they are all 'individuals', not molded
exactly like anyone but themselves, and they must be given the freedom to
be 'just that', even if it is foreign to the parent, not hurtful to anyone,
and enjoyable for the child, they have to live their own dream and desires,
not the parents.

My husband was hit quite a bit. He was a good kid, lived a clean life as a child,
had paper routes, worked in the bean fields in the summer, BUT, in the winter
he wanted to play hockey, and they said 'no'. He snuck out of the house many
times, road his bike many miles to the rink, borrowed, and was given second
hand
equipment, and had fun, he loved playing hockey. No one else in his house,
(two other brothers), could care less about sports, not him.
He would get smacked around pretty good each time he came home, he knew
it was coming, took it, showed no emotion one way or the other, went to bed,
and the next time, he would go to hockey again, he always went to hockey,
they could have beat him black and blue, their problem.

I walked out onto our road, many years ago, my children were young. A woman
was following her little girl up the road, and kept pushing her down, then
would catch up to her again, and push her down again, push
her off balance, so she couldn't stay on her feet. She fell four times, she was
out of control with fear, and crying so hard she probably could hardly see where
she was going. I told the woman if she did that again, I would follow her up
the road, and do the same thing to her. She looked at me in horrow, grabbed
her little girl's hand, and quickly walked away, and up the road.
I was only about 27 years old, allready had 3 of my 4 girls. I would have done
the same if it had been a dog.
I was shaking with fear and anger, and so surprised that I actually did that.
I would do it again today in a heartbeat, but the shaking and anger would
not be there.
For me, that is just an example of how an adult can physically abuse a child.
The child doesn't have a chance.
My youngest grandson, who is 8 now, would not be spanked or beaten by anyone,
since he was about 5, and any parent who tried that on him would do him so much harm, and not
get any good results at all. He was hit a few times by his dad, but he becomes
very riled, angry and retalliative, (is that a word?), anyway you know what I
mean. Does not cry, hollers and shouts, and defends himself, fights back very
deliberately. That is one of the situations where a parent looks like an idiot,
trying to hit and control, as it turns into trying to settle down an octipus,
and, unless the parent punched him out, or hurt him, he will not be bullied.
There has definitely been a different method learned to teach
him right from wrong, and good behavior.
He's a good kid, very smart, but can be pushy and bossy, he is learning how to
get along better now, and he will be fine, he is also very affectionate and
loveable.

 

[Whitewood]

I watched a mother in a department store with her 6-7 year old son. He was hell. In the time I watched this kid, he must have wailed off and slapped mother hard at least 6 times in the face. She stuck to her guns about what he was not getting but she paid the price with his fists. Who knows where he learned this behavior but it wasn't from her in that store. When she was finally able to wretle the kid out of the store and without his " stuff ', the people in the area applauded the fact that he got nothing. I would have never have been that patient.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

I watched a mother in a department store with her 6-7 year old son. He was hell. In the time I watched this kid, he must have wailed off and slapped mother hard at least 6 times in the face. She stuck to her guns about what he was not getting but she paid the price with his fists. Who knows where he learned this behavior but it wasn't from her in that store. When she was finally able to wretle the kid out of the store and without his " stuff ', the people in the area applauded the fact that he got nothing. I would have never have been that patient.

Whitewood, not many parents would be that patient. However, I think that mother did exactly the right thing.

And where did he learn that behavior? My guess is that he learned it from his father, that woman probably was a battered wife.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

My husband was hit quite a bit.

We all were, talloola. I don’t know how old your husband is, but I am 60 years old. My generation grew up in the 50s, and at that time almost everybody practiced corporal punishment.

However, even as a child I could see the cruelty, the sadism involved in corporal punishment. When I decided to get married, I resolved that I would never lay a finger on my son, no matter what. The cycle of violence must stop somewhere.

I am glad to say that I kept my promise to myself. Neither my wife nor me laid a finger on our son, and we managed to raise a magnificent human being.

 

[SirJosephPorter]

Anyway, I see the moderators have deleted the offending post by unforgiven, the one I complained about.

Thank you, mods. If you wish to delete my post in reply (post No. 60), that is OK by me. Anyway, this doesn’t change anything, I am finished with unforgiven.

 

[gerryh]

welcometo the club unf.

 

[DaSleeper]

Anyway, I see the moderators have deleted the offending post by unforgiven, the one I complained about.

Thank you, mods. If you wish to delete my post in reply (post No. 60), that is OK by me. Anyway, this doesn’t change anything, I am finished with unforgiven.

 

[DaSleeper]

welcometo the club unf.

 

[gerryh]

Ya know...... if you keep this up, you'll end up on joeys ignore list too....lol

 

[talloola]

My husband was hit quite a bit.

We all were, talloola. I don’t know how old your husband is, but I am 60 years old. My generation grew up in the 50s, and at that time almost everybody practiced corporal punishment.

However, even as a child I could see the cruelty, the sadism involved in corporal punishment. When I decided to get married, I resolved that I would never lay a finger on my son, no matter what. The cycle of violence must stop somewhere.

I am glad to say that I kept my promise to myself. Neither my wife nor me laid a finger on our son, and we managed to raise a magnificent human being.

We are 70, and it was the same back then, probably worse, it was the
norm. I was never hit by either of my parents, thankfully, but my mother
was hit by my father, and I never forgot that, and knew at a very young age,
that would 'never' happen to me more than once, well, it has never happened
to me.

 

[talloola]

You are right, teachers are not allowed to spank the little brats any more. This is just plain wrong. I have a lot of issues with teachers and our education system but teachers MUST be able to enforce their authority in the class room. We once had a neighbour who did not believe in spanking. She would threaten here kids with a consequence when they miss behaved. Unfortunately that never happened and as a result her brats were not permitted in any other peoples yards to play because they did not recognize either rules or authority.

There are lots of parents like that, all talk, but no 'thinking', they don't seem
to listen to themselves, those are the kids who run the assylum.
It has nothing to do with 'not' spanking them.

If a teacher ever had touched any of my children, I would have been at that school, in
a flash, if she/he doesn't have the intelligence to get a situation under control,
without raising his fist, or using a strap, he/she has missed the boat.
I do see that the kids have taken over the schools now, but it has nothing to
do with corporal punishment, there are many factors causing that problem,
but that isn't one of them.
I see that the schools don't seem to care much what the kids do these days,
and it's not because they can't hit them, it's because they don't or won't take
the time needed to get respect.
I'm sure there are still some teachers in the schools who have the respect of
the children, and good on them, and it's too bad they all can't be like that.
When I was a kid, the strap was given out liberally, but one day a friend of
mine, a young guy about 15 yrs old was called into the office, and the
principal tried to strap him, he swung around, grabbed his arm, and punched
him unconscious, and walked out. Of course he was suspended for a very long
time. Perhaps that was when they decided to think up something a little more
intelligent than corporal punishment,;-) obviously my friend knew much more
about corporal punishment than the principal did.

 

[talloola]

If you read my first post in the thread, that's exactly what I said. But, to address your first point... no... having an opinion that it's wrong isn't the same thing as making a big show of not doing it. I wish I could explain the difference in some of the people I know.

And yes, one can think it's a regrettable necessity talloola. Approval and disapproval all lumped into one. Like most things that come along with parenting, it's not a black and white for me... there's a lot of grey area.

A person who clearly disagrees with someone hitting their child, (spanking is
hitting), would most definitely think of the action as 'wrong'.
For them, to say it is wrong is being honest and sincere, not disrespectful
or rude of the other, and visa versa, although certain people definitely have
their
own way of trying to go back and forth, good thing we can't be hit on this
forum, I think a couple of us would have felt it.
The opinions on this thread of both sides, are how certain people go about
raising their children without 'hitting', and others 'with hitting', each side
has the right to explain how they go about it, or not.
The non-hitters are not do gooders, or arrogant, or high and mighty, just
people who think 'hitting' is wrong.
When I was a young mother, I gave out a spanking, 'rarely', but I did do it, and
as I grew up and older, then had my fourth child, I never ever hit her, but I
had developed a much more mature and intelligent way of handling children
by then, and my fourth child was the one with the mouth that roared. We
had many interesting conversations, and quiet times, and the last thing she
needed was someone to 'hit' her, she was allready an emotional type, and knew
how to holler back, so a very quiet, but firm approach worked well.
She is now a loving mother of 3, and doesn't ever hit her kids.

 

[AnnaG]

OTH there are examples out there where kids were never disciplined and turned out to be perfect little assholes. Perhaps a few good spankings when they were young would have saved taxpayers a bundle of money.

Indeed there are, taxslave, the reason being they were not properly parented. And the answer is not spanking (which may make the problem worse), but proper discipline, proper attention, proper love and proper parenting.

Here you go Mr. Expert:

It's a weird phenomenon that people rarely see their own kids as being as bad as anyone else's: "Our kids are good kids so that makes us experts". lol They are partially right: it makes them experts at raising their own kids.

 

[AnnaG]

Ya know...... if you keep this up, you'll end up on joeys ignore list too....lol

lol.

 

[AnnaG]

We are 70, and it was the same back then, probably worse, it was the
norm. I was never hit by either of my parents, thankfully, but my mother
was hit by my father, and I never forgot that, and knew at a very young age,
that would 'never' happen to me more than once, well, it has never happened
to me.

I was never hit. Mum has an awful bite just using her tongue, though. lol Dad was always so cool. I think after a while we were more afraid of getting on Dad's bad side than Mum's, though. It's the "fear of the unknown" issue. But now I doubt we had anything to fear because he simply channels any anger into doing something constructive. I took up that habit. I get angry, I go for a run or yank weeds or something. We taught the kids that trick, too.