Canada's Version of the Ant and Grasshopper
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the
winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or
shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
***
THE CANADIAN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the
winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
So far, so good, eh?
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference
and demands to know why the ant should be allowed
to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The CBC shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper,
with cuts to a video of the ant in his
comfortable warm home with a
table laden with food. Canadians are stunned
that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty.
The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition
Against Poverty demonstrate in front
of the ant's house. The CBC,
interrupting an Inuit cultural festival
special from Nunavut with breaking
news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."
Jack Layton grants in an interview with
Mike Duffy that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of
grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
In response to polls, the Liberal
Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper
Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the
beginning of the summer.
The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he
is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay both the
fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government. The ant moves to the US
and starts a successful agribiz company.
The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of
the ant's food, though spring is still months away, while the government
house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles
around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is
blamed, Bob Rae is appointed to head a
commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug
overdose, the Toronto Star
blames it on the obvious failure of
government to address the root causes of
despair arising from social inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a
gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the government for enriching
Canada's multicultural diversity, who
promptly set up a marijuana grow op and
terrorrize the community.
THE END CJOB 68: Manitoba's Information Superstation Posted 2/23/2009 12:00:00 AM :lol:
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the
winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or
shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
***
THE CANADIAN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering
heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the
winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
So far, so good, eh?
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference
and demands to know why the ant should be allowed
to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The CBC shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper,
with cuts to a video of the ant in his
comfortable warm home with a
table laden with food. Canadians are stunned
that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty.
The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition
Against Poverty demonstrate in front
of the ant's house. The CBC,
interrupting an Inuit cultural festival
special from Nunavut with breaking
news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."
Jack Layton grants in an interview with
Mike Duffy that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of
grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
In response to polls, the Liberal
Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper
Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the
beginning of the summer.
The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he
is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay both the
fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government. The ant moves to the US
and starts a successful agribiz company.
The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of
the ant's food, though spring is still months away, while the government
house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles
around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is
blamed, Bob Rae is appointed to head a
commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug
overdose, the Toronto Star
blames it on the obvious failure of
government to address the root causes of
despair arising from social inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a
gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the government for enriching
Canada's multicultural diversity, who
promptly set up a marijuana grow op and
terrorrize the community.
THE END CJOB 68: Manitoba's Information Superstation Posted 2/23/2009 12:00:00 AM :lol:
