Thoughts? Baby raised without 'gender'
- Thread starter SLM
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What's wrong with telling a child "You're a boy."? You develop your self identity because of the influence of the people in your lives.
What's a secret? The truth? Nah, truth is knowable.
I think you misunderstand the whole point. It's not having the rest of the world tell him: "you are a boy, and therefore this is what you will wear, this is what you will play with, and this is how you will act", or "you are a girl, and therefore this is what you will wear, this is what you will play with, and this is how you will act".
The child is four months old... telling it it's a boy is pointless, and as they get older, they will know what gender they are as they compare themselves to their mom and dad. They are not keeping the child's gender a secret from the child. They are simply not telling anyone else.
When I first heard about this, I just thought these folks were attempting to prevent gender stereotyping for their child, albeit it a seemingly bizarre, and very public, way. It's not so much about denying the child a gender, but allowing the child to develop without the gender stereotypes imposed by others, no matter how well meaning they may be.
But then I read some of the comments quoted by various journalists and that kind of got my attention.
Specifically this one:
"..."Without boundaries, I wonder if little 4-month-old Storm will wander aimlessly, like so many of my thirty-something friends," (Toronto Star columnist Cathy)Porter wrote..."
Should gender define any boundaries at all? I sort of thought that was the whole point to equality between the sexes, that your gender should not limit you.
But then I read some of the comments quoted by various journalists and that kind of got my attention.
Specifically this one:
"..."Without boundaries, I wonder if little 4-month-old Storm will wander aimlessly, like so many of my thirty-something friends," (Toronto Star columnist Cathy)Porter wrote..."
Should gender define any boundaries at all? I sort of thought that was the whole point to equality between the sexes, that your gender should not limit you.
Where does a six year old get a noxious substance like nail polish?
Do you use your kids to mess with people?
If people messed with my kids the way it sounds like people messed with their older son, yeah, I just might prove a point. From what I can see it does the kid no damage, but it might do a lot to make people stop and look critically at why they would NEED to know the gender of a child.
I don't use my kids for anything like that, just seems childish and cowardly to me. If an adult has an issue with an adults behavior, the right course of action, is for the adults to work it out. Not put a kid in the middle of it.
Christmas and birthdays must be a crap shoot.
I can appreciate an opinion on gender assignment, I actually kind of agree with the parents there. Likewise, I have an opinion about Kirpans in schools, I'm not about to use my kids to further it, and send them to school with there Grandfathers bone knife.
That would put your kid at risk of legal action. How does it compare to this? How is it 'using' your kid if you think you're actually giving them something, a bit of freedom while you can?
I suppose I likewise 'used' my son by choosing to make him part of my stance against circumcision.
Not when they were six.
Projecting your personal adult opinions, vicariously through your child.
Do you want to discuss the "messing with people" part of your post, or the actions of the parents?
Not really, unless you're getting him to whip it out at rallies.
"messing with" was more a reference to people's reactions, than to the parents actions. their heads have been messed with because they don't get to pigeon hole someone fast enough.
How exactly is having the knowledge of what sex a child is, 'pigeon holing'?
I don't think these parents are doing anything wrong per say, but I do think they're being more silly then the people they're 'messing' with.
well we're talking about people who are calling it abuse for THEM to not be told what the kid's gender is. I really can't see why they would get that worked up about it if it wasn't because they need to put the kid in a box in their brain somewhere.
I think putting nail polish on a child of 6 years, is abuse. It's a noxious substance.
The longest debate I ever participated in was a debate on, could a man be a lesbian. I believe in sexual fluidity.
But I also believe that a child needs to progress in life, within societies parameters. When we as adults try and change those parameters, because of our feelings or beliefs, while using our children as the driver, we do them a disservice.
Now, I wouldn't suggest taking their kids away from them, but someone should sit down and explain how society works, no matter how ugly we think it is, or we think it should work.
These kids won't live in a bubble. Eventually they'll feel some pain, because of their parents actions.
I loose sleep worrying if I made right choices with the boys. I can't even wrap my head around doing something I know would cause them grief. No matter how much I believed in the silliness of gender pigeon holing.
They don't even send them to school school. I doubt they go to Sunday school. I could be wrong of course, but I just can't see it.