Two guys walk into a bar, and they both have black eyes. "How did you get your black eye?" asks the first guy.
"Well, it was really a Freudian slip. You see, I was walking through the park one day when I saw a woman with three beautiful children. I walked up to her to compliment her children, but when I tried to say, 'You have some lovely kiddies,' I accidentally said, 'You have some lovely titties. So she slapped me, and gave me this black eye. How about you, how did you get your black eye?"
"Well, I too had a Freudian slip. I was sitting down to breakfast with my wife of thirty-two years, and I tried to say, 'Would you please pass the Cornflakes?' but instead I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life, you fu cking bitch.'"