Rude: Where Are Our Manners

[karrie]

So what do you make of the idea that we've made such an effort getting kids to think they are special, that they took it to heart and now that they are grown, they expect that being special has it's perks? Any weight to that?

I think it rings very true... we also celebrate the most self centred and vapid in the media, and give young people the impression that being obnoxious makes you fascinating.

But, knocking down an artificial sense of self esteem is, well, abuse. lol. So is there a balance that can be struck?

 

[Unforgiven]

I think it rings very true... we also celebrate the most self centred and vapid in the media, and give young people the impression that being obnoxious makes you fascinating.

But, knocking down an artificial sense of self esteem is, well, abuse. lol. So is there a balance that can be struck?

Is it abuse? I wonder if it's just easier to instill a false sense of esteem rather than helping kids work to build a true sense of self esteem? Maybe we're just the witness to this swing of the pendulum?

I found it interesting as well that in the doco they say that rude and self centered people don't do well in business and generally suffer set backs as a result of that perpetual attitude.

I find myself prone to reaction if I find something someone says or does to be rude.

 

[Whitewood]

That cantelope man was more likely reacting with attitude out of frustration that he did not have control and knowledge of what he wanted to do. Call that embarrassment although it's an immature way to say " Really, I need your help ". However when talking of rude people, my biggest frustration is with kids as young as 10 on up to teens who will walk right at you as though you're not there and not so much as turn a shoulder to go by you or say excuse me and I'm no little guy. I always promise myself that I'm going to mow one of these kids down one day but always am the one to turn my shoulder...again.

 

[karrie]

Is it abuse? I wonder if it's just easier to instill a false sense of esteem rather than helping kids work to build a true sense of self esteem? Maybe we're just the witness to this swing of the pendulum?

I found it interesting as well that in the doco they say that rude and self centered people don't do well in business and generally suffer set backs as a result of that perpetual attitude.

I find myself prone to reaction if I find something someone says or does to be rude.

You strike me as a 'one upper' when it comes to rudeness Unf (no offense meant, just an observation). If you feel talked down to, written off, etc., you attack quite quickly. I think that's all part and parcel of what I was saying before about its contagious nature.

As for 'is it abuse'... establishing humility in a child is not abuse. What I was referring to is trying to get rid of an artificially high self esteem in someone. Trying to remove self esteem is almost impossible without it falling into the realm of emotional abuse. Or at least, I can't think of a way to take a child down a few pegs without it seeming that way.

 

[Unforgiven]

You strike me as a 'one upper' when it comes to rudeness Unf (no offense meant, just an observation). If you feel talked down to, written off, etc., you attack quite quickly. I think that's all part and parcel of what I was saying before about its contagious nature.

No offense taken. I never had a problem with taking up a challenge when the gauntlet has been thrown down. I don't mind relinquishing authority to others when they are large and incharge, but if people are simply standing around looking for someone else to do something, I am more than happy to be the Huckleberry. I find for the most part in real life, people are rude right up to the point you call them on it.

As for 'is it abuse'... establishing humility in a child is not abuse. What I was referring to is trying to get rid of an artificially high self esteem in someone. Trying to remove self esteem is almost impossible without it falling into the realm of emotional abuse. Or at least, I can't think of a way to take a child down a few pegs without it seeming that way.

With my kids I've always found that giving them enough leash to hang themselves worked well. We never pandered to them but we always encouraged in them a good sense of competition. I found that tempered with a good sense of sportsmanship worked well for the most part.

This is a good read.

Hagakure | The Way of the Samurai

 

[DaSleeper]

I think I may have posted this on some forum before.
My daughter used to live on Davisville St. in Toronto, about 100 ft away from Mount Pleasant St.
I was returning to her place from an early evening walk up to Eglington...
Half way from Eglington to Davisville on Mt. Pleasant there is a small Theater or Cinema on the east side of the Street.....As I approach there is a bunch of older teenagers 10 to 15 of them, waiting for the theater to open...literally blocking the sidewalk...and acting up..the way boys will do:smile:
For a second, I thought of crossing the street but there was a small store right on the other side of the heater I was planning to stop at....so I pushed on...
As I got close to them the first few kids made room for me to go through and one even pushed one of his friends out of the way....As I went by I said thank you and nodded to them (in a nice way) and went on my way with the realization that there are still some polite well raised kids in the world in spite of all the a**holes:lol:

 

[DurkaDurka]

The Toronto subway system is where I see rudeness at its finest. For example, I got out of my seat to offer it to an elderly gent and some chinese lady buds her way in and takes the seat from him before he can sit, I was quite astonished and felt like slapping her. Sadly, situations like that are the norm on the subway, it's all for one.

 

[strange]

indeed i think manners are contagious as well. But why are we sooo indebted to each other. ignoring everyone is great as well we are all individual so let it be.

 

[EagleSmack]

I open doors for little old lady's,I help the blind to see.

You're sick! You're obcene!

 

[Unforgiven]

indeed i think manners are contagious as well.

But then we would live in very polite society. I think that is mostly true but not all the time. There are people, in the large centre I live in that have no idea that they should use manners or more so, what manners are and how to use them.

But why are we sooo indebted to each other. ignoring everyone is great as well we are all individual so let it be.

I disagree with this. Granted there are plenty of people indebted to me in a few ways but ignoring debt is perhaps the worst thing to do. Where would you get such an idea?

 

[shadowshiv]

I find that when people do not say 'thank you' after I hold the door open for them(I will even wait if I notice them crossing the room towards the door, not just if they are at the door already) it is a little irksome.

I will usually say 'You're welcome' to them. Sometimes they look embarrassed and somethings they give me a scowl. The ones who scowl I have no time for, but the ones who look embarrassed may just remember to say thank you the next time someone does something nice for them so it may help in the long run.

 

[VanIsle]

That cantelope man was more likely reacting with attitude out of frustration that he did not have control and knowledge of what he wanted to do. Call that embarrassment although it's an immature way to say " Really, I need your help ". However when talking of rude people, my biggest frustration is with kids as young as 10 on up to teens who will walk right at you as though you're not there and not so much as turn a shoulder to go by you or say excuse me and I'm no little guy. I always promise myself that I'm going to mow one of these kids down one day but always am the one to turn my shoulder...again.

No, I think the kids have to learn. I am the one who refuses to move. I can tell by the look on the kids faces that they do not intend to move so I continue to walk, looking straight at them and if necessary, I stop but I won't move. One way or another, they have to walk around me. I only do that if I know by the look on their faces that they are intentionally trying to control what I am doing.

 

[taxslave]

About an hour or so ago I went into town and got my mail at the old govt. post office that has to be 80 years old,the doors are very stiff but anyways I go in and there's an elderly gal slowly making her way to the door,maybe 30 feet away and not moving very fast,no one around but me so I waited by the door with my hand on it to signal my intention I would open the door for her,she looked surprised at first and then happy and said thank you after leaving the building.
That made my day but I also could see the surprise in her eyes that I could actually spare ten seconds of my time for her instead of like some of the younger folks who cant fart without text messaging ten of their buds that they just did.

Things are changing,peeps are in too much of a rush now.
I remember it was only a few years ago in my small burg that the person you stopped for at a crosswalk waved and you waved back.:-(

Last time I did that for a woman(30 ish) she called me a chauvinist. I just said thank you I resemble that remark. Kind of takes away the incentive to be polite.

 

[TenPenny]

Last time I did that for a woman(30 ish) she called me a chauvinist. I just said thank you I resemble that remark. Kind of takes away the incentive to be polite.

I had someone make a comment like that to me, and I replied (louldy) to the guys I was with that I was taught to be polite by my mother, she had a degree in Geology that she got in 1948, and my grandmother went to University in the 1920s, and I was pretty sure they knew more about women and working than any modern yuppie woman could ever hope to.

Some people talk, other people act.

 

[VanIsle]

Last time I did that for a woman(30 ish) she called me a chauvinist. I just said thank you I resemble that remark. Kind of takes away the incentive to be polite.

My husband has had much the same said to him but he continues to open doors. I have had plenty of men let the door slam in my face and plenty of women also. I open the door for everyone and I make sure I thank the ones who open it for me.

 

[karrie]

Last time I did that for a woman(30 ish) she called me a chauvinist. I just said thank you I resemble that remark. Kind of takes away the incentive to be polite.

I hold the door for men, women, children, the elderly. It's about making life easier for the people around you, not targeting a gender, so I find it bizarre that she would assume her ownership of a vagina is why you opened the door for her.

 

[TenPenny]

... I find it bizarre that she would assume her ownership of a vagina is why you opened the door for her.

If that's the only thing you've got going for you, it's easy to assume it's the reason for things to happen...

 

[karrie]

If that's the only thing you've got going for you, it's easy to assume it's the reason for things to happen...

lol... well put.

 

[AnnaG]

No, I think the kids have to learn. I am the one who refuses to move. I can tell by the look on the kids faces that they do not intend to move so I continue to walk, looking straight at them and if necessary, I stop but I won't move. One way or another, they have to walk around me. I only do that if I know by the look on their faces that they are intentionally trying to control what I am doing.

I stand, too. Might be a little easier for me, though not too women my height around. Les has a cousin that's a little bit of a thing, but she's really solid on her feet. People bounce off her. It's funny.

 

[AnnaG]

Re: Politeness

I live in a 'small town'. (I moved here 15 years ago from Vancouver.)

We're 250 (give/or take) souls at the end of the road. We wave at every vehicle. You never know who might; have a spare tire for you, five gallons of gas, pull your dumb ass out of a snowbank, or give you good directions.

The 'Golden Rule' is, is if we/all wave at you, WAVE BACK!

For the average city goer, I think that this would be intimidating.

*cue the banjos, I guess*

lol "Paddle faster, I hear banjos" - bumper sticker. I think it references that movie, "Deliverance".