I cheated on him...


senorita
#1
Overlook the dramatic title.

A friend of mine is going through a disagreement with her hubby. He thinks she was chatting with some guy and had her webcam on for him. He considers it cheating. She denies it.At the same time, she states even if she did talk to some guy online and with a webcam, it is not a big deal.

What are your personal views?
 
Zan
#2
The deets you gave are a little too vague for me to comment on. So many variables could change my opinion on a situation like that - such as what kind of marriage they have, degree of honesty/trust, and more than anything, what the wife's intention is when chatting, along with what they're chatting about.

Think about it. We chat here all the time. It's just a technologically evolved method of socializing for the majority of us. The web cam bit - if true, would probably raise my eyebrows though.

The disagreement appears to be symptomatic of something bigger to me - it's seems there's a trust issue and/or a control issue at play here.
 
senorita
#3
I'm sorry I should give more details. They've been married 5 years, have been together a few years before that. They have three kids. Very strong relationship. I mean I know them both, the guy is anything but controlling, usually its my friend who seems to want to have a say in everything he does. I dont know if she has talked to guys online , she told me the same thing she told him . That she hasnt done so.

Personally I dont think its a problem when the topics are more general. I'd say it was an issue if she was always talking to another guy about her personal life.
 
Zan
#4
hmmm something's funny then. If they have a strong relationship and healthy degree of trust, why would he think she was engaging in untrustworthy behavior, and be so specific about what he thinks she was up to? Either she's given him reason somewhere along the line to question her loyalty, or .....
 
senorita
#5
oh he saw the webcam on the PC...and apparently they never use it. Again I honestly dont know what else..Im only getting her side of it.

I did ask her outright if she was chatting with guys via the cam..she denied it. But I know her really well, and I know even if she did, she wouldnt think it a bit deal. Only reason she's worried is because her hubby is mad..

I did express my views, I'd say it was cheating if she was talking to a guy about her personal life, and her hubby didnt know it. On the other hand another close friend is siding with the friend in question . She doesnt see how it would be cheating.
 
Kreskin
#6
It also depends what they saw on each others webcams.

Thank goodness I don't have one, I'd do something incredibly stupid with it.
 
lone wolf
#7
One side of it is we are the yardstick we gauge others by. The other side of it is trust. Maybe they have some skeletons in closets or maybe they have some insecurity. No matter what, they better talk - soon -without judgment, reservation or interpretation.

Woof!
 
gerryh
#8
remember...to some....oral sex isn't cheating.
 
Kreskin
#9
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryhView Post

remember...to some....oral sex isn't cheating.

Only if you don't inhale.
 
lone wolf
#10
Pore ol' Bill's never gonna live that one down.

Woof!
 
gerryh
#11
Not just Bill....my wife and I know people...both man and women...that don't consider oral sex as cheating. Talking on the net.....even net sex...as long as they don't actually meet...it ain't cheating...many many people think this way.
 
lone wolf
#12
Yeah, I've heard eatin' ain't cheatin' ... and cyber isn't real ... and flirting's not forever. Sooner or later, a line gets crossed and somebody cries. To each their own, I guess. No wonder lawyers are a self-propegating species/

Woof!
 
Zan
#13
I have to agree wolf. Once the lines start blurring, it's just too easy to cross them. The 'rules' of online behaviour should (imo) carry the same expectations as real life. If you've got a relationship that tolerates those blurry lines, then have at 'er I guess. For me though, if it doesn't wash in RL, it doesn't in cyber life either. Leaving things to negotiation after something's come up (heh heh) is probably not gonna go smoothly.
 
Zan
#14
Quote: Originally Posted by KreskinView Post

It also depends what they saw on each others webcams.

You have to wonder though, even if nothing went on, why would someone care what an on-line friend looks like unless they were curious about 'other' things about that person?

Quote: Originally Posted by KreskinView Post

Thank goodness I don't have one, I'd do something incredibly stupid with it.

...... such as?...
 
Kreskin
#15
It depends on how many rye and cokes I might have consumed.
 
Zan
#16
well then. Just for giggles, let's say you'd had ohhhhh say about 6 - but they were doubles.
 
Kreskin
#17
6 doubles? That's hardly a buzz Zan.
 
Zan
#18
ok then. That's pretty close to lights out for me! You must be one of those guys that's still going when everyone else is just starting to wake up and realize what a mother of a hangover they've just given themselves.
 
Kreskin
#19
After that it kicks in fast and I black out, so I wouldn't know what I did.
 
Toro
#20
No.

Talking isn't cheating.

Flirting isn't cheating.
 
#juan
#21
Quote: Originally Posted by gerryhView Post

Not just Bill....my wife and I know people...both man and women...that don't consider oral sex as cheating. Talking on the net.....even net sex...as long as they don't actually meet...it ain't cheating...many many people think this way.

Am I missing something here? Oral sex is sex! Oral sex with someone outside the marriage is adultery. How can it be anything else?
 
darkbeaver
#22
Quote: Originally Posted by #juanView Post

Am I missing something here? Oral sex is sex! Oral sex with someone outside the marriage is adultery. How can it be anything else?

I thought it was virtual oral sex that was mentioned. I also think oral sex outside of marriage is aldultery, but
 
Kreskin
#23
but what?
 
darkbeaver
#24
butbutbutbut
 
#juan
#25
Quote: Originally Posted by darkbeaverView Post

I thought it was virtual oral sex that was mentioned. I also think oral sex outside of marriage is adultery, but

What is virtual oral sex? What is virtual sex of any kind?.........
 
darkbeaver
#26
Quote: Originally Posted by #juanView Post

What is virtual oral sex? What is virtual sex of any kind?.........

If you can simulate the act in your mind you'er guilty or lucky (depending on marital status) if you're married you have committed a sin, if you're not married you have a good imagination and lucky for it. I am exhausted now, sex is a lot of work.
 
Vereya
#27
Talking to someone online is not actually cheating in itself, but I am a bit amazed at the web cam part. I wouldn't want to use web cam to talk to any online friend, unless it was a really personal and intimate relationship. So, I guess the hubby is right to be upset...
 
hermanntrude
#28
talking to a friend on a webcam may or may not be cheating. I'd say if they talked and said such things as "er...hi... it's weird to actually see you... how are you" and they were both wearing full compliments of clothes... that's not cheating.

However if they said things like "oooo yeah, that's good, a little lower... show me your...." and they were naked.... then yes that's definitely cheating, especially if the other half doesnt know about it.
 
Nuggler
#29
Where does one buy one of these web cams of which you speak?

no, not cheatingoboyoboyoboyoboyoboy
 
Zzarchov
#30
Alot of people think flirting isn't cheating.

Of those, alot more think there is nothing wrong with kissing.

Of those, alot only think actual sex (not other forms of sexual activity such as oral sex) is cheating.

Of those, a few think its only cheating if you have an emotional attachement.

The end rule is:
Its cheating if you break the rules of your relationship. If you both think "eatin aint cheatin" then it isn't, if one of you thinks flirting is cheating, then it is. If you don't like the rules of the relationship your in..leave it.
 
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