An explosive interview has blown the lid off a a 1980's plan by the Canadian government to 'move Newfoundland to Ireland'.
As described by a source identified only as 'Deep Cod', the proposal suggested that Newfoundland be separated from the Atlantic ocean floor, then floated across the ocean and attached to the Irish coast.
Deep Cod is indicated as being a senior official in the Mulroney government during the 1980s and early 1990s.
'Looking back' Deep Cod told us 'I can see where some might think the plan a bit daft. But, at the time it made perfect sense, at least to Brian. You have to understand the background.
In the early years after Newfoundland joined Confederation, Canadian transfer payments to the province were delivered by a federal official to the Newfoundland government on December 24 of each year. A portion of the payment was allocated to the annual "Mainlander Kisses Our Arse" Christmas Eve celebration and whatever remained of the $150 would be deposited to Newfoundland government accounts.
In the late fifties, a package containing $500,000 in "Monopoly" money purchased as a Christmas present for the federal official's children was erroneously substituted by him in place of the (indexed) $152.39 transfer payment intended for the Newfoundland government.
Federal attempts to rectify the error were met by sly grins and winks and assurances that there 'was no problem, by' from the Newfoundland government. The Canadian federal government quickly realized that the Newfies believed they'd received legal tender and thought they'd 'put one over the mainlander'.
Through the years that followed, the federal government took full advantage of the Newfie misunderstanding, being more than happy to benefit from the positive publicity received each year by announcing a 'significant' increase in the federal transfer payment to Newfoundland.
To keep the cat in the bag, the federal government negotiated a secret agreement with the U.S. based Parker Brothers firm to arrange for "Monopoly" games sold in Newfoundland to include the Mexican Peso as the game currency rather than the more valuable "Monopoly" money used in games sold elsewhere in Canada and the U.S.
The scheme began to unravel in the early eighties as Newfoundlanders began to relocate to other provinces and became acquainted with the 'mainland' version of Monopoly. Realizing that sooner or later one of the Newfs was bound to twig to the fact that the money used in the mainland game looked pretty similar to what was by then Canadian currency in Newfoundland, the federal government started to panic.
I can still picture Michael Wilson walking around all pasty faced asking God how he was going to find the $5000 or so the feds owed to Newfoundland after thirty years of the "funny money" payments.
At the same time, the feds were starting to appreciate the potential input to federal coffers from the Hibernia fields. Some worried that sooner or later the Newfs would come looking for a cut.
And, there was the cod.
Even in those years concerns were starting to be raised about the diminishing cod stocks.
It was pretty apparent that sooner or later the whole industry was going tits up and the federal government would be left with a bunch of idle, broke Newfies looking for handouts or, in the worst case scenario, wanting to move to the mainland.
Alberta, the only Canadian province where a Newfie could easily fit in, was pretty much stuffed to the gills with them already, so the future looked bleak.
Anyway, one night we were all sitting around in the PM's office belting back a few cases of Bud that Ron had sent Brian in appreciation for his signing over the great lakes or something to the U.S., when Brian turns to John Crosby and asks him what he thinks we should do with his Godforsaken province.
I can still see John looking at the floor and saying 'It's a clobber Bri. Too bad we can't just move the place and be done with it.'
And that's where it all started.
A few days later we all get called back into Brian's office. He's grinning away like a Cheshire cat and sits us down to tell us he's got a plan.
Turns out the plan is to separate Newfoundland from the ocean floor and tug the island across the Atlantic to Ireland. Brian figures we can use continental drift to explain the whole thing and at any rate, once Newfireland, as he called it, was a done deal it would be the U.K.'s problem. Brian figured that 'no one will notice a few more drunks in Ireland and most Canadians don't know Newfoundland is a Canadian province, so where's the downside?'
Of course, we all thought Brian had been into the Bud again but, you never dared contradict anything he said for fear he'd burst out in tears and start whining about how everyone was against him, so we let him jabber on.
Turned out he'd been talking to his pal Ron, who'd told him it was a great idea and assured him the U.S. had the technology required to pull it off. Ron told him he'd send it right along as soon as Brian signed something Ron called NAFTA.
Looking around the room, I could see most of the attendees were pretty dubious about the cockamanie scheme. But, by this time Mike Wilson's hopping up and down like some howler monkey on crack screeching about the $5000 he's going to save and Bri's just sitting there with that pleased as punch smirk he always got when he thought he'd done something good. So, I could tell it was pretty much a done deal.
Sad part was, Brian thought he was signing something to do with the U.S. space program. When he found out NAFTA had nothing to do with space shuttles, he was a bit down in the mouth for awhile.
However, a few cases of Bud from Ron soon lifted his spirits and "Canada was open for business" again. Brian figured after he signed the country over to Ron, he'd find some chucklehead to replace him and take the fall, then move to Switzerland and put it behind him. But, that didn't really work out either.
So, Brian signs NAFTA, then finds out that islands aren't by nature floaters. Turns out the plan would have ended up with Newfoundland underwater.
Brian thought about it for awhile, then decided the party might lose a few points in the popularity polls if Canadians were presented with a CBC news videotape showing thousands of Newfs shouting "Saints presarve us" as they clambered on top of one another in a vain attempt evade the deep six.
He figured there'd probably be some horrible publicity fiasco along the lines of the baby seal thing. So, he dropped the plan and none of us ever spoke of it again.
Mike was none to happy he had to ante up a few bucks from the federal treasury for a some cases of screech to smooth the transfer payment problem over with the Newfoundland government. But, everything ended up working out okay.
Believe it or not, this was one of the saner ideas from the government in those years. The tales I could tell...'
As described by a source identified only as 'Deep Cod', the proposal suggested that Newfoundland be separated from the Atlantic ocean floor, then floated across the ocean and attached to the Irish coast.
Deep Cod is indicated as being a senior official in the Mulroney government during the 1980s and early 1990s.
'Looking back' Deep Cod told us 'I can see where some might think the plan a bit daft. But, at the time it made perfect sense, at least to Brian. You have to understand the background.
In the early years after Newfoundland joined Confederation, Canadian transfer payments to the province were delivered by a federal official to the Newfoundland government on December 24 of each year. A portion of the payment was allocated to the annual "Mainlander Kisses Our Arse" Christmas Eve celebration and whatever remained of the $150 would be deposited to Newfoundland government accounts.
In the late fifties, a package containing $500,000 in "Monopoly" money purchased as a Christmas present for the federal official's children was erroneously substituted by him in place of the (indexed) $152.39 transfer payment intended for the Newfoundland government.
Federal attempts to rectify the error were met by sly grins and winks and assurances that there 'was no problem, by' from the Newfoundland government. The Canadian federal government quickly realized that the Newfies believed they'd received legal tender and thought they'd 'put one over the mainlander'.
Through the years that followed, the federal government took full advantage of the Newfie misunderstanding, being more than happy to benefit from the positive publicity received each year by announcing a 'significant' increase in the federal transfer payment to Newfoundland.
To keep the cat in the bag, the federal government negotiated a secret agreement with the U.S. based Parker Brothers firm to arrange for "Monopoly" games sold in Newfoundland to include the Mexican Peso as the game currency rather than the more valuable "Monopoly" money used in games sold elsewhere in Canada and the U.S.
The scheme began to unravel in the early eighties as Newfoundlanders began to relocate to other provinces and became acquainted with the 'mainland' version of Monopoly. Realizing that sooner or later one of the Newfs was bound to twig to the fact that the money used in the mainland game looked pretty similar to what was by then Canadian currency in Newfoundland, the federal government started to panic.
I can still picture Michael Wilson walking around all pasty faced asking God how he was going to find the $5000 or so the feds owed to Newfoundland after thirty years of the "funny money" payments.
At the same time, the feds were starting to appreciate the potential input to federal coffers from the Hibernia fields. Some worried that sooner or later the Newfs would come looking for a cut.
And, there was the cod.
Even in those years concerns were starting to be raised about the diminishing cod stocks.
It was pretty apparent that sooner or later the whole industry was going tits up and the federal government would be left with a bunch of idle, broke Newfies looking for handouts or, in the worst case scenario, wanting to move to the mainland.
Alberta, the only Canadian province where a Newfie could easily fit in, was pretty much stuffed to the gills with them already, so the future looked bleak.
Anyway, one night we were all sitting around in the PM's office belting back a few cases of Bud that Ron had sent Brian in appreciation for his signing over the great lakes or something to the U.S., when Brian turns to John Crosby and asks him what he thinks we should do with his Godforsaken province.
I can still see John looking at the floor and saying 'It's a clobber Bri. Too bad we can't just move the place and be done with it.'
And that's where it all started.
A few days later we all get called back into Brian's office. He's grinning away like a Cheshire cat and sits us down to tell us he's got a plan.
Turns out the plan is to separate Newfoundland from the ocean floor and tug the island across the Atlantic to Ireland. Brian figures we can use continental drift to explain the whole thing and at any rate, once Newfireland, as he called it, was a done deal it would be the U.K.'s problem. Brian figured that 'no one will notice a few more drunks in Ireland and most Canadians don't know Newfoundland is a Canadian province, so where's the downside?'
Of course, we all thought Brian had been into the Bud again but, you never dared contradict anything he said for fear he'd burst out in tears and start whining about how everyone was against him, so we let him jabber on.
Turned out he'd been talking to his pal Ron, who'd told him it was a great idea and assured him the U.S. had the technology required to pull it off. Ron told him he'd send it right along as soon as Brian signed something Ron called NAFTA.
Looking around the room, I could see most of the attendees were pretty dubious about the cockamanie scheme. But, by this time Mike Wilson's hopping up and down like some howler monkey on crack screeching about the $5000 he's going to save and Bri's just sitting there with that pleased as punch smirk he always got when he thought he'd done something good. So, I could tell it was pretty much a done deal.
Sad part was, Brian thought he was signing something to do with the U.S. space program. When he found out NAFTA had nothing to do with space shuttles, he was a bit down in the mouth for awhile.
However, a few cases of Bud from Ron soon lifted his spirits and "Canada was open for business" again. Brian figured after he signed the country over to Ron, he'd find some chucklehead to replace him and take the fall, then move to Switzerland and put it behind him. But, that didn't really work out either.
So, Brian signs NAFTA, then finds out that islands aren't by nature floaters. Turns out the plan would have ended up with Newfoundland underwater.
Brian thought about it for awhile, then decided the party might lose a few points in the popularity polls if Canadians were presented with a CBC news videotape showing thousands of Newfs shouting "Saints presarve us" as they clambered on top of one another in a vain attempt evade the deep six.
He figured there'd probably be some horrible publicity fiasco along the lines of the baby seal thing. So, he dropped the plan and none of us ever spoke of it again.
Mike was none to happy he had to ante up a few bucks from the federal treasury for a some cases of screech to smooth the transfer payment problem over with the Newfoundland government. But, everything ended up working out okay.
Believe it or not, this was one of the saner ideas from the government in those years. The tales I could tell...'
