My Confession

[PoliticalNick]

Your problem is that you have allowed people, in the name of 'God', to convince you that you have a disgusting perverted desire.

Some on here continue to do so.

How's that working out for you? Encouraging you to consider suicide, for something that HARMS NOBODY, because they keep repeating that it's disgusting and perverted. Yep, there's a few born-again-christians on this forum who should look at themselves closely before doling out their pity advice and opinions, lest they burn in their own 'hell'.

Stop allowing other people to tell you that you're sick and perverted.

I have to concur with the attitude expressed in this post. I would suggest you tell anyone who tries to make you think you are perverted and sinning to F*ck-off. There is nothing wrong with your fetish as long as you aren't hurting others.

I would try to tell you not to worry about the whole 'sin' thing as there is no god and the church (all religions in fact) is a farce to control the masses and thoughts. If you are going to believe you should at least realize that according to the church we are made in the image of god therefore anything that you think of must also be thought of by god. That doesn't mean god is a cross-dresser but it does mean he could be.

You need to accept that you have a fetish, shared by millions, and it is not a big deal. Those who would have you feel bad about yourself for enjoying yourself are really worthless humans with their own problems of self-worth who want others to feel as bad as they do.

Really man, stop worrying about what others think and about a possible afterlife and concentrate on caring for your wife and trying to make yourself happy. You deserve to be happy! Don't let idiots tell you that you don't deserve to be happy or shouldn't be happy.

 

[Peaches]

Your problem is that you have allowed people, in the name of 'God', to convince you that you have a disgusting perverted desire.

Some on here continue to do so.

How's that working out for you? Encouraging you to consider suicide, for something that HARMS NOBODY, because they keep repeating that it's disgusting and perverted. Yep, there's a few born-again-christians on this forum who should look at themselves closely before doling out their pity advice and opinions, lest they burn in their own 'hell'.

Stop allowing other people to tell you that you're sick and perverted.

Hey, did you receive my PM? The suicidal thoughts have to do with the loss of my wife - At first in 2009 we both came home and cried. Then I watched my anguished wife trying to draw a correct clock face over and over, I took the paper and the pencil and told her to stop tormenting herself. Then as time moved along, I took the car keys, the bills, the cooking,etc....We were given a general prognosis of 7-8 years, it has been 6 years and the care has become very difficult. I have to even feed her and use cups that are non-spill, pullups, etc. Care will only become more and more difficult as acceptance set in, and my wife has become a different person from the bright loving woman I married I am now experiencing a feeling of isolation and loneliness - hardening of emotions, weariness. This is very hard work. I have progressed past such thoughts fortunately I see psychiatry and psychology to vent, my wife sees psychiatry, orthopedics, and internal medicine. I have been slapped down for feeling sorry for myself and ridiculed that I should "doll" myself up, that obviously I am no different than anyone else taking care of a spouse that is sick. OK, but people with cancer or some other condition at least have their faculties about them and do not spend most of the day talking as loudly as possible, or crying and carrying on, or moving items about and require total care. Alzheimer's Disease is a marathon that lasts and worsens over nearly a decade or more becoming more and more difficult as time moves on and you have to figure Ok how do I handle this new thing? I think I am entitled to periods of emotion I am expressing. No one has stepped up to the plate there is only myself in the main. I am not going to pay $5,000 per month to a blood sucking locked skilled nursing facility and see all that my wife saved over a lifetime drained, and then start seeing my savings eaten away. I have chosen to provide the care which is better than any cold uncaring worker in a nursing home. I am venting - sorry. sigh - she is doing her usual yelling and asking where I am it is like a mental ball and chain for me I cannot leave her alone. I am using all my resources, and have been told that I am doing an outstanding job caring for her. I am not parading around the house, did a few years back but no more. I will take your advice and not worry about it, there are larger things to be concerned about.

 

[karrie]

You know, I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable with how to carry on this conversation because I can't tell what category of cross dressing you fit into. And thus, I can't tell if this thread is a cry for help, or if it's essentially masturbatory material.

You see, cross dressing can be two really distinct things. First of all, it can be an honest transgendered issue. You may not feel comfortable living your day to day life as a male, and wish intensely to be at least clothed as a female.

Second of all, and here's where I'm starting to lean due to the language you're using surrounding it... it can be a shame fetish. Acting ashamed, listening to other people tell you you're dirty, wrong, twisted, or telling them how 'bad' you are... can be what gets some people off. For a lot of men who cross dress, this is the driving force. If that's the case, you're going to cling to your religious views no matter what people in here say, because they actually are feeding a fetish need in you. And that's totally fine, by all means, fill your boots. But the ick factor is starting to creep up pretty high in hearing you call it perverted repeatedly.

 

[Peaches]

It seems clear to me that you can't burn thoughts away. You need to be honest with yourself and acknowledge them for what they are. That doesn't mean you have to act upon them. It simply means you must accept the fact that their are parts of ourselves we cannot control. You can't control everything about your own psyche.

Here's a clear example. I find some women sexually attractive and other women not as attractive. I don't decide how attractive a woman appears to me in the same way I never decided I like vanilla ice cream. I just do and it's just a matter of fact. I can only be a witness of how attracted I am to a woman or not. In other words, I don't control all my thought processes and neither can anyone else. I suggest a similar approach towards your attraction to cross dressing.

An alcoholic can't decide not to desire a drink. But he can decide not to drink.

A desire deemed reproachful or ''sinful'' ought to be acknowledged for what it is. From my experience, any attempt at suppressing thoughts only make them more powerful and a nuisance to your everyday life. You'll be much more at peace with yourself by at least being honest with yourself in your inner and personal life.

That being said, I don't believe cross dressing to be wrong and I have a hard time understanding why you'd restrain yourself if it could make you a happier person. But your religious faith clearly is at odds with this. If not indulging in the act of cross dressing makes you feel better about yourself, then so be it.

Just don't waste time and energy trying to repress thoughts and desires. That will only make your desires more powerful. Accept your desires for what they are and then you can decide how you want to act.

My two cents.

Thank you for your thoughts on what is a myopic thread, but the subject matter is interesting I suppose judging by the number of vewers and posts. The tension between a conservative faith and Cross-dressing, perhaps now about Alzheimer's and how it effects a family? And I am not even a Canadian Citizen blogging is an outlet that helps me vent. I don't even like cold weather, here our winter is really only about two months in length January and Febuary, we may receive snow once every 10 years, and the lowest temperatures are about 18 degrees at times as fronts move through. We have long springlike weather 8 months a year and then it is extremely hot and humid and miserable with the occasional hurricaine thrown in from June through August.

You know, I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable with how to carry on this conversation because I can't tell what category of cross dressing you fit into. And thus, I can't tell if this thread is a cry for help, or if it's essentially masturbatory material.

You see, cross dressing can be two really distinct things. First of all, it can be an honest transgendered issue. You may not feel comfortable living your day to day life as a male, and wish intensely to be at least clothed as a female.

Second of all, and here's where I'm starting to lean due to the language you're using surrounding it... it can be a shame fetish. Acting ashamed, listening to other people tell you you're dirty, wrong, twisted, or telling them how 'bad' you are... can be what gets some people off. For a lot of men who cross dress, this is the driving force. If that's the case, you're going to cling to your religious views no matter what people in here say, because they actually are feeding a fetish need in you. And that's totally fine, by all means, fill your boots. But the ick factor is starting to creep up pretty high in hearing you call it perverted repeatedly.

Whatever, In my early 40's a time when my faith was off the radar, I came to terms with it that seems to be a time when most cross-dressers feel something click in their head and they accept theirselves without guilt, without shame, without embarrassment, or humiliation - we say to ourselves this is who I am I am partly female and accept it as a fact of life and a huge weight is lifted from our lives., I started to dress so frequently - at home - that I gained the feminine skills needed to look rather good for a man in a dress and the clothing became just clothing. I dropped 30 pounds down to 170 pounds and with my wig - the same color as my natural hair I was amazed at how much I resembled my sister so I have an idea of what I would have looked like had I been born female - with make up less is more as my skill grew, - just for enhancement of your natural features, I did some eyebrow plucking etc... I was very pleased and I could not get the smile off of my face I loved my long natural nails with glossy red polish that lasted with a top coat for months! I was so pleased with myself and felt so feminine savoring the feeling. But realistically I should have expected the mirror to shatter! hahahaha. We long for understanding, love, acceptance, encouragement, and support, we long for a female partner who would enjoy taking the lead on occasion, and making us feel special. Most cross dressers fantasize about that. Sadly it is just that - a fantasy, though my wife eventually accepted me and allowed me to dress within certain boundaries, I always knew it was no more than tolerance but she loved me and that was a mutual feeling so as a crossdresser I achieved a pinnicle many only dream about. Lots of thought about who I am led me to reason that I must have a partly feminine brain because of certain traits that I have and still do. But in other ways I am quite male but no interest in sports since Tom Landry was fired, no interest at all in basketball, baseball, soccer etc. I do like to sail. But when my faith started to rise I had to confront this issue. What you say is true for most crossdressers, but Transexuals, children who from birth behave as females and then tell their parents they feel they were born in the wrong body - a very small percentage of people are the only ones I know of who don womens clothing and feel they are no different for them than Jeans and a sweatshirt and tennis shoes. Trans-gendered people are those who believe they have a feminine and a masculine side and they tend to drift back and forth on the fence. For most of them any reassignment is completely wrong. Some may feel a big step is having their ears pierced, or allowing their hair to grow out, or having implants placed and may even take hormones to block testosterone so that their skin becomes softer, hair becomes finer and subcutaneous fat develops. They may desire electrolysis for beard removal, perhaps even permanent make up?? At some point cross dressers sexuality varies - most are heterosexual with a wife and children. some do when they are younger bla bla bla bla bla bla. Think what you like I know and accept who I am, it is my desire to not rationalize what is seen as sin.

 

[Corduroy]

Why's God gotta be coming down on us all the time?

 

[gerryh]

Why's God gotta be coming down on us all the time?

God doesn't.

 

[Peaches]

Hi to you canadians, Here is my post on the CD Blog I have returned to, perhaps my final post on this topic unless people can access this thread and desire to comment. Peaches

Hum...Not sure about any of that I am a Christian that is my faith the nicene creed and all. I am presbyterian pca also don't like to pay much attention to grammatical rules on occasion but can if I want to expend the effort. But beyond that any denomination tries to make sense of the inspired message of God who is the trinity tri-une Father Son Holy Spirit three aspects that have different purposes or functions but it is one of the mysteries of our Faith. Doctrine is man-made and all of them are flawed some more than others - who knows who is closer to the truth but I believe if we believe in the basics found in the creed and are in earnest in our heart God forgives us because God is Love, we are to Love God, and we are to love others just as we love ourselves. Christ is the nexus of Christianity. The Old Testament is part history, but also has much prophecy and symbolism all pointing to Christ (see Isaiah 53 probably one of the most amazing chapters in the old testament) and there is also a psalm somewhere that is similar as well as many other predictions of the coming massiah the lamb of God who would first come to save those who the spirit draw to faith, and later even now is a king who's reign is everlasting and who we expect to come again. there is also allegory. But, all that followed Christs self sacrifice death and rise brought a New Testament no more need for animal sacrifice of pure spotless lambs, no more dietary laws, many things changed because with the indwelling of the spirit in our heart as we live out our lives working out our salvation with fear and trembling for the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom - a process called sanctification whereby each day a christian must recall the good news for their self, repent, ask forgiveness and Christ forgives us so like a little child who runs, falls and cries soon gets up to run again. We carry the seed of sin passed down from adam and eve which may be literal or some kind of allegory, there is good and evil. temptation and sin. there is a natural man at war with the spiritual man our soul once saved always saved. so I believe somewhat in a kind of universal church beyond the Catholic church and other denominations as long as the basic beliefs are held and understood correctly. Not all are in the elect, most of mankind will reject Christs offer Ephesians 2:8-9 for it is by grace that you have been saved through faith (alone) not as a result of work(s). Works are an out pouring of love from a heart changed by the spirit though in this life we are and always will be imperfect. We are to be the salt of the earth, the world will hate us and want to destroy us but we are not to judge the world but to love. We are to live in this world but we are just traveling through, our real home is in heaven with the trinity where there will be no male or female, no marriage, no temptation or sin, we will have a glorified body that is perfect just as our father is perfect where we will live and praise God forever. Our purpose on earth is to live and to bring glory to God and to praise God who is our creator. That is long, but that is the gist of what my faith is all about. I understand you believe in a spirit world, you are perfectly entitled to your beliefs, and we can agree to disagree, God loves you and I love you.

Enough on that. It is not not off topic because I do not take it lightly, I had to come to understand that though I am probably rationalizing and deceiving myself - after 46 years I am not likely to change. I accept that God may - MAY have given me a brain that is PARTLY female, sin is sin but I cannot concentrate on one particular tree there is a forest of other sins out there that are probably a better place to focus my attention - greed, gluttony, and other sins.

Now back on what I wanted to write this morning. And that is about being a woman (partly) I enjoy beauty, making my body beautiful, and wearing the pretty clothing styles that women have to enjoy, men's clothing can be nice it is functional and can be comfortable utilitarian, men do not worry about their clothing just that it is appropriate for what they are doing, I would not work on my boat, or go sailing in a business suit!!!! Just so when I am inspired to be a "woman" (am feeling very feminine) I am not going to enjoy wearing a man's business suit - I want to look like Becky Quick on CNBC, or Maria Bartaromo, or Felicity Kendall, or any other woman. And the clothing choice there will also suit my mood and what I am doing - Am I lounging, or do I really want to wear a pretty dress or a skirt and a top, what ever some make up and jewelry and styling of the hair is involved - as a "woman" I enjoy many of the same things, I do prefer the company of women more than that of men, and I do love women I am heterosexual. I just wish women would understand and still want to kiss me and love me however I am presenting or feeling which is who knows probably more male and masculine than feminine - still - I am happy and feel balanced or centered and ok with my faith and my life - Praise God! It is so bad that society and my church members would mostly reject me just because of who I am but I am not going to torment myself about it any longer - I believe God will forgive me this because I believe he Made me this way. I am not about to flaunt what most people would be very uptight about and repulsed in front of them openly, neither do I need to tell those who simply do not understand and probably never will but in heaven every thing will be understood and all will be revealed and I imagine I will receive many hugs and told I'm sorry that I did not understand and would have held this against you in the world.

So I enjoy many of the same things women enjoy - but I am not going to delude myself that I function like or even understand how women think and function inside their head. Like my sister who recently came to visit and told me when she goes out and is with a group of people she becomes very keyed up and it takes her time to settle down - must be horrible to be like that women seem to intently work with all the wheels spinning in their mind. Men get stressed out at work - I remember that and once I made it to the car feeling energy returning, myself relaxing, but still for several hours kind of going "awwwwww....." in a comfortable chair infront of the news while talking with my wife, or helping to fix dinner. I am partly woman but have not delusions - I am not a woman, have no cycle, hormone fluctuations, do not bear, give birth to, or lactate or have that natural mothering instinct, no intuition. I just have a small sliver of that - I love beauty, I am sensitive but do not cry easily, I am not very competetive and thus not into sports, I am only interested in leading myself and perhaps in guiding or helping to share my life experience with my children and friends. I do like a relationship, perhaps a network of friends to comunicate with but that is the extent of what I call my feminine self, I do like the clothes, the make up and bling.....

GG's are welcome to comment as well I wonder what they think - I may be disappointed so please soften the blow, I hope true women understand and can accept me as I am. as CD's what do you think. Please do not ding me for my faith, I am not pushing it it is who I am, I was just responding to the previous post by way of explaining my belief system