Knocking Others Down to Build Yourself Up

B00Mer

Make Canada Great Again
Sep 6, 2008
47,127
8,145
113
Rent Free in Your Head
www.canadianforums.ca
Have you done it?

For example, statements like this are some we see and hear often:

• "Real" women aren't skinny (about how being larger or curvier is more real)
• Women with fake breasts are fake (about trying to accept one's own natural breasts)
• "Real" men don't have big *****es (about trying to accept average ***** size)
• It's fake to make noise during sex (about being more quiet oneself)
• No one really wants to do that sexually (about something one person doesn't want to do)
• That girl is a **** (about not having as much sexual or romantic opportunity as someone wants)
• That guy is a man***** (same as above)
• Straight people have boring sex (about trying to address feeling marginalized for being queer)
• Gay people can't have long-term relationships (about feeling homophobia or envy as a straight person)

Cutting others down to build oneself up is a losing strategy. Not only does it not usually result in really feeling that much better about oneself -- especially since you then add on feeling like a jerk for doing that -- it also hurts others. But it's something a lot of people do, and probably any of us have done at one point or another.

Have you done it? If so, have you stopped? What got you to stop? What do you do instead, now, to be confident in yourself and feel good about yourself without doing something at someone else's expense? If you still do it, why do you think you do? What do you think you need to do to stop?

Of course, if you've been on the end of the "other" being put down, this is a good place to talk about what that's like, too.

Let's here some comments please..
 

Dexter Sinister

Unspecified Specialist
Oct 1, 2004
10,168
539
113
Regina, SK
I don't recall ever doing it to anyone and I've never done it deliberately, but I may have done things that others read that way. Like all of us I've said things in anger I later wished I hadn't, but I think I learned pretty early in life that putting others down isn't useful. With five siblings, that just creates alliances against you and everything gets worse. I've certainly had it done to me, there's an ex-wife out there somewhere who got really good at it with a few years' practice, which is part of the reason why she's an ex. Any discussion that wasn't about her needs and interests wasn't important. She seemed to be a follower of Gore Vidal's dictum, "It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail," which any 10 year old ought to recognize as dangerous nonsense.
 

damngrumpy

Executive Branch Member
Mar 16, 2005
9,949
21
38
kelowna bc
The problem most don't realize is when you attempt to negatively portray someone else
you often are really defining yourself.
I don't go out of my way to make disparaging remarks about others, as I have a round table
of friends and I would offend someone or everyone.
I can't imagine how some could be so insensitive.