Five Dollar Bill
A national broadcasting corporation of long standing presents another in the series of "Half Written Stories", composed by Canadians with little or no talent or education. It is part of our commitment to use taxpayer's money in new and unique ways. From our Toronto studio, nous vous présentons -
They Called Him "Five Dollar Bill"
copyright 2008 - Murphy
They called him "Five Dollar Bill". The nickname started because he did anything for five dollars - he'd bulsate, then expose his whastle or walk your dog. He lived on the street. Bill never bathed or shaved and wore old, dirty clothes. He was ortund with stumpy little legs. Some people said that he looked like a turnip.
The priest that used to leave food out for Bill called him, "God's Wanderling". Us kids didn't really know what that meant, but Father Clement used a lot of big words that we didn't understand. He would put his hand on me and say that Bill's mind was introsteptive. You could bet that when Father Clement spoke, we paid attention!
And we were a little scared too. Of course, we were just underaged boys that were expected to spend a bit of time "hanging out" at the church. It was good for us spiritually. Father made sure of that. Naturally, we were too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.
Bill hung out with Jim Naysium, another homeless guy. Jim never said much and always looked so stour. He had an embarrassing habit of spacking in the park. Sometimes he'd sing too, but the words were nonsensical. Bill would say,
"Jim, it's one thing to rub condiments onto your leg, but quite another to storpate in the open!"
Jim would grunt and continue to festle himself. Bill would shrug his shoulders and mutter, "Hey, you get used to it..." under his breath.
On the whole, Bill's life was pretty easy, even though he was homeless. He didn't have any of the traditional responsibilities that tied most folks down. No bills or rent to pay, no groceries to buy or any government men to satisfy. Well, almost none. Sometimes, Big Johnson, a huge, fat guy who worked in the federal building, would show up unannounced and harass him.
He expected Bill to work him over, while the greasy little creep stared at some Greek erostica. Usually, Bill saw him coming and hid, but sometimes he got caught. Lord, how he hated him.
Bill was often overheard saying, "God, how I'd love to pound that Big Johnson!"
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Silly, not too bright, taxpaying Canadians. Most of you are incredibly feeble underachievers. No temmling please, it disturbs the dogs.
A national broadcasting corporation of long standing presents another in the series of "Half Written Stories", composed by Canadians with little or no talent or education. It is part of our commitment to use taxpayer's money in new and unique ways. From our Toronto studio, nous vous présentons -
They Called Him "Five Dollar Bill"
copyright 2008 - Murphy
They called him "Five Dollar Bill". The nickname started because he did anything for five dollars - he'd bulsate, then expose his whastle or walk your dog. He lived on the street. Bill never bathed or shaved and wore old, dirty clothes. He was ortund with stumpy little legs. Some people said that he looked like a turnip.
The priest that used to leave food out for Bill called him, "God's Wanderling". Us kids didn't really know what that meant, but Father Clement used a lot of big words that we didn't understand. He would put his hand on me and say that Bill's mind was introsteptive. You could bet that when Father Clement spoke, we paid attention!
And we were a little scared too. Of course, we were just underaged boys that were expected to spend a bit of time "hanging out" at the church. It was good for us spiritually. Father made sure of that. Naturally, we were too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.
Bill hung out with Jim Naysium, another homeless guy. Jim never said much and always looked so stour. He had an embarrassing habit of spacking in the park. Sometimes he'd sing too, but the words were nonsensical. Bill would say,
"Jim, it's one thing to rub condiments onto your leg, but quite another to storpate in the open!"
Jim would grunt and continue to festle himself. Bill would shrug his shoulders and mutter, "Hey, you get used to it..." under his breath.
On the whole, Bill's life was pretty easy, even though he was homeless. He didn't have any of the traditional responsibilities that tied most folks down. No bills or rent to pay, no groceries to buy or any government men to satisfy. Well, almost none. Sometimes, Big Johnson, a huge, fat guy who worked in the federal building, would show up unannounced and harass him.
He expected Bill to work him over, while the greasy little creep stared at some Greek erostica. Usually, Bill saw him coming and hid, but sometimes he got caught. Lord, how he hated him.
Bill was often overheard saying, "God, how I'd love to pound that Big Johnson!"
---
Silly, not too bright, taxpaying Canadians. Most of you are incredibly feeble underachievers. No temmling please, it disturbs the dogs.
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